A Choice Between Three Good Things
by Belmione
Summary: "So the way Jacob feels about me. You feel the same way?" Alice nodded, heavy shame written all over her delicate features. "So, you're in love with me?" Alice closed her eyes. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Deeply." Alice/Bella. Click for more details.
1. Chapter 1

**(Author's Note): Hello readers! :) Thanks for checking out my story! I've just got a few things to address before I shut up and let you guys read Chapter 1. First, this story is an Alice/Bella story and will contain femmeslash, just in case anyone missed that in the summary. If you don't like, don't read. Second, what I'm aiming for in this story is working the Alice/Bella pairing into _Eclipse_. Each chapter will start out with a quote from the book. I'll provide the page number at the beginning of each chapter so you can go peek in the book if you'd like. You don't have to look it up to understand the chapter, but it might add a little something if you know how the chapter corresponds to the book. :) This chapter's quote is at the very top of page 185 in _Eclipse. _That's about it! Hope you guys enjoy Chapter 1 and thanks for stopping by! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. I'm just borrowing Stephenie Meyer's characters and a quote from her book.**

_I went to bed early that night, curling up on his sofa again._

I had a nightmare again tonight. But instead of crawling down the dark alleyway, I was wandering in the cold, dank forest, walking parallel to a small, clear stream. Why was I here? Did Edward bring me here? Were any of the Cullens around? I looked around for familiar figures and faces. As I walked, I accidentally stepped on a large, moss-covered stick. It broke with a startling snap. I looked down at the noise and noticed I was barefoot. Strange. I hadn't even felt the stick underfoot. The forest floor hardly felt different than the carpeted floor of my bedroom. I stepped back and examined the sharp, splintered wood. It should've pierced my skin. But I hadn't felt a thing. I didn't smell any blood, either. I sat down and propped myself against a massive tree trunk, looking at my foot for any signs of damage. Nothing. My skin was completely unscathed.

As I stared at the unbroken skin in disbelief, I noticed that I looked oddly pale. Paler than usual. Almost gray. Was the misty chilliness of the forest what gave it such an odd cast?

Wait.

I leaned over to the fractured stick and picked up the half with the sharper end. I grasped it tightly, held my breath, and jabbed it forcefully into the soft skin at the bend of my elbow. Looking back, it wasn't the smartest plan of action for someone who sickens at the scent of blood. But it gave me my answer. I heard something crack. My moss-covered weapon had splintered even further on contact with my arm. My eyes widened.

I leapt up far too gracefully and sprinted to the little stream. I stared at my reflection in the clear water. I looked...beautiful. Disconcertingly so. I hardly looked like myself. My hair fell in sleek, silky waves about my face, tamer than I'd ever seen it. My skin was flawless, but frighteningly pale. It gleamed a whitish-gray in the gloom of the forest.

And my eyes. My eyes glinted back at me through the water, a dark, leering red.

I was a vampire.

My epiphany was interrupted as I heard rustling movement behind me. I spun around and stared into the mist. The gray outline of a person materialized out of the pearly fog. As the figure walked forward, it became more focused, until I could make out a face.

It was...Mike? What the hell was Mike doing out here? And Jessica? She appeared out of the mist beside him. They didn't notice me, so I called out to them.

"Jess! Mike! What're you..." my words caught in my throat. As soon as I'd spoken, Mike and Jess whipped their heads around to stare at me. No, they weren't staring. They were _glaring_. Glaring absolute daggers at me. I took a step back as they turned and walked away, melting back into the fog.

As soon as they disappeared, I heard more movement behind me. I jerked around a full one hundred and eighty degrees. Normally the movement would've spun me right off balance and onto the ground. But not now.

This time, Angela and Ben were waiting for me. And they were glaring at me just as lividly as Jess and Mike had. What on earth had I done to make everyone so angry?

"Ben! Angela! What's going on? What did I do? I'm....I'm sorry! Whatever I did, I'm sorry! I'm really, really sorry..."

But Ben and Angela didn't reply. They turned and were soon lost in the mist just like Mike and Jessica. Why wouldn't anyone talk to me? What had I done that was so heinous that my friends turned and walked away whenever I spoke?

I listened for more movement, expecting someone else to come and glower at me. I didn't hear anything. But when I glanced to my left, I saw the massive outline of another person. His back was to me, but I recognized him immediately, even through the darkness and mist. It was Jacob. I moved forward towards him, relieved.

"Jake! Thank God," I sighed before the babbling began. "A bunch of my friends from school were here! And I don't know _what_ their problem is, but everyone's mad at me and I have no idea what I did! And nobody will talk to me, they just keep walking away from me, so I can't even figure out how to _fix_ it!"

I paused to take a breath, as close to tears as a vampire could be. "I have _no_ clue where I am or how to get home! You have to get me out of this place, Jake! It's really starting to give me the creeps!"

Jacob didn't answer. I heard an odd rumbling, almost inaudible.

"Jake? Hello? It's Bella! Are you listening? You have to take me home! I don't think I can find my way there! If I could catch a scent, I might be able to figure it out, but I've got nothing! I can't smell Jess, or Angela, or Mike or anyone! I can't even smell you..." I trailed off. Odd. Weren't vampires supposed to think werewolves smelled bad? If they smelled so awful, I should've caught Jacob's scent right away.

My uneasy thought process was interrupted. The strange rumbling had gotten louder. Jacob finally turned to face me and I froze. His lip was curled over his teeth and he was shaking violently. I realized what the rumbling was. Jake was _growling_. At _me_.

"Jake, what're you doing? It's _me_! It's _Bella_!"

Jacob's growling ripped into a full-blown snarl and his shape blurred. As the wolf appeared in front of me, I suddenly remembered Jacob's words from earlier that day. "_You won't be Bella anymore. My friend won't exist." _

I turned to run, but the colossal red-brown wolf was already a step ahead of me. The animal lunged at me in a whirlwind of fur and teeth and its massive jaws closed around my throat.

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I jerked violently awake, shaking and sweating, gasping for breath. I clutched the edge of Edward's black leather couch to try and steady myself. The force of my sudden awakening had almost launched me off the couch onto the plush carpet. I took slow, deep breaths to try and calm my racing heart.

"Are you alright?"

This time I _did_ fall off the couch, landing with a dull thud on the floor. The carpet was not nearly as comfortable as it looked.

I heard a high pitched giggle reminiscent of the tinkling of wind-chimes floating from the couch.

"Oops. Sorry, Bella."

"What the hell, Alice?" I sputtered. I was going to have a heart attack before the end of the night. I was sure of it.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you," she tittered, peeking over at me from the edge of the couch. "I saw that there was no way to alert you of my presence and _not_ startle you a bit. But falling off the couch got left out of the vision."

She looked thoroughly amused. I, however, was thoroughly annoyed. Instead of offering my forgiveness, I concentrated on disentangling myself from the dull, gold coverlet. I was failing miserably. Alice sighed pleasantly.

"May I help you with that?"

"Sure. Whatever," I muttered. I would let her help since I wasn't making any progress on my own. But I certainly wasn't going to be nice to someone who had _kidnapped_ me for two days _and_ almost given me a heart attack after a horrific nightmare.

Alice leaned over, scooped me up off the floor, and placed me gently beside her on the couch. I noticed she had straightened out the coverlet somewhere in the process. Once I got settled, I turned to Alice who was looking at me expectantly, raised up on the arm of the couch on her right elbow, head propped in her hand.

"Umm, not to be rude or anything," I said with every intention of being as rude as possible, "but why are you in here?"

Alice smiled as if I had actually meant the statement that preceded my question.

"I don't think you slept very well last night. I heard you tossing and turning. I could tell from your breathing that you woke up quite a few times. I think it's because you're so used to having Edward with you. So I wondered if you would sleep any better if I were in here. I'm not sure it worked, though," Alice sighed, face falling just a little. "You're just as restless tonight. And you sounded like you were having a nightmare. Am I right?"

I nodded curtly. "But that's nothing new. I have nightmares all the time."

Alice's eyes brimmed with concern and sympathy.

"What was this one about?"

I huffed impatiently. "I don't want to talk about it, Alice. I _want_ to go back to sleep," I snapped harshly.

Alice blinked a few times obviously trying to conceal the hurt in her eyes. She turned to stare out the wall-sized window in Edward's room. After a moment, she turned back to me and sighed, her wintery breath ghosting across my face.

"Please don't be angry with me, Bella. Or with Edward. We're only trying to protect you."

"By holding me _hostage_, Alice? You can't tell me that that's not just a _little _bit over-the-top. Or maybe deranged is a better term..."

"Bella. _You_ can't tell _me_ that you don't see even a little bit of the danger in palling around with a volatile, teenage _werewolf_."

"Yes, because vampire slumber parties are the epitome of safety-conscious behavior."

"You said that last night."

"I know. I'm reiterating."

Alice pursed her lips. "This is getting us nowhere, Bella."

"Exactly. So maybe now you'll leave me alone and let me go back to sleep. I'm not going back to LaPush any time soon anyway," I muttered.

The annoyance in Alice's eyes softened into curiosity and worry. She looked at me for a minute before saying, "Well, I'll listen if you want to tell me what happened. But you don't have to."

I picked at the seam of the coverlet for a while. I wasn't sure whether I wanted to tell Alice about Jacob's outburst. After all, he _had_ almost phased when I broke the news that I only had a few weeks before I was supposed to be changed into a vampire. I didn't want to validate her argument. I could see that she was insanely curious as to why I had come skidding into the garage that evening on an old, beaten up motorcycle, soaking wet, shivering, and absolutely livid. But beyond that, I could see that she really was worried about me. I decided to go ahead and tell her the story. It'd make me feel better. I was pissed at Jacob anyway.

Alice suddenly gasped beside me. "He said _what_?"

"Alice!" I groaned in exasperation, "Can't you at least let me tell the story before you react?"

Alice grimaced sheepishly, putting a hand over her mouth. "Sorry," she murmured from behind her hand. "Please, go ahead."

I shook my head and began. "Well, we were sitting in Jacob's garage. He asked me if I was serious about being changed. If I'd meant it when I told him that it wasn't his business if Edward bit me."

Alice nodded, absorbed already, though I was sure she'd heard the whole conversation already. Or, rather, seen it.

"He took that surprisingly well. He was expecting it, I think. Then he started talking about the treaty," I scowled. "Saying that if any of you changed me, that that violates the treaty."

"He has a point. It is a violation," Alice nodded, encouraging me to keep talking.

"I know. Which was why I told him that we'd have to leave before that happened. Then he told me that there was...what did he say? 'No geographic limit to the treaty.' Basically that, once they knew I was changed, and once they found us again, the war would be started."

"As if they _could_ find us if we didn't want to be found. Werewolves understand very little about stealth," Alice sniffed. "And what is this about 'no geographic limit?'"

"I know. It doesn't makes sense to me either," I shook my head. "Anyway, I asked him how he was going to deal with it once I was changed. If he was going to forgive me and all. He said that, if I were changed, that I....wouldn't exist, in his eyes. That there wouldn't be anyone to forgive." I looked back down at the coverlet for a minute. I was trying to put on a brave face. But there was really no denying it. Jake had really hurt me when he said those things. I'd even had a nightmare about it.

I looked up at Alice to see her reaction. She was quiet, having decided not to openly insult my best friend. Or maybe now it was former best friend. But her eyes had a steely spark in them, her mouth was pressed into a tight, thin line, and her nostrils were slightly flared, all signs of her outrage. She unclenched her delicate jaw for just a moment. "Continue. I know there's more."

I nodded. "So I asked him if I needed to say goodbye to him right there. He was really surprised. He thought he had a few more years. And when I told him it was more like _weeks...._well, he didn't like that. He...almost phased." I paused to gauge Alice's reaction.

Alice was perfectly still, ire still etched onto her face. She took a deep breath through her nose and opened her mouth to speak, "Bella, I don't want to say I told you s-"

"Alice, don't you _dare_ finish that sentence," I interrupted. "I know, okay? Can I finish?"

Alice pressed her lips back into the thin, angry line and nodded.

"He _almost_ phased, but he calmed back down. I told him that Edward was already technically a year younger than me and asked him what else I was supposed to do. He told me he'd rather me be dead. That's when I left. I just wish I had had my truck there. It was freezing riding back in that rain."

"You're lucky you didn't catch something riding in that weather. If you had just stayed at school..."

"Alice! Shut up about it! What happened happened! There's nothing you can do about it now, so just leave it, okay?"

Alice exhaled slowly through her nose. "I'm sorry Bella. It's just...difficult to swallow. That someone who is _supposed_ to be your friend could say something like that to you, just..." Alice shook her head. "Jacob is very, very lucky that I have the rest of my family to worry about. I won't break the treaty because they'd be involved. If it was just me, I'd be on my way to LaPush right now to give Jacob a little piece of my mind..."

I just let Alice's little tirade run its course. Normally hearing her threaten Jacob would've angered me. But after what Jacob had said to me today, it made me feel better to have someone on my side. Even if I was annoyed that she'd kidnapped me per Edward's request.

Alice slowed down, finishing her rant with a few muttered, well-placed expletives and a quiet, but alarming threat involving the detachment of Jacob's...well, the detachment of a few... appendages.

I blushed, barely containing the giggle that threatened to bubble out of me. Hearing things like that pouring out of Alice's dainty little mouth was a strange experience indeed. "You finished?" I asked.

"Yes. I feel much better now," she grinned.

I smiled a little, but it faltered. I was still upset. Alice noticed. She scooted down the couch so her head rested on my shoulder. The soft, silken ends of her spiky hair tickled my neck. The arm that she had had propped on the arm of the couch snaked around my waist, squeezing me lightly into a one-armed hug.

"I'm sorry he hurt your feelings."

I nodded. "It's fine. It was probably stupid of me to tell him. I should've just left the first time."

Alice's eyes flicked up towards my face as she gave me a questioning look. "The first time?"

"I thought about leaving before the...incident."

Alice turned over to give me her undivided attention, slipping one arm out from under me, throwing her other arm over my waist and resting her delicate, pointed chin a little below my collar bone. She looked up at me. "You thought about leaving before? Why? What did he do?" Alice's voice turned threatening again. I could feel the movement of her jaw against me as she spoke.

"Nothing too bad. We were talking about imprinting."

Alice nodded, chin bobbing on my chest.

"I asked him if he thought he'd ever imprint. He said no. I told him I thought he'd said it wasn't something you could control, and he said it wasn't. He said something about that you had to _see_ her. I didn't really understand that part. But I did say that just because he hasn't _seen_ her yet, doesn't mean she's not out there. But then...he said he never saw anyone else. That he only sees...me." I sighed. "I don't know what to do with him when he gets like that. He's my friend. I don't want to hurt him. But that's just it. He's my friend. Only my friend. I wish he'd just keep it to himself so I didn't have to hurt him."

I looked down at Alice, who hadn't spoken in a few minutes. She had moved her head so her ear was resting right over my heart. Her expression was odd. She looked...sad. No. Sad wasn't quite powerful enough to describe it. There was an overwhelming sense of melancholy that permeated her entire being. As soon as she noticed that I was looking at her, she quickly smoothed her face into a carefully blank expression. She shrugged against me. "I wouldn't be too hard on Jacob. It's better than Mike Newton, right?"

I frowned lightly at Alice's strange behavior. But I decided to let it go right this second. "Definitely better than Mike. Or Eric. Or Tyler..." I sighed.

"Most of the male population of Forks High School..."

"Alice! It's not _that_ bad."

"It _is_ that bad, Bella. You have absolutely no idea how many people are totally smitten with you. _Everyone_ seems to be a little bit in love with you, Bella."

"Why? I don't know why they like me! I'm really not that interesting! And it's sweet and all, but I just want to be left alone! Is that too much to ask?"

"Bella. You absolutely are 'interesting,' as you put it. You're intelligent, you're kind, a little quirky, funny. And beautiful. You're...captivating. How could they _not_ like you?"

"I'm _not_ beautiful, Alice. Or '_captivating_.' _You're_ beautiful. _Rosalie_ is beautiful. _Esme_ is beautiful. I'm not. Don't lie to me."

"You _are_ beautiful, Bella. Truly. And, again, don't be too hard on them."

"On who?"

"Everyone. Jacob, Mike, Tyler, Eric. They can't help it. You make it impossible not to love you, Bella."

I huffed. "Are we done talking about this now?"

I felt Alice nod against me. I looked back down at her. Alice's expression had reverted back to careful expressionlessness. But I wasn't fooled. I had known the Cullens long enough to know what that meant. If any of the Cullens, _especially_ Edward or Alice, didn't want me to know something, they did this. Adopted a smooth, blank expression that was nearly impossible to interpret. But I had also known Edward and Alice long enough to be able to look for signs of emotion in the right places. The Cullens couldn't _completely_ remove the emotion from their faces. You could get a reading on them if you knew where to look.

With Edward, it was all in the lips and eyebrows. Relaxed mouth meant he was thinking; both corners upturned meant happiness; one corner upturned meant amusement; lips stretched tight meant annoyance. One eyebrow higher than the other meant questioning; both eyebrows arched meant worry; eyebrows pulled up and together meant confusion; eyebrows turned down and together meant anger; flat eyebrows and pinched lips meant sadness.

With Alice, it was all in the eyes. The specific kind of light that reflected in Alice's eyes told everything. Steely spark meant anger; sharp flash meant she was annoyed because things weren't going her way; shimmering meant happiness; sparkling meant mischievousness and plotting; a clear silvery sheen meant love.

And mistiness meant sorrow.

Alice's expression was perfectly blank. But her eyes had that mistiness in them.

"Alice. What's wrong?"

Alice looked at me with carefully constructed innocence. "Nothing's wrong, Bella. What gave you that idea?"

"Alice. I'm not an idiot. Something _is_ wrong. You look sad. Why?"

"I do not look sad, Bella." Alice looked at the wall-sized window, using it in place of a mirror as if to prove herself. "I'm _not_ sad. I'm perfectly fine."

"You _are_ sad. I can tell."

"And how is that?"

"Your eyes. They're misty."

Alice froze, eyes boring into mine. "What?" she breathed.

"Your eyes look all misty. Not like you're crying just...misty. Foggy, almost. They always look like that when you're sad. What's wrong?"

The facade dropped immediately. Alice just sat there and blinked at me a few times. Then her eyes drifted down to examine her hands.

"That's...observant of you, Bella."

"I have my moments. So there _is_ something wrong."

Alice sighed. "Yes."

"Are you going to tell me what it is?"

Alice paused. Sighed again, heavier this time. "No."

"Why?"

"It's just one of those things that's better left alone."

I nodded. I really wanted to know what it was that was making Alice so miserable. But I wasn't going to push her. If she didn't want to tell me, she didn't have to. I just had one more question before I would let her suffer in silence.

"Can I ask one more question?"

Alice paused, then nodded infinitesimally.

"Does it have anything to do with me?"

Alice didn't move. All she did was shut her eyes tightly as if she were trying to make whatever the problem was disappear. After a minute or so, she slowly opened her eyes again, as if accepting an inevitability.

"Yes."

Well. That changed things. I had intended to leave the issue alone. Had intended to let Alice be. But if I was involved? I wanted to know what was going on. Especially with the knowledge that Victoria was back in action. I was getting really tired of having things kept from me.

"Then I want to know."

"Bella. It's not as urgent as you think. Trust me. You'll be better off not knowing."

"But-"

"Please leave it alone, Bella."

"But it involves me, Alice! I think I have a right to know if I'm already involved!"

"Bella, it's really not that bad."

"If it's not that bad, why do you look so miserable? If it's not that bad, why won't you tell me what's going on?"

"Bella!" Alice sounded miffed and a little desperate.

"Don't 'Bella' me, Alice! I'm tired of people keeping things from me! Everyone's always trying to 'protect' me! I'm not a child, Alice! I handled finding out Victoria was back! Whatever this is, I can handle it, too."

Alice sat up and slid to the far end of the couch. She curled up against the arm, and pulled her knees up to her chin.

"You're not going to let this go," she whispered. It wasn't a question. She pressed her forehead against her knees for a moment. As her face was buried in her knees, the clouds outside parted for a moment, letting the moonlight filter through the window. When Alice raised her head back up, the moon was at her back. The moonlight cast a glowing, silver outline around her frame and drifted through her hair, creating a feathered halo around her face.

"I didn't want this," she whispered, most likely to herself. Then she turned to me. "I'm not quite sure where to start, Bella."

I shrugged. "Well, you started looking funny when I was talking about Jacob and the whole imprinting thing. Does it have to do with the wolves?"

"No. It has more to do with what you told me about your conversation with Jacob today. What I said after that."

"What?" I stopped to think. This wasn't making any sense. "You mean the part about...I mean, the threats and everything?"

Alice rolled her eyes before her face sank back into the wistful grief it had worn before.

"No, Bella. The other conversation. The imprinting one."

"Oh." I thought for a minute. Hold on. She kept telling me 'not to be too hard' on Jacob. This still wasn't making a bit of sense. "You mean when you told me not to be too hard on Jake?"

Alice nodded and smirked weakly. "You didn't think it was just a little strange that I was actually siding with Jacob?"

"Well, a little, yeah. But I didn't think too much about it. But now that you mention it again, that is pretty weird," I laughed. "I still don't really get it. Why _did_ you say that about Jacob? I thought you hated him. It certainly seemed like that from your...threats earlier tonight."

"I _do_ hate Jacob."

"Alice, you're not making sense. I can't figure out where you're going with this. You say it doesn't involve the wolves, but you keep mentioning Jacob. Are you going to tell me what's going on, or not?"

Alice nodded, looking down at her feet. I waited for a moment. When she didn't speak, I asked, "So, why did you side with Jacob?"

Alice inhaled softly through her nose, held the breath for a minute, and then exhaled slowly. She was still looking at her feet; her long black eyelashes fanned against her face casting wispy shadows across her cheekbones. "I suppose it's because I empathize with Jacob."

What?

"Did you mean sympathize?"

Alice closed her eyes. "No. I meant empathize."

My mind went literally blank for a few moments before the message began to sink in. Empathize? To empathize meant to identify with someone. To empathize meant that you shared the feelings of the person you were relating to. Alice empathized with _Jacob_? What did that mea-

Oh. _Oh._ The thought had been dancing along the periphery of my mind a second ago, but I didn't let it into the forefront of my brain until now. I thought back to what Alice had said earlier tonight:

_"Don't be too hard on them."_

_ "On who?"_

_ "Everyone. Jacob, Mike, Tyler, Eric. They can't help it. You make it impossible not to love you, Bella."_

I just sat there for a minute, eyes wide.

"So....the way Jacob feels about me. You...you feel the same way?"

Alice nodded, heavy shame written all over her delicate features. She continued looking at her shoes, voice tight and strained with emotion. "I'm sorry, Bella. I tried. I really did. I tried _so hard_ to ignore it. The harder I tried, the worse it got. It doesn't seem to matter what I do. It's always there. I wasn't going to tell you. I didn't want you to know. I didn't want you to feel uncomfortable. I didn't want you to be angry with me. I didn't want anything to change. You were happy with the way things were with us. I suppose that's ruined now." Alice laughed bitterly.

I should've told Alice right there that I wasn't upset with her. More surprised, really. But sometimes the connection between my brain and my mouth malfunctions. Instead of easing Alice's fears, I just kept asking questions.

"So, you're...in love with me?"

Alice closed her eyes. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Deeply."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

Alice opened her eyes again, but still wouldn't look at me. "A few. Jasper, obviously..."

I had completely forgotten about Jasper. "How does Jasper feel about this? How did he find out? How are you in love with me? You're supposed to be in love with Jasper..."

"Slow down, Bella," Alice chuckled feebly. "I'll answer all of your questions, I promise. First, how Jasper found out. You really should know that answer. How could he not find out? He feels what others feel, Bella. He feels what I feel particularly strongly. He feels the same love I feel every time I see you. Feels the shame that follows it. Feels the frustration as I try to ignore it, try to suppress it. Feels the self-hatred when I fail. Feels the indecision when you're both in the room with me. Feels the hopelessness and longing I feel when I look at you. And the despair I feel because I know I'm hurting him. He understands _exactly_ what this does to me. What _you_ do to me. He endures all of it with me.

"Second, how Jasper feels about this. Of course, he's hurt. How could he not be? He tries not to let it show. He's been absolutely supportive. He hasn't gotten angry with me once. He just keeps me going, tries to help me through it, tries to keep me from feeling too guilty or too hopeless about things. He's really more than I deserve. It helps that he _truly_ understands where I'm coming from. And he refuses to hold this against me. But it hurts him nonetheless. I know it does. And I can't do a thing about it. I've tried. It just...doesn't work.

"Third, how can I be in love with you if I'm supposed to be in love with Jasper? You can be in love with more than one person at a time, Bella. It's much more common than people think. And, unfortunately, it's happened to me. I love Jasper immensely. He knows that, thank God. I just happen love you tremendously as well. Does that cover it so far?"

"Yes." Alice _still_ hadn't looked up from her shoes. "Who else knows about this?"

"Well, now Carlisle and Esme. Just because they're in the only ones in the house right now besides us. They've heard the entire conversation. Not that it matters that they've heard it. Carlisle and Esme would love all of us no matter what."

"Yeah. They would." It didn't bother me at all that Carlisle and Esme had heard this. I wouldn't want Emmett or Rosalie to know. Just because Alice would never live it down. But it was actually very comforting to know that Carlisle and Esme were here and that they knew. And that it didn't matter. All they wanted was for their children to be happy, whatever that meant. There was just one more thing I wanted to know.

"Edward. What about Edward?"

Alice grimaced. "He doesn't know yet. Jasper and I have been able to block those thoughts thus far. It was insanely difficult, but we've managed...hold on." Alice's eyes were suddenly unfocused. She was searching the future. Trying to see how long it would take for Edward to figure it out. Alice's eyes came back into focus. Her grimace deepened. "He'll find out tomorrow. In the morning. While I'm driving you back to your house. Someone's thoughts will slip. I can't tell who it is at this point. But someone will. I guess it was just a matter of time." Alice looked uneasy. We both knew Edward well enough to know that that tidbit of information wasn't going to go over well. Edward would be _livid_. More than that, he'd feel horribly betrayed. Alice was his favorite sibling. Edward and Alice were partners in crime. And to find out that his beloved little sister was in love with me? Not good. I cringed at the thought. I was so busy worrying about Edward's wrath being unleashed on poor little Alice that I didn't notice that Alice had gotten up off the couch. She was halfway to the door before I noticed she had left.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

Alice turned towards me, eyes still downcast and foggy, anguish etched on her face. "I'm giving you some time to think. You'll deal with it better if I leave you alone to think on it. By the way, Edward will be home in precisely two hours, thirty three minutes, and eight seconds. I thought you'd want to know."

Before I could get another word in edgewise, Alice had dissolved into the shadows.

I paused to think a little about what Alice had just told me. It was so...bizarre. I felt like I was tumbling down the rabbit hole, no pun intended. I was barely able to grasp that one Cullen was in love with me. But two? That seemed impossible. What was so special about me that not one, but two incredibly beautiful, intelligent, kind vampires could love me? I didn't care what Alice or Edward said. I wasn't anything special. I decided not to dwell on it. I'd never understand what they saw in me.

The question was: How did I _feel_ about what Alice had told me? I wasn't sure. It was strange, yes, but not uncomfortable. I searched within myself for signs of anger and uneasiness. Nothing. It should've freaked me out a little. Like it did when Jacob told me he loved me. It should've annoyed me, made me angry like it did when Jake wouldn't leave me alone. But it didn't. I think it had to do with the grief and shame I had seen on Alice's tiny face. Jacob had no shame. He didn't worry quite as much about my feelings and boundaries. Alice had looked so _guilty_. Like she felt that she had wronged me personally. That's why I wasn't upset with Alice. I knew that Alice wouldn't push me like Jacob did. Alice would do anything to avoid upsetting me. She'd do anything to prevent me from feeling uncomfortable, or uneasy, or angry, or scared. Even if that meant denying her own feelings. Alice would accept my boundaries. She loved me enough to let me be. To let me go.

I yawned, suddenly aware of how tired I was. Alice was right. I hadn't slept well last night and what little sleep I had gotten tonight had been fitful. I had two and a half hours before Edward came home. I needed to try and get a little sleep before that if I could. I turned over and closed my eyes, pulling the coverlet over my shoulder. I lay there, breathing quietly for awhile before I realized I wasn't comfortable in that position. I turned over to lie on my stomach. I waited in that position for maybe eight minutes before deciding that I still wasn't comfortable. I flipped over to lie on my back. I was lying there, eyes closed when I heard something. I listened harder. It was...music. Singing? Yes. Singing. I frowned. Where was it coming from? Had I fallen asleep without noticing? Was I dreaming? I could barely hear it, but what I heard was beautiful. High. Ethereal. Exquisite. No, I wasn't dreaming. I opened my eyes. The singing continued for another minute or so before it decrescendoed into silence. When it stopped, I closed my eyes and made another attempt at sleep.

After twenty minutes of lying there, I was still completely conscious. The couch was far too soft and warm to be comfortable and it was far too quiet for me to sleep. I guess I wouldn't get my two hours before Edward got here. I sighed, getting ready to lie here and wait for a good two hours. Or...

An idea struck me.

"Alice?" I whispered. I knew she could hear me, even at this low a volume.

I waited for a minute. Nothing.

"Alice? Will you come sit with me? Please?" I whispered again.

Another minute. Still nothing.

"Alice? I can't sleep."

I waited a minute more. Fine. I guess she was going to ignore me. I closed my eyes again. A moment later, I felt the couch sink beside me. I turned over and looked up. And smiled. Alice was stretched out beside me, perched on the edge of the black leather couch, smiling softly and tentatively. I also saw that she was giving me a wide berth. Usually Alice was very cuddly. After what she'd told me tonight, it was obvious she was trying to respect my personal space.

I reached out with both arms and put them around her waist, pulling her to me and squeezing her like a teddy bear. She giggled. Finally. Some signs of happiness. I rested my head on her shoulder and sighed.

"Thank you. You know I can't sleep without a vampire anymore."

Alice chuckled. "What am I going to do with you, Bella?"

I shrugged and smiled. We rested in companionable silence for a moment before I spoke. "Alice?"

"Yes?"

"You know I'm not upset with you, right?"

"I was afraid for a while that you were. But now I'm pretty sure you're not," she laughed, indicating our current position.

"I'm sorry I can't love you quite the same way you love me. I wish I could. I _do_ love you, Alice, even if it's not the way you want. I don't want you to be unhappy."

"Please don't apologize, Bella. I'm sorry this happened in the first place. I'm sorry I complicated things. But as long as you're not upset, as long as you're happy, I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

I nodded contentedly. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, Alice's sweet scent swirling around me. Then I remembered something.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

"Were you...singing earlier?"

"Singing? Yes. It helps me get my mind off things. Why?"

"I just wanted to know. It was beautiful."

Alice just sighed happily.

I spoke again. "What song was that?"

"Something I made up."

"You wrote it?"

Alice shook her head. "I didn't write it. I just made it up."

"On the spot?"

"Yes. Just a little improvisational thing."

"Oh. Could you... do you think you could sing it again?"

Alice looked pleasantly surprised. "You really want to hear it?"

I nodded.

"Alright."

I had heard Alice sing a few times in the car, over a CD. A few times with Edward at the piano. But never by herself. Her voice, along with her improvised song, was heartbreakingly beautiful. High and delicate, but not breathy. Alice's voice spun and shimmered through her plaintive little melody. Like glass. Alice's voice and song were like a tiny piece of beautiful, intricate, spun glass. Clear, delicate, and beautiful, but not without substance. I was hypnotized by it. It was like magic. I finally drifted to sleep on Alice's shoulder, her lilting voice spinning around me.

I had another dream when I fell asleep. Not a nightmare. A good dream. I had dreamt of Edward countless times. But never Alice. That was the first night I dreamt of Alice Cullen. It wasn't complicated. Just flashes, images. The light that shone in her amber eyes, the feathered halo the moonlight made as it drifted through her sable hair, and her ethereal, glass-like song that shimmered in the silver night.

** I'd love it if you'd leave a review and tell me what you think! =D Thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**(Author's Note): Hey readers! First, before I say anything else, let me say this: you. all. are. rockstars. I did not expect the huge positive response I got. I lost my mind when I woke up on Sunday and had an inbox full of reviews, and lost it again and again throughout the week as they kept popping up in my mail. You guys made my entire week. So I want to give a huge thank you and a really big chocolate chip cookie to all of my reviewers. :)**

**Second, I got from a lot of you that you like the fact that the Alice/Bella relationship didn't happen right away. I'm glad you like that, because it's going to take a bit for it to develop. I'm trying really hard to keep everyone in character and fit this story in with the canon as well as possible. So I'm glad you guys are cool with me giving the characters some time to develop. I won't make you wait _too_ long, but I do want it to feel realistic. :)**

**Third, Miss. Claire Cullen told me she couldn't find the quote for the last chapter on page 185. :( I have the hardback version, so I'm not sure if the page numbers don't translate from hardback to paperback, or I have a different edition, or whatever. So from now on, I'll give the page number I have as well as describe where it is as far as plot. That way you guys can find it if our pages are numbered differently. Chapter 1's quote was after Bella comes back from Jacob's (the time where he comes and kidnaps her from school). It's right before Edward comes back and Bella wakes up on the bed instead of the couch. Hopefully that gives you guys an idea. This chapter's quote is on page 209 in my edition, in the middle of the page. It's after they find out that a vampire snuck into Bella's room and before Jacob comes to Bella's the next day to investigate. Hope that helps and thanks to Miss. Claire Cullen for bringing the page number problem to my attention. :) This author's note is getting a little long, so I'm going to stop now. Enjoy Chapter 2!**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Twilight, but I don't. I own nothing. I just like to play around with Stephenie's characters and use quotes from her book.**

_When Edward officially left for the evening, I wondered who was out in the downpour, keeping an eye on Charlie and me. I felt awful for Alice or whoever else it might be, but still comforted. I had to admit it was nice, knowing I wasn't alone. And Edward was back in record time._

"Edward!" I whispered excitedly, smiling as he slipped through my window.

The corner of Edward's mouth pulled up into my favorite, crooked smile. "Hello."

Edward floated silently from the window sill to my bed, settling beside me, arms around my waist, comforter between us. He always stayed outside the covers to keep me from shivering on contact with his frigid skin. My hand immediately curled around his neck, head tilting up to kiss him. When I pulled away, he chuckled.

"I wasn't gone _that_ long," he murmured against my lips. "Not that I'm objecting."

"I always miss you when you're gone." I kissed him again, reveling in the contrast of feeling of my warm lips against his frosty ones. "Even if it's for ten minutes."

"Eight and a half," he corrected, both corners of his mouth twitching up in amusement.

"Same difference."

The hand that was still curled around his neck moved to bury itself in his messy, bronze hair. I pulled Edward's mouth back down to mine to kiss him once more, longer this time. After a minute or so, when I started feeling a bit dizzy, I had to break the kiss to come up for air. Edward took advantage of the lull.

"Aren't you tired? After all, I woke you up last night. And Alice told me you didn't sleep well the night before that."

"I'm not tired," I answered, trying to sound convincing. But the yawn that followed my statement effectively ruined my attempt.

Edward looked at me, amused once more, obviously trying to contain the quiet laughter that threatened to release itself.

"Go to sleep Bella," Edward sighed with laughter in his voice.

I pouted. Edward raised his hand, index finger gently stroking my cheek. "I'll sing to you," he whispered, finger caressing the length of my cheekbone once more.

I tried to maintain my pout, but to no avail. My lips curved into a slow, contented smile. The only thing I loved more than having Edward sing me to sleep was having Edward kiss me. Since Edward deemed that I was too sleepy for the latter, I would gladly accept the former.

I scooted down a little so that my ear was pressed to where his neck and chest met. I sighed. I always lay like this before Edward sang to me. When my ear rested on him like this, I could feel the notes vibrate in his throat and chest. It was wonderful. Hearing my lullaby echo softly in the room while feeling it reverberate within him. Bliss.

I inhaled deeply as I felt and heard the first note of my lullaby. I closed my eyes, letting it wash over me. The song Edward had named my lullaby had a gentle rock to it. The notes slowly and repeatedly climbed and fell with hushed, lulling lows and gentle, soothing highs. Low. High. Low. High. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. Back. Forth.

I lay there, letting the song ease me into unconsciousness. I was half asleep when it happened. During the bridge there was an interval that caught me. Just one interval. But it was enough to give me a powerful sense of deja vu. Deja vu? That didn't make sense. I mean, I'd heard Edward sing my lullaby so many times I was sure it was completely and irrevocably ingrained in me. But I'd never had this feeling before. The odd part was that right now, I wasn't being reminded of another occasion when Edward had sung this song. I was reminded of something completely different. I frowned lightly, trying to remember what it was. The answer was just beyond my reach. I knew that Edward would keep singing until I fell asleep, probably long after. I waited for him to repeat the song. As Edward reached the end of my lullaby, he seamlessly continued, picking up from the beginning again. I kept my eyes closed, but listened carefully this time, waiting for the bridge. It took a good bit of effort to fight my fatigue and listen to the lullaby objectively. But I made it. About a third of the way through the bridge, I heard it again, fully conscious this time. There it was. As soon as I heard it, images flashed behind my eyes. Silver moonlight, spun glass, and misty amber eyes.

_Alice_.

I'd forgotten all about that. How stupid of me. I had to remind myself that I had reason to forget. After all, we _did _find out today that a strange vampire had broken into my house and snuck into my room for nebulous and disquieting reasons. But now I remembered with perfect clarity. The interval that was in the bridge of my lullaby had also been in Alice's song. I smiled, remembering the beauty and intricacy of her impromptu melody. Edward noticed my slow return to consciousness and stopped singing.

"What are you smiling at?" Edward asked, smiling himself.

"I was listening to you singing and one of the notes reminded me. Alice sang to me last night. I've never heard her sing by herself. It was very pretty."

"That was thoughtful of her," Edward murmured. His tone was off. I tried to pinpoint the emotion behind it.

"Yes. She's got a beautiful voice." I opened my eyes and looked up at Edward. His face was blank, except that his eyebrows were pulled together and turned down. Anger.

Anger? What was going on? I remembered how rude he had been to Alice earlier that day, when he found the strange vampire's scent in my room. I remembered how ugly he had been to Alice when she hadn't seen it coming. Was he still angry about that? That was hardly fair. He had forgiven her, hadn't he?

Then I remembered something else. Yes, he _had_ forgiven her. For that, at least. Suddenly, my conversation with Alice last night came flooding back into my brain. I shook my head. It was still a little hard to process. I also remembered what she'd said about Edward:

_ "He'll find out tomorrow. In the morning. While I'm driving you back to your house. Someone's thoughts will slip. I can't tell who it is at this point. But someone will. I guess it was just a matter of time."_

Oh my God. My eyes widened. How could I have forgotten? Edward knew. He found out this morning. That was why he had been so nasty to Alice today. He found out that his little sister was in love with me. And he was _furious._

I wasn't sure what to do. Was I supposed to treat Edward like he knew? Or play innocent for awhile? Was I supposed to talk to him about it at all?

I decided just to ask him why he was angry. That was innocent enough. Hopefully he would volunteer that information. If not, I would get it out of him eventually.

"What's wrong? Why are you angry?"

"Angry? I'm not angry, love."

I gritted my teeth in impatience. Why must all the Cullens insist on hiding things from me? I wasn't in the mood for this. I had had enough of this last night.

"Edward! Don't you dare pull that 'I'm not angry' crap with me. I _know_ you are, so spill."

Edward raised an eyebrow, obviously contemplating the source behind my outburst, but conceded.

"Just some minor family issues, Bella. Nothing to worry about."

"It's Alice, isn't it?"

Edward raised both eyebrows in surprise. "Yes. Very intuitive, Bella.

I shook my head. "It wasn't intuition. Can I ask a question?"

"Of course."

"Who was it?"

Edward's eyebrows pulled up and together in confusion. "I don't follow you."

I raised up on my elbow to look straight into his tawny eyes. "Whose thoughts slipped?"

His eyes widened and he stared, open mouthed at me for a moment. "How did you-"

"Alice. She talked to me last night." I sat up to continue the story when Edward spoke.

"I know. What did she tell you?" He asked. I had a feeling he already knew and that he just wanted me to confirm it.

"She didn't decide to tell me. She didn't want to. I bullied it out of her. But she told me...that she was in love with me." It was even more bizarre saying it in front of Edward. Almost as if it wasn't real until I talked about it to someone else. I saw his jaw clench and his eyes tighten. "She also told me that you would find out this morning. That someone's thoughts would slip. Who was it?"

Edward exhaled slowly through his nose before unclenching his jaw. "Esme. She was worrying. She does that. Her mind is very interesting. It goes in a circle. It touches on each of us, in a never ending cycle. Carlisle, me, you, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, back to Carlisle. Over and over. It came to Alice. She was worrying about Alice."

"What was she thinking?"

"She was thinking that Alice had sounded so sad last night while she was talking to you and wondering if there was anything she could do to help."

I sighed. "She was sad. She looked terrible. No wonder Esme's worried about her."

"Bella, I'm so sorry," Edward grimaced, rage and humiliation etched into his perfect features.

"Sorry? What do you mean? What're you apologizing for?"

"I'm apologizing for Alice's behavior. I'm apologizing for the fact that someone in _my_ family has..." Edward trailed off, clenching his fists and closing his eyes tight.

He was apologizing for Alice? He thought I would be upset about this. But before I could tell him that I wasn't angry with him or with Alice, I heard Edward speak.

"No better than that Jacob Black," he growled, almost inaudibly. "No better than the _dog_."

My eyes widened. Was he talking about Alice? Surely not. It sounded too mean, to put it plainly. I mean, _I _didn't see anything wrong with Jacob. But to Alice? That was quite the insult. Could Edward be that nasty to his sister?

"Edward. You're not talking about Alice, are you?" I asked warily.

He turned to look at me and grimaced as he took in my expression. He saw that I wasn't angry. He saw that he'd misjudged my reaction. And, as I began to understand that he was _indeed_ talking about Alice, he saw that _I _was the angry one now.

"Edward. Tell me that you weren't talking about Alice," I threatened.

He said nothing. He just hung his head, guilt mixing with the ire on his face.

"You _were_ talking about her!" I hissed, trying to keep my outburst quiet so as not to wake Charlie. "Edward, how could you say something like that? How would she feel if she heard that?"

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I thought you'd be upset with her. I didn't know it would offend yo-"

"I was _never _upset with her! She didn't want for this to happen! It's practically killing her! And you didn't think it'd offend me? I may not return her feelings, Edward, but I still love her! Like she was my sister! You're lucky you didn't say that to her face. I'm not sure what I'd do with you if you had."

Edward said nothing. I carefully examined his face. Eyebrows flat, lips pinched. Sadness. He was sad. I knew he would be. I knew he'd feel that Alice had betrayed him. But there was something else in there. I tried to pinpoint it. I studied his face further.

Guilt. Regret.

"Edward," I breathed. "You didn't say anything to her, did you?"

Edward ran his fingers through his hair, uneasy.

"You didn't," I whispered.

I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, counting to ten. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. I wasn't much calmer, but I felt that I could talk to him now without yelling and waking my father.

"Edward. I know you're upset. I know you're angry. I know you probably feel really betrayed, too. Am I right?"

Edward sighed, closing his golden eyes. "All astute observations," he nodded.

"But, Edward, _please_ tell me you didn't say anything mean."

"I wish I could say no to that question, Bella," he whispered, eyes downcast. "Truly. I was just so angry. I said things I didn't mean. Things I'm not proud of."

Oh no. No, no, no. Alice was already so fragile.

"You _just_ said something nasty about her, Edward. Are you just saying this because I'm angry, or because you're truly sorry?"

Edward's voice was becoming more and more strained as the conversation continued. "Both. For one, I hate it when you're angry with me. To know that you're upset and it's _my_ fault..." Edward trailed off for a minute. "You also put things in perspective for me, Bella. I'm still angry. But, now I'm starting to recognize that the way I treated Alice was unacceptable. Inexcusable."

"Tell me what happened. I want to know _everything_ you said to her. I want to know _exactly_ what you told her."

Edward glanced up at me, pale skin glowing in the strips of moonlight that seeped through the blinds. "It'll make you angry," he whispered ashamedly.

"I know it will. I don't care. I want to know," I said, bracing myself.

He nodded. "I'll start from when Esme's thoughts slipped. Alice had been gone about ten minutes. Taking you home. Esme was worrying about you. Wondering if you had slept alright, if she had fed you enough, if you had been warm enough. Then her thoughts shifted to Alice. I heard and saw the memory replay in her head. She and Carlisle sitting together in their room, listening to what was going on in mine. You and Alice were talking. Both of them were trying to figure out what was upsetting Alice. So were you. She thought you were quite persistent," Edward chuckled feebly.

"They kept listening until they heard it. You said, 'So...the way Jacob feels about me. You...you feel the same way?' Alice started apologizing. You spoke again, saying, 'So you're...in love with me?' Alice replied, 'Deeply.' Esme remembered looking at Carlisle, both of them very, very surprised and very, very worried. That's when Esme realized what she'd done. She stopped thinking and looked at me, putting her hand over her mouth. I ran out of the house. She tried to stop me, but I was already running."

Edward paused, trying to remove the anger from his face. He failed. It was too strong. The memory was channeling too much of it. He was frightening. I tried to imagine what he must've looked like when he found out. I shuddered.

"As I was running, I heard the car. Alice was home. I didn't even think. I was too angry. I was past thought. I ran towards the car. Alice had already gotten out and moved away from the car. She hadn't even gotten to the garage. She was waiting for me, naturally. I started yelling immediately." Edward looked down sadly, remembering his actions. But he still hadn't managed to erase the anger from his face. It was a strange mix of emotion.

"I asked her if she'd like to explain herself. That I had just heard Esme thinking about the conversation she'd had with you last night. That Esme remembered her telling you that she was in love with you. I asked her if this was some kind of sick joke.

"Alice shook her head. I think she tried to say something, but I kept shouting at her. I said, 'How could you do this to me, Alice? How could you let this happen?'

"She was still looking at the ground when she told me that she didn't want it to happen. That she didn't ask for it. That she had tried to prevent it and it didn't matter what she did. She told me she was sorry. I just kept going," Edward whispered, disgusted with himself. I couldn't help but wonder, though, if just a little of that disgust was still directed towards Alice.

"I said, 'How could you be so selfish? How could you do that to Bella?'"

When Edward said that, I _really_ had to bite my tongue. I wanted to tell him off right there. But I also wanted to hear the rest. I stayed silent.

"Alice started to cry. Well, as much as we can cry. She said she knew it was horrible and selfish and that she never wanted to hurt you or me. She said she never even wanted to tell you. She didn't want to upset you. She said she hated herself for it. And that she had tried to make it go away and it wouldn't. She couldn't help it.

"She told Jasper to stay in the house, too. He was going to come break it up. It didn't really matter. The conversation ended shortly thereafter. Then she said 'I'm sorry, Edward. I didn't mean for this to happen. I'm still trying to make it go away, and every time I do, it just gets worse. I'd give anything to make it disappear. To make it better. I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You're my brother. You're my best friend, Edward. Please, forgive me. Please.' She was still crying."

Edward closed his eyes and took a breath. I had been waiting for the blow. Here it was.

"I told her the same thing I just said tonight. I looked at Alice and said, 'You're no better than Jacob Black. No better than the damn _dog_.'"

Edward paused. He wouldn't look at me.

I couldn't believe it. He _had_ said that to her face. I looked at him, whispering a quiet, disbelieving reproach, "Edward..."

"I left her there. I was coming over here to see you. Carlisle caught me before I made it to the garage. All he said was, 'I had hoped for better.' He went to go take care of Alice, with Jasper and Esme. Emmett was in the garage..."

"Wait, Emmett, heard it?" I asked, surprised, hoping that Emmett hadn't already made fun of Alice for it.

Edward nodded. "Everyone heard it. Emmett was leaning on his Jeep. Rosalie was there with him. She just looked shell shocked. Emmett spoke just before I got in the car. He said, 'Too harsh, man. Way too harsh.' I barely heard him. I didn't say anything to him or Carlisle. I was too angry. And then I got over here, and smelled that vampire in your room. You know the rest."

Edward finished, self-hatred written on his face. The anger was slowly dissipating. It was nowhere near gone, but I thought in a week or so it might be. I sat there, thinking about what Edward had told me. He had been horrible. He had been downright cruel to Alice. There was no other way to describe it. This was probably the only time in my life I had been truly disappointed in him.

"Edward," I began. I wasn't angry anymore. I was just disappointed. "I don't expect you to be perfect. I know you're angry and I understand why you are. I don't expect you not to be angry. I don't expect you not to be hurt. I want you to understand that before I continue."

Edward nodded. "I understand." He looked relieved that I at least understood why he felt the way he did.

"I'm not angry with you for feeling the way you do. I expected that. I am, however, furious with you...no, disappointed in you for how you treated Alice. I didn't even expect you not to say something to her. I expected you to want to speak with her, and I knew your anger might get a little out of hand. But you made a couple of low blows, Edward, and you know it."

Edward nodded, "I know. I should've known better than to treat _any_ of my family members like that. I'm sorry I let you down, love. That's worse for me than if you were angry with me."

I nodded, curling my arms around his waist and resting my chin on his marble shoulder.

"I know. And I forgive you. You know that. But it's not _my_ forgiveness you should be worrying about right now."

Edward sighed and his cold breath blew lightly past my ear. "I know. I'm not sure what I said was forgivable, Bella."

"I don't know. But we can find out. Where's your phone?"

Edward arched an eyebrow at me. "In my pocket." He dragged the tiny, sleek, silver phone out of his back pocket. "Why?"

"Give it to me."

Edward looked at me warily, but handed me the phone. He could snatch it back in the blink of an eye if he didn't like where I was going with this.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm calling Alice."

I flipped open the little phone and pressed the menu button. I pressed the down arrow which took me to the address book icon. I selected that. Alice was the first entry in the book. I pressed the button with the little green phone on the left side of the keypad. The screen flashed "Calling Alice." I pressed the phone to my right ear. I wondered if she would foresee that it was me calling, or if I had made the decision quick enough to catch her off guard.

"She might not answer," Edward murmured worriedly.

The first ring was stopped short as Alice picked up.

"Edward?" She squeaked uneasily.

"Hi Alice, it's Bella."

Alice audibly sighed in relief. "Hi, Bella. What's going on?"

"I want you to come over to my house for a few minutes, Alice."

"Bella, I'm not sure that's such a good idea-"

There was a pause on the other line. Edward was following the conversation with a puzzled expression. After about a minute, I wondered if the call had dropped.

"Alice?"

"Right here, Bella. Sorry. Vision." Alice paused again. "I don't think he wants me over there, Bella. And I can see what you're planning. I can't see if it's going to work. But, to be honest, I'm not sure I want to find out."

"I think it's going to work just fine, Alice. I want you to come over. If Edward gives you any lip, he can answer to me." I looked over at Edward, giving him a threatening look to back up my statement. Edward put his hands up disarmingly.

Alice sighed. "Okay, Bella. I'll be over in a few minutes."

Alice hung up immediately. Edward looked at me questioningly.

"What was that about?" He asked as I returned his phone. He pocketed it.

"You'll see. I'm not telling you now, though. I don't want Alice to see it." I left off mysteriously and waited for Alice to arrive.

About five minutes later, Alice appeared in the window, eyeing Edward apprehensively. She looked terrible. For a vampire, at least. I didn't know until then that if a vampire cried enough, that their eyes could turn red like a human's could. It wasn't nearly as pronounced, and I assumed that it went away much quicker than a human's, but it was still there. Her hair wasn't set in that perfect, spiky disarray as it usually was. It looked truly messy, tufts of hair sticking up in a few places.

"Hi, Bella. Hi, Edward." Alice whispered the last part, obviously scared of Edward's reaction.

I got up and went over to the window, taking Alice's hand and pulling her inside my room. I tugged her to the middle of the room and stopped. I turned to Edward.

"Edward. I want you to apologize to Alice for what you said to her today."

Edward nodded in understanding. He wasn't going to protest. He knew he needed to apologize. He also knew that I wasn't forcing him to do this. I was giving him the opportunity. If he decided to apologize, he was doing it of his own accord. He stood up and walked over to where Alice stood, looking down at the carpet. I moved over a little, giving them some space. Edward put a finger under Alice's chin, tilting her head up so that he could look her in the eye. He put his hand back down once he had her attention.

"Alice, what I said to you today was deplorable. I was angry, yes. I'm still a little angry. But I let it get out of hand. I shouldn't have flown off the handle. I should _never_ have said those things to you. I don't expect forgiveness. What I said was, in my opinion, unforgivable. I was a poor excuse for a brother and a poor excuse for a best friend today. I promise you, Alice, that I'll _never_ speak to you like that again. I'm sorry, Alice."

Alice stood, looking wide-eyed at him for a moment. Then, with a strangled whimper, Alice launched herself at Edward, throwing her tiny arms around him. Edward looked down at her in surprise. I heard her muffled words from around Edward's shoulder.

"Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I really didn't mean for this to happen and I hate that it did. I _tried_, Edward."

Edward sighed and ruffled her hair. "I know. I'm still angry. You're just going to have to give me awhile to calm down. But I suppose..." Edward paused to look at me. Then he looked back down at Alice. "I suppose I forgive you."

Alice pulled away for a short minute, shocked, to look at him. Then she buried her head back in his shoulder, starting to crying for what I was sure was about the millionth time that day. If she had been human, I was sure that she would've soaked through Edward's shirt in about three minutes.

"Thank you! Edward, I thought you were _never_ going to forgive me. I thought I was doomed when you found out. I _really_ thought you weren't going to forgive me, even after a thousand years. I thought that I had pretty much screwed things up for good."

Edward shook his head. "No. I wouldn't have been able to go that long without talking to you. Just...give me some time, Alice. This is difficult for me."

"I know. I'll give you all the time you want. I'm just glad you've forgiven me."

Edward smiled as Alice backed away. "You should thank Bella. It was her idea."

"I know." Alice turned to me, beaming. I could tell she wanted to hug me much like she had Edward, but that she was wary of doing so with him in the room. "Thank you, Bella. You have no idea how much that was eating at me."

I took two steps forward, putting my arms around her and pulling me to her.

"I have an idea," I whispered in her ear. "I'm just glad that maybe you'll stop crying now. I don't like seeing you so miserable. Plus, it makes your eyes red."

Alice pulled back, surprised, head cocked to the side. "It does?"

I nodded.

She turned to Edward. "I didn't think that could happen."

He shrugged. "Neither did I."

She laughed her tinkling, silver laugh. "Oh well. It should go away, right?"

Alice walked back over to the window sill. She turned to look back at us. "Thank you," she whispered. "Both of you. Along with Jasper, you two are my world. I can't stand for you to be unhappy with me. It's unbearable. I'm really glad things are better now."

Edward smiled. It was a little strained, but otherwise, a genuine smile. "Me, too, Alice."

She grinned back. Before she slid out the window, she turned back to me.

"Thank you. For keeping me from going insane. I was going to, at this rate."

I smiled. "I know. Trust me. And you're welcome. I'm glad you're happier now."

Alice smiled back at both of us before slipping silently into the balmy May night.

Edward sighed when she had gone.

"Thank you, Edward. I know that was a little difficult for you. But it was the right thing to do."

Edward nodded. "It was. Thank you for giving me the opportunity."

I was about to to say 'you're welcome,' but I was unable to stop the wide yawn from escaping.

Edward smiled softly. "Bed time."

For once I didn't argue. The two nights of little sleep were catching up with me. I was exhausted. We settled back down on the bed, in the same position we were in before this whole incident. I sighed, waiting for Edward to start singing again.

"Bella?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

I looked up at Edward, staring questioningly into his perfect face. "For what?"

"For making me a better person. If you hadn't gotten angry with me, if you hadn't told me to apologize, if you hadn't put things in perspective for me, I would've let my sister continue to be miserable. I might've even continued to convince myself that I was _justified_ for treating her that way. Thank you for helping me remember that that kind of behavior is _always_ unacceptable, no matter the circumstances. Thank you for helping me remember that no one deserves that."

I just smiled sleepily. "You're welcome. Thank you for...just being here," I giggled drowsily.

Edward chuckled. "Do you still want me to sing to you?"

I looked at him briefly, rolling my eyes before closing them and settling in, pressing my ear to him again. "Of course. What kind of question is that?"

Edward laughed softly. I could feel his stomach bouncing with it. I smiled.

Edward started singing my lullaby once more. I inhaled deeply, then sighed, feeling the notes of my lullaby vibrate against my ear, and hearing it resonate through the room as Edward's warm, velvet voice rocked me to sleep.

**Keep those reviews coming, guys! Reviews are like an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's Half-Baked ice cream. (If you haven't tried that stuff, go buy some)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello readers! I want to give a huge thank you and one of the aforementioned pints of Ben and Jerry's to all of my lovely reviewers. You guys never fail to make my day. :)**

**This chapter's quote is on page 278 in my edition of _Eclipse_. The quote is a bit before Bella hears Jasper's story. Just look for the Seattle Newspaper article in Chapter 12 of _Eclipse_. It's formatted differently than everything else and this quote is right by it at the top of a paragraph. I think that's all I have to say for now! Hope you enjoy Chapter 3 and thanks for reading! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own a thing. If I did, _Twilight_ would've been Alice/Bella.**

_Time continued to move too fast._

_ That night flew by dreamlessly, and then it was morning and graduation was staring me in the face. I had a pile of studying to do for my finals that I knew wouldn't get halfway through in the few days I had left._

I woke up early that Tuesday. Much earlier than usual, even for a school day. I awoke slowly, opening my eyes and blinking into the darkness. I rolled over, glancing at the red numbers of my alarm clock glinting in the dark. 5:45? I groaned and rolled back over, burrowing into the covers. I usually woke up at seven o'clock to get to school before the eight fifteen bell. At least, that's when Edward usually forced me out of bed in the morning. Then, as I started to ease into consciousness, I realized something. Edward wasn't here.

"Edward?" I whispered, expecting him to appear in my window or from somewhere else inside my room. I waited for a moment. Nothing.

"Edward?" I called, a little louder this time, uneasy. Again, nothing. I was starting to get a little panicky when I heard a higher voice drift in from the direction of my window.

"He's not here. It's been a little while since he last hunted. He decided to go before school. He left you a note, but I don't think you saw it."

I squinted in the darkness, finally spotting a little black outline perched on my window sill. I squinted harder, recognizing Alice's silhouette against the cobalt sky characteristic of early morning.

I searched around for the note, finally finding it buried in my sheets. I was sure Edward had put it somewhere where he _thought_ I would find it. I'm just an unfortunately restless sleeper. I unfolded it and held it near my clock, reading by the light of the little red numbers. Edward's perfect script flowed across the page in the sanguine light.

_I'm sorry I can't be here when you wake up. I didn't want to wake you. I'm going hunting with Emmett before school. I've left Alice here to keep an eye on things. I'll be back by the time you're eating breakfast. I love you. More than anything._

I sighed in disappointment. I hated waking up without Edward. That's why I was awake now. I couldn't sleep without him. I huffed, disgruntled.

"You're not going to be able to go back to sleep." Alice whispered from my window.

I growled a little under my breath. "Figures."

Alice peeked around the window frame tentatively, obviously worrying that she had upset me.

I sighed. "You can come sit down, Alice."

She smiled, her pearly teeth appearing in the darkness of my room. "Okay."

Alice ghosted over from the window sill, settling cross-legged at the foot of my bed.

"Good morning!" she bounced perkily.

"Ugh, Alice, spare me. It's too early," I grumbled. Sometimes Alice was a little too much to take in the mornings. Especially _this_ early.

Alice laughed her tinkling little laugh. "Sorry, Bella. I forgot you're grumpy in the mornings."

"Coming from someone who doesn't _sleep_." I rolled my eyes. "Trust me, if you remembered what it's like to rely on sleep, you'd understand why I'm grumpy."

Alice frowned, cocking her head to the side. "No. I think I was a morning person as a human. But what do I know? It's not like I actually remember."

I rubbed my eyes. "No, I'm sure you were. It fits you."

Alice smiled. "Thank you."

"That wasn't exactly a compliment."

Alice just giggled again. "So, I was thinking about the graduation party..."

I groaned. "Alice. Please. Can we not talk about this?"

This time it was Alice's turn to roll her eyes. "Don't be a baby about it, Bella. I'm just trying to include you."

"I don't want to know anything about it, Alice. I'll show up. And I'll despise it. Isn't that enough? Please don't make it harder on me than it needs to be," I whined.

"Fine," Alice pouted. "But don't come complaining to me when you refused to be involved. I _don't_ want to hear it."

"Wonderful. Thank you. I'm stressed out enough as it is."

Alice raised her eyebrows, worry shining in her eyes.

"Stressed? Why? This isn't about the whole vampire-in-your room thing, is it? We've already told you, everything is going to be fin-"

"No. It's not about that."

Alice arched an eyebrow at me.

"Well, okay, yeah, some of it is. I wish you and Edward would take it more seriously."

Alice sighed. "Bella, I know you're worried. But there's really no reason to freak out right now. I'll tell you if it's time to worry."

I looked at her for a moment. Alice was trying to take my fears into account. I still thought she was being a tad flippant about it, but she was making a genuine effort.

"You promise? You absolutely promise that if _anything_ goes wrong, you'll tell me?"

Alice nodded. "I promise."

I felt a little better. "Okay."

Alice looked at me curiously. "You still look a little nervous. Why?"

"Oh. Exams. I'm really worried about Calculus. I'm thinking I might fail that one. I really wanted a high B in there."

Alice laughed.

"It's not funny!" I frowned.

Alice stopped immediately. "I'm sorry. Don't worry about it. You'll make a 75 on the exam and end up with an 86 in the class."

"Oh. Thanks," I sighed, relieved. It was one more thing off my plate.

"No problem."

The conversation lagged for a moment. I rubbed my eyes again. They felt sandy and puffy and burned just a little. I hated waking up early. My body was jittering with fatigue. As I was thinking about how much I wished I could go back to sleep, Alice sighed. "I like this."

I looked up, smiling, but confused. "What?"

Alice smiled, looking out the window for a moment. "Just talking to you. We haven't talked in awhile. Not really. I mean, a little here and there at school, but other than that..." Alice trailed off, turning to me again.

I thought about it. She was right. We talked about nonsense at the lunch table, we spoke a little if I was at the Cullens' house. But other than that, we hadn't had a real conversation in nearly a week. I guess it was because Alice and I hadn't had any extended contact since my "kidnapping." Alice wasn't avoiding me, really. But she had kept the face time to a minimum lately. Probably still scared of Edward. I didn't blame her.

"You're right." I frowned. "We haven't talked in awhile. But we're talking now," I grinned.

"Yes," Alice smiled softly. "We are. So." Alice perked up, planting both elbows on her legs and putting her head in her hands, another conversation topic whirling around in her brain. "You went to that werewolf...thingy the other night, yes? It was a party, right? What was that like?"

I had to hold in my laughter. Alice looked hilarious, sitting there, head in her hands, wide-eyed and curious. I could see the wheels turning in her brain, wondering what a werewolf party was like. Alice _did_ love parties. It didn't surprise me that she wanted the details on this one. Even if it was a "werewolf thingy."

"Well, it was a bonfire party. Out on the cliffs by the beach. There was a _ton_ of food. It was impressive. And it was all gone within an hour and a half tops. Those kids eat like you wouldn't believe."

Alice giggled. "Really?"

I nodded. "It gets ridiculous. I'm not sure how their families keep them fed. I lost count of how many hot dogs Jacob ate after he hit ten. I think it probably ended up being closer to twenty."

Alice sat and thought for a minute. "How many did you eat? I'm trying to get a sense of how much food that is compared to what a regular human would eat."

I hadn't thought that Alice wouldn't really understand the magnitude of devouring almost twenty hot dogs.

"I ate three, plus some chips and I drank some coke. I ended up feeling like I was going to puke. _Jacob_ ate close to twenty hot dogs, an entire _bag_ of chips, and drank a whole two liter of root beer."

Alice's eyes widened. "Oh. Okay. That puts it in perspective."

I nodded. "After that, they told the old tribal legends. It was amazing to hear. Especially knowing it's all true."

"That sounds intriguing."

"It was. It was...indescribable. There was this feeling there, that night. I really can't explain it to you."

Alice frowned a little. "I wish I was allowed to hear them. It sounds interesting."

"You wouldn't be offended that they were werewolf legends? They didn't say a whole lot of nice things about vampires."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Well, obviously not. But why would I be offended? I'm involved in them, right? By association, I mean."

"I guess you have a point. They _did_ talk about Carlisle. About the first time the Cullens were here."

"Really? They didn't say anything rude, did they?" Alice narrowed her eyes.

"No. Actually, they were pretty complimentary of Carlisle. That's saying something, considering that they _enjoy_ being rude to vampires."

Alice giggled. "True. So how was Jacob? Did he behave this time?"

I could see that Alice was trying to keep a neutral standpoint, here. But there was a small bit of a threat underneath her question. She wasn't going to be happy if Jacob hadn't been acting as she thought he should.

"Yeah, Jacob was fine this time. Thank goodness." I sighed.

Alice's eyes softened in sympathy. "I know it's hard for you when he's not behaving."

I nodded in agreement. "It ruins it. I love being with Jake. So it sucks when we're having a good time, and then he starts acting weird. It gets to where I'm just a little afraid of spending time with him. I'm afraid I'll finally get comfortable with him, and then he'll start talking about how he's in love with me. I want to let my guard down. But it's hard to sometimes now. I miss my Jacob."

Alice frowned, questioning. "What do you mean?"

I leaned back on my pillows a little. "I mean I miss who Jacob was _before_ he became a werewolf and _before _all this romantic crap started. _My _Jacob. The Jacob who was happy and sunny and fun. The Jake who was comfortable to be with. That's the part I miss the most, I think. It was so easy with my Jacob. I didn't have to think about it. I could just _be._ We could just be. This new Jacob isn't happy. He's angry, he's frustrated, he says he's in love with me, and he's depressed because of that, and he won't leave me alone about it. He won't let me be."

Alice drummed her fingers on her leg. "I think I understand what you're saying. It makes sense. You became friends with _your_ Jacob. And then new Jacob comes in and messes it all up."

"Yeah, basically. My Jacob is present about fifty five percent of the time. It's enough that I keep spending time with Jake. I'm just tired of the new Jacob. He makes it harder to be friends with my Jacob."

Alice was suddenly in deep thought. She sat with her chin in her left palm, fingers pressed to her lips, frowning. Then she opened her mouth to say something, but hesitated and shut it again.

What was she thinking? It was times like this I wished I had Edward's ability.

"You can say it, Alice. Whatever it is."

Alice nodded, hesitated a little longer, and then decided to speak. "Do you...do you miss the old Alice? Your Alice? Does the new Alice make things difficult?" She chewed her lip worriedly.

I thought about it for a moment. Really, I hadn't seen that much of a difference in the two. Alice wasn't pushy like Jacob, so it was harder to see the similarities and differences. Like with Jacob, the new Alice wasn't as happy as my Alice. But it was a little different, still.

I looked over at Alice. My silence was making her nervous. She was still biting her lip, staring at me apprehensively. I spoke.

"Well, yes and no."

Alice's tiny face fell.

"No, wait, you didn't let me finish. Let me explain."

Alice wasn't completely comforted, but she let me continue.

"New Alice doesn't make things difficult. Not at all. You've been extraordinarily considerate about this whole thing. Really. I'm impressed. I probably wouldn't be quite so good at being as thoughtful and as careful as you've been. You're so afraid of upsetting me that there's no way possible for new Alice to be difficult."

Alice brightened a little.

"Having said that, I do miss my Alice."

Alice's face fell again. I knew it would.

"Again, you didn't let me finish. I miss my Alice because my Alice was happier. It's not that new Alice is difficult. It's that new Alice is unhappy. My Alice was always happy. Confident. Optimistic. New Alice is sad. New Alice is scared. New Alice doesn't have much hope."

Alice nodded gravely. "You're right. New Alice isn't much fun to be around, is she?"

I shook my head. "That's not it. It's more like new Alice makes me sad."

Alice looked out the window again. "I'm sorry. I don't mean to make you sad. I'm trying not to be too mopey."

"I know you are. You're doing a pretty good job, considering. Don't beat yourself up. You do too much of that already."

Alice sighed. "Okay. I'll try."

We sat in silence for a little while. Alice was staring pensively out the window at the sky, which had changed from a dark cobalt into a lighter, grayer, slate blue. I was feeling a little contemplative as well. Talking about the werewolf bonfire party had reminded me of something else.

Before going to meet Jacob at the treaty line, before the party, Edward and I had come by his house to pick up my motorcycle. I was returning it to Jacob. I didn't have any use for it. We had gotten to the house a little early, so we decided to go inside for a few minutes.

When we went inside, we said hello to Esme. She asked me all the normal mothery questions. How was I doing? How was school? Was I hungry? Did I need anything? Was I going to be warm enough in that shirt at that party tonight or did I need to borrow a jacket? I said I was fine; school was okay besides calculus; no, I wasn't hungry, but thank you; no, I didn't need anything; I thought I'd be warm enough tonight, no need to borrow a jacket. Carlisle brought me a jacket anyway and told me they had no use for it. I might as well wear it. I smiled and took it.

After that, Edward and I went over to the couch where Emmett and Jasper were playing video games. Emmett had a pile of broken controllers next to him in a heap shattered plastic and red and blue and yellow wires sticking out at unhealthy looking angles. Emmett usually got a little caught up in the game. He didn't like losing. Especially when the outcomes of the games made perfect gambling material. Emmett and Jasper were infamous gamblers. Poor Emmett. It wasn't really fair. Jasper had Alice on his side.

Edward and I sat down next to them. Edward was on the left end of the couch, then me, then Alice, Jasper, and finally Emmett. I watched Emmett and Jasper's hands move in a blur across the controllers. It looked really cool on the screen. Like it did on the video game commercials. Emmett won the game we were watching. Jasper handed him a stack of bills. Emmett and Jasper looked over to say hi to Edward and me before the next game. Emmett looked back at the screen before Jasper did and I saw Alice mutter something to him out of the corner of her mouth. Emmett and Jasper then made another wager and started a new game.

I was watching the second match when I noticed something. Alice looked restless. Almost fidgety. Strange. Vampires weren't restless. Vampires didn't fidget. Sometimes they acted that way to put humans at ease. Standing perfectly still for hours at a time tended to freak other people out. But around me, the Cullens acted natural. They didn't put on an act for me. So why was Alice acting so odd? I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye. She was sitting right between Jasper and me, in the very middle, with the same amount of space on either side. But she was _leaning_ toward Jasper. I could barely tell. It almost looked like she was sitting straight. But if I looked close enough, I could see it. I watched her over the next fifteen minutes or so. After about a minute, she shifted, slowly leaning towards me. Another minute went by, and then she tilted back towards Jasper. Then angled herself back towards me.

It went on like this. A minute near Jasper, a minute near me. She wasn't doing it on purpose, that much I could tell. It looked involuntary, like the way humans shifted their weight from leg to leg when standing. She kept gently seesawing back and forth like that until it was time for us to leave.

I was thinking about her odd behavior now. It had been like she couldn't decide between us. She just kept shifting. It made me wonder. Was it like that for her emotionally? Were Jasper and I equal, or did she prefer one or the other? I wanted to ask, but I was afraid she'd be offended.

"You're trying to decide whether to ask me a question," Alice spoke, turning away from the window. "I keep getting flashes of it, but then it disappears. You can ask it, Bella. You know I don't mind."

"I don't want you to think I'm being rude or anything..."

"Bella." Alice stared me straight in the eye. "You have been more understanding about this whole situation than I deserve. You've assured me over and over that you're not upset with me, you tell me you don't like that I'm sad about it. You even had Edward apologize to me. If you have a question, I'll answer it. No matter what it is."

I nodded. "Okay. I was wondering. With me and Jasper...do you love one of us more than the other?"

Alice sighed. "That's a good question," she murmured. "I can understand why you asked it. The answer is no."

I looked at her, surprised. I would've sworn that the answer to that question would've been yes. I would've sworn that she would say she loved Jasper more than me.

"Really?"

Alice nodded. "Yes, really. You're different enough that it would be nearly impossible to love one of you more than the other. Jasper is quiet, steady, logical, a little predictable, safe, patient, understanding; he angers slowly, but he's quite dangerous once he's gotten there; he loves quietly but strongly. You are surprisingly outspoken for someone who is supposed to be shy, a little unconventional, completely unpredictable, sometimes a little irrational, impatient. But you're kind. Thoughtful. S_elfless_. You anger quickly; you love more openly and more fiercely than anyone I've ever met. You're very different from one another. And I love both of you immeasurably. It's a little like what mothers with more than one child say. That the love isn't divided. It multiplies. That's what it feels like to me."

I was shocked. I had assumed that I was second to Jasper. Not that I didn't think Alice loved me. She absolutely did. You could see it in the way she held herself around me, see it in the way she smiled at me, see it in the way her eyes shone whenever I was present. But I didn't think she loved me quite as deeply as she did. It made me feel terrible that I couldn't return it.

"Do you think..." I paused for a minute.

"Go ahead," Alice encouraged, nodding at me.

"Do you think it'll ever change? Do you think you'll ever, well, get over me? I hate that you're stuck with this...this...I can't think of the word."

Alice laughed sadly. "I know it sounds a little cliche, but unrequited love?"

"Yes. Do you think it'll go away?"

Alice looked down at my comforter, mist creeping into her eyes. "Bella, you know that change of any kind is very rare with vampires, right?"

I nodded, a little nervous as to where this was going.

"Vampires are set in their ways. So when vampires _do_ change, it's major. And it's absolutely permanent."

What did that mean for Alice? I was afraid of the answer.

"So once a vampire falls in love, can they fall out of love?" I asked anxiously.

Alice looked out the window again.

"No, Bella. They can't."

I leaned farther back against my pillows and put my hands over my face. This was much worse than I originally anticipated. This was horrible. Did this mean that Alice was going to be stuck, heartbroken like this forever?

"So, this is permanent? You're going to feel like this forever?"

"I'm afraid so."

I uncovered my eyes and sat up. Alice turned to me, nervous again. "Does that bother you?"

"Yes, it does! You're miserable, Alice! And you're telling me it's permanent?"

Alice just nodded.

I shook my head in disbelief. I didn't understand it. Why? Why should anyone have to live like that? It was like the universe had decided to ruin Alice's life. It wasn't fair. She didn't deserve this.

"Alice," I breathed. "What are you going to do?"

Alice didn't move. She just closed her eyes and sighed. "Nothing. There's nothing I _can_ do. I've tried. I'm caught. So I'm just going to try and make the best of it. Try not to mope too much. Try to enjoy the time I get to spend with you, and be grateful that you haven't disowned me. Try to be happy when I can, for Jasper. That's all I can do. Everything else is out of my control."

Of course. Little Alice would just try to dredge up whatever optimism was left in her and keep trudging along.

"I wish there was _something_ I could do."

"Bella, you've done more than I could've hoped for. And it _has_ made feel better. I'm much happier than I was before I told you. Really."

"I know, but-"

"Bella. Sometimes there are things in life that are out of your control. And they're not always convenient, not always pleasant. You just have to do what you can. Is it fair? No. Absolutely not. But that's life. I've lived long enough to know that." Alice looked back out the window, pale skin gleaming in the gray light of an early rainy morning.

I hated this. I felt responsible for this. The Cullens' lives would've been so much easier if I had never shown up. I had always thought that. Alice's plight just reinforced that belief.

I scooted over so that I was sitting beside Alice. My arms encircled her tiny waist, and I put my head on her shoulder. It was the only thing I could think of to do. I wanted to cry.

Alice placed an arm around my shoulder and squeezed me lightly. She pressed her frosty cheek to the top of my head. Then she did something that cemented the guilt and grief that was building up in me. It was small. Nothing drastic. Up until that moment I had had difficulty believing that Alice was really in love with me. I think it was because she was so cautious around me. I had trouble thinking of the love she referred to as anything other than the sisterly love I was used to.

But after Alice placed her cheek on my head, she did something else. She turned her head so I could feel her nose against my hair and inhaled deeply so I heard the slow intake of breath. I could imagine the look on her face. Eyes shut tightly, eyebrows just barely pulled together, face otherwise relaxed. There was nothing sisterly about it. I could feel the love and longing emanating from her. Alice turned and rested her cheek back on my head. I felt her exhale, my hair fluttering in her breath, and I swear, for just a moment, almost inaudibly, I heard something akin to a purr escape her parted lips. That, more than anything else, made everything a reality. That was what cemented that feeling of culpability that was roiling around in me.

I felt hot tears well up in my closed eyes. I clenched my jaw and sucked them back in.

After a moment, Alice whispered, "Edward is going to be back in about forty five minutes. I know it takes you about that long to get ready for school."

I nodded. Alice disentangled herself from me without a word. I sat on the bed, dejected. I heard Alice's silver voice speak quietly at my left.

"I'm glad we got to talk. I'm sorry our conversations aren't as happy anymore. It's my fault."

"No. I think we needed to talk. It wasn't all sad. Some parts were fun. And it's not your fault Alice. None of this is. I just wish I could love you the way you love me."

"I know you do, Bella. And that's all I can ask for."

I nodded and sighed. "Bye Alice. I'll see you at school." My goodbye sounded so mundane compared to the conversation.

"Bye Bella," Alice whispered. I turned to see her give me one last look before she dropped out the window. The look in her eyes was enough to bring my tears back. That familiar mistiness clouded them. Her eyes, usually a gleaming amber, were darkened a little in gentle desire. But it was the silvery sheen that lit her eyes that saddened me the most. Love.

Alice smiled feebly at me before disappearing out the window into the gray, dewy morning.

**I would be forever grateful if you would click that little button to the left and leave a review! Reviews are like getting off work early! :) (I got off early today. It was a beautiful thing.)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello readers! Can I just say that I love you guys? Like, a lot? Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! You guys make having to get up for work so much easier. I love getting up in the morning and finding reviews in my inbox. It keeps me motivated. So thanks bunches! :D**

**This chapter's quote is on page 308 in my edition of _Eclipse. _It's at the tail end of Chapter 13. Also, I heard from lots of you that you're pretty anxious about the Alice/Bella part to pick up. Although I'm taking my time developing the relationship, that doesn't mean you won't see things start to build pretty soon. So don't worry. :) I think that's about it! Hope you all enjoy Chapter 4! Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. I so wish I did, but I don't. I'm just borrowing Stephenie Meyer's characters and, as usual, a quote from her book.**

_"This isn't good," Jasper said. "It's too even a fight. We'd have the upper hand in skill, but not numbers. We'd win, but at what price?" His tense eyes flashed to Alice's face and away._

_ I wanted to scream out loud as I grasped what Jasper meant._

_ We would win, but we would lose. Some wouldn't survive._

_ I looked around the room at their faces-Jasper, Alice, Emmett, Rose, Esme, Carlisle...Edward- the faces of my family._

I half-collapsed backwards, plopping on the couch beside Esme before my knees gave out.

No. This wasn't happening. This couldn't happen. The mere _thought_ of losing one of them, _any_ of them, even Rose, made me quite literally sick. I was petrified of how it would affect me if that thought became reality. I curled my arms around myself, closing my eyes tight and shaking my head back and forth infinitesimally. I felt Esme's frigid hand gently place itself on my shoulder.

"Bella, honey..."

Then Carlisle spoke.

"Bella, Jasper just meant that that was a slight _possibility_. We really do have the upper hand."

I shook my head harder, "But Jasper said..."

Emmett cut in this time. "Woah, Bella, chill. It's not that bad."

I noticed that Jasper hadn't said anything to reassure me. I was about to open my mouth to snap at Emmett when I heard two voices at my left speak in unison, one a velvet bass, the other a silvery soprano.

"Bella."

I probably would've ignored Edward and Alice if either one of them had tried to get my attention by themselves. But together, I was inexplicably forced to open my eyes and listen.

"Bella," Edward repeated, quietly gliding over to sit next to me. He placed a hand very carefully on each side of my face. "Emmett and Carlisle are right. It's not quite as bad as you think. I'm not saying that the situation is devoid of all danger. But we do have the upper hand, especially with Jasper's training and Alice's foresight. We're not going to do anything rash. This is all going to be very carefully planned to minimize the chances of reaching the outcome you're afraid of."

I nodded, softly dislodging the smooth, stone hands on my cheeks.

"Bella?"

I peeked around Edward at the sound of Alice's lilting voice. She was hovering beside Jasper, expression serious, but not upset.

"I told you I'd tell you when it was time to worry, didn't I?"

I nodded, ignoring the mildly curious glances that came my way.

"It's not time to worry, Bella. Mild concern might be appropriate, but a breakdown isn't necessary."

"Too late," I laughed grimly.

"As it would seem," Alice grinned.

I swallowed hard, trying to calm my churning stomach. Edward and Alice's words had calmed me better than the others, but they had hardly made a dent in the feeling of terror and overwhelming anxiety that now consumed me. All of the sudden, I felt a gentle, but powerful wave of calm engulf me. Thank God for Jasper. I was sure I would've eventually thrown up at this rate.

I slumped against the back of the sofa, temporarily relieved from most of my debilitating fear and worry. But a little bit remained, enough that I was having trouble sitting here with the Cullens. Every time one of them spoke, I couldn't help but wonder if that would be the one who didn't come back from the fight they were discussing right now. I didn't absorb anything that they were saying. I just heard the voices that weaved through the conversation.

Emmett.

Carlisle.

Emmett.

Esme.

Jasper.

Carlisle.

Rosalie.

Jasper.

Alice.

_Edward_.

I couldn't sit here anymore. I had to get out of here, if only for a moment. I stood up. Edward looked at me concernedly.

"What's wrong, love? Do you need to leave? Do we need to go home?"

I shook my head. "No, I don't want to leave. I just...I want to go outside for a minute or something. To calm down."

"Alright. Do you want me to come with you?"

I paused to think about it. No, that would make it much, much worse. The purpose for going out on the porch was to get away from my family. I couldn't calm down when I was hearing their voices, seeing their faces. It made me more afraid of losing them.

"No, I'm alright. Just give me a few minutes and I'll be okay."

Edward stood up and kissed me lightly before I turned, a little lightheaded even after that small kiss, and made my way outside to the Cullens' enormous wrap-around front porch. I gulped lungfuls of cold, foggy air. It had stopped raining for the moment, so I decided to venture out a little into the yard. My feet skimmed the grass with every step, creating whisper-like sounds. Little pieces of the wet, green plant collected on my shoes. I walked until I reached a small oval outdoor alcove created by three ancient maple trees. I settled down under the largest of the three, facing the border of the forest that surrounded the Cullen house. The ground was wet, and I knew my jeans would be damp when I stood up, but I didn't care. I was just thankful to have some quiet for a moment. I sat with my knees pulled up to my chin, arms clutching my shins.

Why was it that whenever I thought things couldn't get any worse, they invariably did? I had thought that having a mysterious, strange vampire sneak into my room was bad. But an army of them? And now my family was going to try and fight them off?

I sighed, closing my eyes. Why couldn't we just be left alone? Every time I thought we had solved things with the Cullens' numerous enemies, they surprised us again. They kept showing back up. And then new ones, like this strange vampire and his or her army, came to ruin our happiness too.

My stomach was roiling again. Without Jasper nearby, the panic was starting to return. It was so strong. He was just a few hundred yards away and his gift was now almost ineffective. I wished he'd come closer to the front of the house. That way some of that calm I had felt in the living room might reach me. I also wished I could talk to Jasper for a few minutes. _Just_ Jasper. He hadn't commented about the gravity of the present situation while I was in the house. I wanted to ask him how bad things _really_ were. Where the rest of my family would try to comfort me, Jasper would tell me the absolute truth. Jasper was unfailingly honest, whether the truth hurt or not.

I sighed heavily. I started picking at the grass near my feet. Being out here helped. Not nearly enough to calm my stomach, but enough that I could breathe. I couldn't breathe in there, knowing that my family was in danger, knowing that I could do nothing about it, knowing that any one of them could...it was difficult for me to think the word..._die_.

Because of me. The Cullens' lives had been peaceful before me. If I hadn't come along, James would never have tracked me and Victoria would never have become violent with the Cullens. If I had never showed up, Edward wouldn't have tried to commit suicide via the Volturi, and they wouldn't be after the Cullens either. And this new threat involved me as well. All me. Everything I could think of that had gone wrong in the Cullens' lives lately had to do with me.

"We don't see it quite that way, you know."

I jumped and looked to my left, noticing a pair of worn, gray-brown cowboy boots standing next to me. I looked up to see Jasper's tawny eyes looking down at me, honey-blond hair falling over his face.

"What?"

"I could feel the guilt you're feeling. It got all the way across the lawn and to the house. You feel responsible."

"Yes," I whispered, looking back at the grass. The guilt was slowly dissolving, though, thanks to Jasper.

"May I sit down?" Jasper asked politely, gesturing to the patch of grass next to me.

"Yeah, sure. Of course," I stammered. I always got a bit nervous talking to Jasper. Of course, he usually took care of that in a minute or so, but it always appeared. I wasn't scared of Jasper. Not at all. Jasper and I just didn't talk much. We didn't dislike each other. We just didn't talk. Jasper liked to remain on the fringe of things, I was too shy to initiate conversation, and neither of us was terribly verbose. So when we did get a chance to talk, it was always a little awkward at first.

Jasper sat a few feet away from me, right leg stretched out on the damp grass, left leg bent, elbow propped on his left knee.

Jasper looked at me placidly and repeated his earlier comment. "I felt the guilt so strongly in the house. I thought you should know that we don't see it the way you do. Everyone considers you a part of the family. This feels the same to us as it would if someone was after Carlisle, or Emmett, or Esme. We would fight for them. We'll fight for you."

"Yes, but Carlisle and Emmett and Esme and everyone else can at least pull their own weight. They can defend themselves. I can't. And I feel like I'm a burden. Every time I turn around, _something's _after me, and then you all have to bend over backwards to keep me in one piece. I'm the one attracting all this. I should at least be able to do my part."

Jasper nodded in understanding. "I can see your point. It makes sense. But, again, we see it differently. We _want_ to help protect you, Bella. You're part of the family. We want to help. Everyone in that house loves you. They don't see you as a burden. They see you as a joy. They want to help keep you safe. They don't want to lose you."

"Even Rosalie?" I laughed.

Jasper chuckled throatily.

"Actually, even Rosalie wants to keep you around. She doesn't particularly like you, but you make Edward happy. And while Edward and Rosalie don't always get along, Rosalie still loves him as her brother and wants him to be happy. Even if it's with someone she doesn't care for."

Cool. Rosalie didn't want me dead. That was good news.

"Jasper?"

"Yes ma'am?"

I smiled a little at the 'ma'am'. Jasper was always a gentleman.

"I wanted to ask you a question."

Jasper nodded. "Of course. Go ahead."

"When I was worrying-well, more like freaking out- inside, you never said anything about how bad this thing is. How much trouble are we really in? What are our chances of actually losing someone?"

Jasper nodded once, grimly. "Well, we're not in great shape, Bella. We have the upper hand in skill, but our numbers aren't good. I don't want to undermine Alice, but I think she was being a little too optimistic, naturally. I would be a bit more than mildly concerned. We have about a forty five percent chance of losing a family member if we fight."

I knew Jasper would tell me the truth, even if it wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"So, our chances of losing someone is less than half, but not by much."

"I'm afraid so."

Jasper kept the terror at bay for now. If he hadn't been present, I might've passed out. Or thrown up.

"How many do you think we'll lose? More than one?"

"Two is very likely."

I blanched. _Two?_ I could barely handle one. But _two?_

"I'm sorry. I know that wasn't what you wanted to hear."

"No, it wasn't. But I wanted the truth. Everyone else tries too hard to sugar-coat things."

Jasper nodded. "They do. They don't want you to be scared. I've just always felt that knowing exactly what you're dealing with makes it a lot less frightening. Most people fear the unknown more than anything else. If you have a knowledge of the situation, you're less likely to fear it and more likely to be able to do something about it."

"I agree. Completely. I don't like being blindsided."

"Nor do I."

"Thank you. For telling the truth."

"You're very welcome," Jasper nodded once.

I sighed and closed my eyes for a minute, enjoying the relief from the fear and anxiety while I could. I listened to the pre-rain wind rustling through the maple leaves, felt it run smoothly and strongly across my face, blowing my hair back and whipping through my eyelashes. As I sat with my eyes closed, just enjoying the feel of the wind, I heard a delicate voice flutter from the porch to where Jasper and I sat right now.

"Jazz? It's going to start pouring in twenty seven minutes. Can you please make sure Bella's inside before it starts? I just had a vision of her catching cold from getting stuck in the rain."

Jasper and I both turned and looked across the vast lawn to see the black and white dot that was Alice's spiky head poking out the door. Jasper smiled slowly and lovingly at his wife.

"I'll make sure she gets inside before the downpour."

Alice grinned so widely that I could see it even across the wide distance.

"Thanks, Jazz."

I could see the joy on her face, even from over here. She loved that we were talking. She loved seeing us both, her two loves, in one place, together. It was the first truly happy expression I had seen on her in months. I couldn't help but grin back at her with Jasper.

Alice waved goodbye at us and pulled her head back in the house, shutting the door behind her.

I sighed as soon as she had gone. Alice. Just one more worry to add to my collection.

"I'm worried too," Jasper murmured. I knew he wasn't talking about the fight anymore.

I nodded.

"Jasper, how bad is she? Tell me honestly."

Jasper sighed. "It depends. If I stay near her, I can keep her from feeling miserable. I can at least keep her balanced. When I'm with her she's alright. She's happy to be there with me, for the most part. But there's always a small bit of guilt there. And she always pines just a little."

"I'm sorry, Jasper. Just one more thing I've ruined. Alice was happy..."

Jasper shook his head gently. "I'm not angry with you, Bella."

I looked up, wide eyed. "You're not?"

I had been sure that Jasper would harbor just a little resentment.

Jasper smiled sadly. "Of course I'm not. It's not your fault. No one's at fault. That's what makes these things difficult. People usually feel better if there's somewhere for the blame to go. They can channel that negative energy somewhere. But when there's a situation like this, when you know it's no one's doing, it makes it especially hard."

I sat and thought about it. He was right. Knowing that the situation couldn't be helped and knowing we couldn't do anything to fix it was maddening.

"I know you're not angry with me, but it's got to affect you somehow, Jasper. Alice said it did."

Jasper sighed. "It does affect me. I feel inadequate a good bit. I keep wondering what it is that I can't give her that you can. Even though I know that that's not why this happened. Even though I know this is just an unfortunate situation. Even though I know I'm being irrational."

I shrugged lightly, feeling the fabric of my shirt catch a bit on bark. "It makes sense to me. That'd be the first thing I'd think if Edward fell in love with someone else." I swallowed hard. The thought was unbearable.

Jasper looked at the grass. "I just want her to be happy. I don't care what that means. I'm trying to keep her grief away. She just feels so _strongly_. She always has. I think that's part of what drew me to her in the first place. It's difficult to keep that much emotion at bay."

I remembered Alice saying that Jasper felt everything she did. Went through everything she did. I knew that's how he found out about this whole mess in the first place. It made me wonder.

"Jasper?"

He looked up at me, expectant and polite.

"How long has this been going on? When did you figure out that Alice felt differently towards me?"

Jasper smiled with sad eyes.

"Well, Alice has _always_ loved you, Bella. I think it just took everyone a long time to recognize it for what it was. She said she loved you before she ever met you. She knew she loved you before Edward knew that he did. Did you know that?"

My eyes widened and my jaw dropped a bit. I knew I looked stupid. I just couldn't help it.

"No."

Jasper chuckled. "We were considering that you might be a threat to the family early on. The day Edward saved you from the van. We weren't sure if you were going to talk. We were afraid of the rumors. We weren't sure what to do, until Alice spoke up. She told us that you weren't a threat. She told Edward he was falling in love with you before it even occurred to him. And she said that she'd love you someday too. She just didn't realize that the love she predicted was exactly like the love Edward would feel for you."

I shook my head in disbelief. Jasper continued.

"As far as when _I_ became suspicious, that was much later. When Edward decided to leave you in the fall, I noticed that Alice was particularly angry. She was furious with him for leaving you here. She was of a mind to stay herself."

I smiled, even through the bad memories. Alice had tried to stay.

"But, of course, that didn't work. Carlisle insisted that everyone had to leave. It would be too suspicious for Alice to stay by herself. And most of us thought it'd be better for you if we all left. Alice knew better. She told us it wouldn't work. She told us you wouldn't take it well. We should've listened.

"Alice watched you the whole time we were gone. Edward asked her not to and, of course, she didn't listen."

"She was watching me? For my future? She said she hadn't been keeping tabs on me when she showed up at my house after the cliff-diving thing."

"She thought you'd be upset about it, I think. And she knew Edward would be put out. But she checked to see how you were every day, see if you were going to talk any more than you had the previous day, see if you were going to show any signs of life. She was depressed herself for quite awhile. She was so worried about you, Bella. You weren't getting any better, and it angered her that she couldn't be there to help. Then, you started visiting Jacob."

I looked at Jasper warily. "What did Alice think about that?"

"She wasn't happy that he was from LaPush, but she was elated that you were _talking_ again. You were completely unresponsive before that. She was thrilled that you looked somewhat alive for the first time in months. Soon after that, though, her visions started disappearing sporadically."

"Jacob's werewolf gene kicked in. What did she think it was?"

"She had no clue. It scared her to death the first time it happened. She was in the middle of a vision that involved you and it just stopped. Stopped dead. Alice looked around for your future and she couldn't find one. She panicked. I still remember that panic. It was so powerful. Alice was on the phone, getting a plane ticket to Seattle when your future reappeared. Her relief was as intense as her panic had been. Every time your future disappeared after that, Alice waited with the phone in her hand, waiting for you to reappear.

"But when she saw you _jump_? She didn't stop to think. She got on the first plane she could. I remember feeling the emotion hit me before I realized she was even having a vision. All I felt was agony. Pure agony. When I looked over, Alice had the phone in her hand, dialing and crying. She was almost out the door when I asked her what she had seen. She said, 'She jumped. She jumped. She hasn't come back up yet. Why hasn't she come back up? We never should've left. I _told_ him...' And then she was gone. She called me later on the plane to explain the situation.

"The emotion that hit me when she thought you were dead was what made me wonder. It was so strong, even for Alice. I can't describe it. If I had been human, I might've passed out from the force of it. Of course, I wasn't there when she saw that you were alive. If I had been, that would've absolutely confirmed things, I'm sure. And when you, Edward, and Alice came back from Volterra, I didn't feel the love she feels for you right then, either. She hadn't seen me in a few days, so most of her emotion was concentrated there. But later, when you came here for the 'vote'... I felt it then. We were all sitting in the dining room, if you recall. And when you stepped into view, I felt the love radiate off of her like a wave. It took everything I had not to gasp out loud. I realized why she had been so angry at Edward, why she hadn't wanted to leave you, why she was so panicked when she couldn't see your future, why that agony had practically gutted me it was so strong. That feeling that emanated from her. It was the same thing I felt from her when she looked at _me. _I still don't know how Edward didn't pick up on my thoughts. I blocked them as effectively as I could as quickly as I could. I guess I blocked them on time. Or maybe Edward was just too preoccupied with you to notice.

"I waited until after our meeting to talk to Alice about it. We went hunting together, which was useful. The rest of the family couldn't eavesdrop. When we were far enough away that the others couldn't hear, I tried to talk to Alice. But she spoke first. I remember the conversation very clearly. Alice said, 'Jasper, I'm so sorry. I flew off to Forks without giving you a good explanation as to what was going on until later. Then I went off to Volterra, risked my life and scared you to death. I didn't consider your feelings at all. I'm sorry. I acted rashly these past few days. I don't know what it is about her, Jasper, I just can't think around her. I do things without thinking about them. I don't understand why she affects me so strongly. I mean, of course she's my sister and I love her, so that would probably explain it...' I cut her off by shaking my head. She was confused. I said, 'No, Alice. That's not it. She's not like your sister.' Alice just looked at me. She was suspicious then. She said, 'Jasper, what do you mean?'"

Jasper sighed and closed his eyes, remembering that fateful conversation.

"I looked at her and said, 'Alice. I can feel it. I feel it coming off you like a wave. You don't just love her. You're in love with her.' Alice closed her eyes and put a hand over her mouth. I remember she sat there for quite some time. Then she nodded. She whispered, 'Oh my God. I...I didn't think it was that obvious, Jasper. I didn't even know myself until a few weeks ago. Jasper, I'm so sorry. Oh my God, I'm sorry, Jasper.' She started crying after that. We didn't go back to the house for hours. I let her cry, and she told me when it dawned on her, and how she felt about all of it. She told me she still loved me insanely and that she was trying to fix things. I told her I wasn't angry with her. I could feel her frustration, her helplessness. We were there for four and a half hours. We both needed time to get used to the idea. To let it sink in. And to get ready to have to block our thoughts."

"You blocked your thoughts for that long? From then until a few days ago?"

"Yes. It was nerve-wracking. We couldn't let down our guard for even a minute. And then Alice was feeling incredibly guilty the whole time, which made it harder for her to concentrate. But Edward couldn't know. We saw how that situation turned out," Jasper growled menacingly. Jasper looked frightening. He had not forgiven Edward for treating Alice like he had.

"Is she any happier now, though? Having things out in the open?" I asked.

Jasper nodded. "Yes. She's still not herself, but she's much more optimistic about things now. Having that bottled up was killing her."

Jasper and I sat in silence for a moment while I processed all the information he had just given me. As I thought, I remembered something Jasper had said. He said that even when Alice was around him, even when he could keep her fairly balanced, Alice still pined. For me.

"Jasper? When you and I are both in the room, I know Alice feels...indecisive, right?"

Jasper nodded affirmatively.

"So, can she just not decide who she wants? Does she switch back and forth between us emotionally?"

"Not exactly. She truly doesn't favor one of us over the other. She's drawn to both of us, so she's not always sure what to do. It's like tug of war. She's the flag in the middle and we're pulling her in both directions. I think the only way for her to be truly happy would be for her to have us both, honestly."

I sighed and rested my head against the maple tree.

"Do you think she'll be okay, Jasper? Alice told me this morning that this is permanent. Do you think she'll be happy enough to be alright?"

Jasper ran a hand through his blond hair.

"I don't know, Bella. I honestly have no idea. When I'm around her, I can keep her feeling alright. Unless you're around. It's very difficult to keep her on an even keel with you in the house."

I leaned over and pressed my forehead to my knees. "I'm sorry."

Jasper shook his head. "Again, I'm not angry. I'm just at a loss at this point. I don't know what to do with her. I'm trying. But it's not helping enough. I just want her to be _happy_, and I can't see a way for that to happen. I can't see it." Jasper trailed off, staring into the dense, wild forest in front of us.

I felt the same way Jasper did. I was tired of seeing Alice look miserable. I wanted to help, and there was nothing I could do. I just closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I had so much to worry about, and all at one time. I just sat there, breathing cold, misty air trying to forget those worries for a short while.

Suddenly I felt...water. I opened my eyes. A fat rain drop had landed on my arm. Jasper stood up quickly and held his arms out. "May I?"

I laughed and nodded. Jasper scooped me up and dashed with me in tow to the front porch. Jasper ducked under it just before sheets of rain started pelting the ground. Jasper opened the front door for me. Alice was standing just inside the entrance, waiting for us. She grabbed my hand and yanked me over the threshold, curling her arm around my waist and pulling me to her so our hips bumped.

"That was a little close, Jasper."

Jasper laughed merrily as he shut the door behind him. "I'm sorry, dear. Bella and I got talking."

Alice grabbed Jasper with her free hand and tugged him down to kiss him softly. I felt...something as his lips touched Alice's, but it was faint and difficult to place. I shrugged it off. Alice pulled away from Jasper and grinned. She still hadn't let go of me. She looked positively elated. Jasper and I didn't try to pull away from her. We let her just stand there for a while, holding us both, one in each arm. I studied her face carefully, trying to memorize the look of happiness on it. It might be awhile before I saw it again. Alice's cheeks dimpled in a wide smile and her eyes shone in that silvery, loving light of hers. Alice closed her eyes, inhaled deeply, and sighed, still smiling, basking in her moment of momentary relief.

**I would love it if you'd click that lovely little review button and tell me what you thought. :) Reviews are like homemade chocolate cake. I had some of that Friday. If I had to pick a last meal, it would be that cake. I'd eat the whole thing.**


	5. Chapter 5

**(A/N): Hello, my wonderful readers! Before I say anything else, I want to give a ginormous thank you and a big virtual hug to all of my readers! You all got me through a pretty hellish work week with your lovely reviews, so big, big thanks to all of you! I heart you guys!**

**So, this chapter's quote is on page 343 in my edition of _Eclipse_. It's about the third to last page before the end of Chapter 15. Hope that helps! I also got a lot of predictions about the direction of the story in my reviews. Sorry I can't tell you where it's going yet, but I can tell you it's probably not where you expect. And yes, I'm going to be a terrible person and just leave ya'll hanging with that little tidbit. Anyway, I think that's about it! Love you guys! Hope you enjoy Chapter 5! :)**

**Disclaimer: I own zilch. Zero. Nada. Nothin'. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. I'm just playing around with her characters and borrowing a quote from her book, as usual.**

_I groaned, and Edward, thinking it was the pain in my hand that bothered me, pulled me faster toward the house._

We crossed the threshold into the Cullens' beautiful, spacious home.

"Carlisle?" Edward called urgently, eyebrows arched in worry.

Carlisle appeared in front of us seconds later, Edward's worry reflecting in his eyes.

"What's wrong, Edward?" he questioned quietly but urgently before noticing the purple, swelling hand I cradled carefully. "Ah. I see. Looks like Bella needs an X-Ray. What happened, Bella?"

I growled under my breath. "I punched Jacob."

Carlisle's eyebrows raised and he chuckled gently.

"And what did Jacob do to deserve such treatment?" he asked jokingly, smiling.

I snorted angrily, feeling Edward's stone frame tense against me. I watched his eyebrows turn down in a scowl.

"He kissed me."

Carlisle nodded in understanding. "Without your consent."

"Yes," I scowled.

"That's not very...gentlemanly, is it?"

I rolled my eyes and gritted my teeth. "That's Jacob."

Carlisle pursed his lips slightly. Carlisle always tried his best not to speak ill of anyone, but it was clear that he was unhappy about Jacob's behavior. He thought Jacob had been uncivil. To someone like Carlisle, who showed the utmost respect to everyone he came in contact with, Jacob's lack of respect for me and my wishes was irritating. Carlisle sighed softly. "Let's get you upstairs and do a quick X-Ray, Bella. We need to see if you're going to need a cast."

I groaned. I hated casts. I had had many, many casts over the years. They weren't something you got used to. They were bulky, heavy, and made you itch like hell. You couldn't get them wet, so bathing became a nuisance. And then, of course, when people saw you in a cast, they always had to ask you what happened. A couple months of that was enough to drive a person crazy.

Carlisle gently placed his left hand on my back between my shoulder blades, guiding me upstairs to take my X-Ray. Edward walked alongside me, apprehensive. Carlisle was patient with me and let me take my time getting up the stairs. I was taking it slow, carefully making sure my hand was jostled as little as possible.

Carlisle led me into his study. His study? Was the X-Ray in here? I knew that Carlisle had one in the house. I had just never seen it.

Carlisle crossed the room and went behind an enormous bookshelf before wheeling out an equally massive, white-gray machine.

My eyes widened.

Edward chuckled. "Carlisle bought it after your first visit here, when I brought you to meet my family. I told him you were a bit accident prone. He thought it might come in handy."

I blushed, feeling my face heat up. My cheeks were scorching. Like walking out into the arid heat of Phoenix. Of course. It was just like the Cullens to spend untold amounts of money on something like this. For me.

Carlisle grinned. "And it has come in handy. Come here, Bella, let me look at your hand."

I crossed the study to where Carlisle stood pressing buttons on the massive X-Ray machine. I held out my crumpled, purple, puffy hand and Carlisle took it, carefully cradling it in his own freezing, alabaster ones.

"I'm just going to try and bend the joints a little, Bella, and press a little on the bones. You have to tell me exactly when it starts hurting."

I nodded. Carlisle began gently prodding the bones in my hand, working from finger to finger, from fingertip to where my hand met my wrist. He went down my thumb, then my index finger. He started on my middle finger. When he got to the knuckle, sharp, aching pain shot up my arm. I gasped, hissing as I inhaled through my teeth.

"Right there," I wheezed.

Carlisle nodded. "I'm going to see if I can bend it. Stop me if you feel any pain."

Carlisle took my middle finger and very, very lightly pressed down.

I tensed immediately, feeling the familiar ache. "Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow..."

Carlisle let go of my finger immediately.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he grimaced, hating that he had caused me pain, even though it was necessary for diagnosis.

I shook my head. "It's fine."

Carlisle smiled and ducked back behind the shelf the X-Ray had come from. He returned with the customary heavy, brown protective vest everybody wore for X-Rays and slipped it over my head. I felt the immense weight of it bearing down on my shoulders. Carlisle summoned me over to the machine, sitting me down in one of his leather chairs.

"Alright, just stretch your arm out right here. That's it. And, let's move these fingers right...here. Okay, just hold that. Try your best not to move."

Carlisle pressed more buttons and I heard the X-Ray make a mechanical whirring sound. I concentrated on holding my hand still. I had a history of taking bad X-Rays. I guess I was just twitchy.

As I was concentrating on sitting still, I heard a voice behind me.

"So. You punched a werewolf."

The voice was grinning. Emmett.

"Yes, Emmett," I sighed. I was trying to concentrate. Somehow, I knew that that would be impossible with Emmett in the room.

"So what happened?" he asked, amused and curious. I could imagine what he looked like. Face shining with child-like wonder atop a sinewy, muscular, bear-like frame.

I growled. Of course Emmett would want me to re-tell the story, even though I was sure he had heard me talking to Carlisle about it. I was going to have to tell it to the whole family, wasn't I?

"He kissed me."

Emmett roared with laughter. "Seriously? Did Edward maim him?"

Edward gritted his teeth. "I would have if he didn't mean something to Bella. But I won't hurt him. He's Bella's best friend."

I snorted in disagreement.

Edward chuckled. "Like I said earlier, it would bother you in the morning."

"So did you do any damage?" Emmett questioned, still smiling.

I scowled. "No."

Emmett burst out laughing a second time. "God, you must hit like a girl."

Edward hissed a bit. "Emmett," he warned.

I clenched the hand that wasn't being X-Rayed.

"Shut up Emmett," I spat through clenched teeth. "First, I _am _a girl you idiot. Second, I hit him hard enough to break my hand. He's a _werewolf_. His face is a lot harder than my fist."

Emmett meandered into view and shrugged tauntingly. "Whatever you say..."

"Enough, Emmett," Carlisle commanded quietly.

Emmett sobered up and stopped making fun of me.

"Alright Bella, you can have your hand back now," Carlisle smiled.

I took my hand and placed it gingerly in my lap, waiting for Carlisle to give me the news. After a minute or so, Carlisle produced a translucent black and clear sheet of plastic. He examined it for a minute.

"Yes, it's broken. Right on that knuckle that was hurting you. It's not too bad, though. Just a crack."

I noticed that Carlisle could read the X-Ray without light behind it. He held it up to one of the lamps in the study so I could see. He gestured to my middle knuckle.

"Right there. Little hairline fracture."

I squinted. There it was. I saw a thin thread of a black line snaking down my knuckle.

"Am I going to have to have a cast?" I asked warily.

Carlisle paused to consider my question. During his pause I felt someone creep up behind me. They squeezed my shoulder softly and began playing with my hair. I glanced behind me. Esme. She smiled warmly and sympathetically at me. I smiled back.

"I think the fracture's small enough that you should be okay without one. You can wear a brace. But you have to _promise_ me you'll wear it. If you don't wear it, you'll have to get a cast. If you take the brace off your recovery will take much, much longer." Carlisle stared me in the eye, very serious.

"I promise I'll wear the brace."

Carlisle nodded. "Alright. Let's see..."

Carlisle crossed the room to get his medical bag.

Suddenly Edward cocked his head, listening.

"Alice and Jasper are coming home," he commented. "They were hunting," he directed at me when I looked at him questioningly.

Everyone but Emmett just nodded. Emmett's expression contorted into one of anxiety and anticipation.

"Dude."

I frowned in confusion. "What?"

"Dude," Emmett repeated. "Alice is going to _freak_."

Everyone in the room paused for a minute. Carlisle frowned concernedly, Esme winced worriedly, Edward clenched his jaw, Emmett rubbed his hand to and fro across the back of his neck nervously. Everyone here was thinking the same thing. Emmett was right. Alice was going to be _livid_ . Everyone was bracing themselves for her reaction. I hoped Jacob, if he wasn't on patrol, was sleeping with one eye open tonight.

I listened to the front door creak open and shut. I heard that familiar wind-chime voice float up the stairs.

"Bella?"

Before I could call to Alice to tell her where I was, she appeared in the doorway, eyes brimming with worry. She was apprehensive, obviously wondering what I was doing here. It was getting a little late. I should've been home. Her eyes zeroed in on my injured hand before flicking up to look at the X-Ray Carlisle held in his hand. Her amber eyes narrowed.

"What happened?" she asked urgently.

"She punched a werewolf in the face," Emmett chortled, unable to help himself.

"You couldn't let me tell the story?" I snapped at Emmett. He shrugged sheepishly.

"What did he do?" Alice's silver voice was quiet but threatening.

I sighed. This was going to be bad. Almost as bad as Edward's reaction.

"He kissed me."

"He _what?_" Alice hissed. I felt the urge to back away from her. She looked _dangerous_. For the first time since I had known her, Alice looked like a _vampire_.

I blinked a few times before answering. I was trying to get over the fury etched on Alice's beautiful face.

"He kissed me. Without my permission. So I punched him. But his head is _hard_. I broke my hand." I held up the swollen limb to support my statement.

Alice snarled, the guttural noise tearing out of her. My eyes widened. Tiny little Alice could be downright terrifying if she was angry enough. And she was seething right now.

"That filthy mongrel made _advances_ on you _without your consent_!" Alice shrieked.

I was wrong. This was so much worse than Edward's reaction. I nodded dumbly.

Alice growled. The sound rumbled and shook in her chest like an earthquake. She closed her eyes tightly, eyelids wrinkling a little with effort.

"I'll kill him," Alice whispered. Everyone there knew that she was absolutely serious.

Then Alice turned to walk out of the room. My eyes widened. She was going to do it _now_.

Before I could panic I felt the tension in the room dissipating. I noticed Jasper standing in the doorway, watching Alice with worried, wary eyes, blocking her way out.

"Move, Jasper! I don't have time for this!" Alice snapped. I had never heard Alice speak to Jasper like that. It was unnerving.

Jasper shook his head. Alice growled again.

"Alice," he spoke, quietly serious, "you can't kill Jacob. First, the chances of you getting through the rest of the dogs to him without your foresight are slim to none. Second, without that foresight your chances in a fight aren't good, even one on one."

Alice glared back at him, belligerent.

"And third? Think of what that would do to Bella. She loves you both so much. And if you go to LaPush now, losing one of you is an absolute certainty. Losing both of you is uncomfortably likely."

I flinched at Jasper's words. Jacob. Alice. Fighting. _Dying. _Losing one of them was too much for me to even consider. But _both?_ I felt an overwhelming, drowning ache well up in me similar to the one that had consumed me during Edward's absence.

Jasper reached out and placed a hand on Alice's cheek.

"Do you feel that?"

Alice gasped, grimacing. Her eyes misted over. She nodded.

"It's what she feels, Alice."

Alice turned her foggy gaze towards me. Her lips relaxed from the thin, regimented line they had been pressed into so that they were relaxed and slightly open. Her shoulders slumped. As her eyes bored into mine, I saw her resolve melt away.

"You can't go to LaPush."

Alice nodded. She hadn't looked away. She didn't protest. She just walked towards where I sat. She knelt down, looking up into my eyes.

"I'm sorry I blew up, Bella. I should've thought. I should've known that hurting Jacob would've made _me_ feel better, but it wouldn't be the best thing for _you_. If I hurt him, I hurt you. And that's not acceptable. I should've handled this better. I'm sorry."

Alice's features adopted a familiarly heartbreaking, guilty expression. I shook my head, scrambling to erase it from her face.

"It's okay. I was pretty pissed, too. You can ask Edward."

Alice turned toward Edward, eyebrow raised. Edward nodded.

"She wasn't protesting my desire to break Jacob's jaw earlier."

Alice laughed. The sound shimmered and the tension in the room deflated. Tense, guarded expressions dissolved into smiles.

"Whew," Emmett sighed, shaking his curly head. "Glad that's over. I told you she'd overreact, didn't I, Bella?"

That did it. Tension flared back up again as Alice whipped around, standing up and baring her teeth at her brother.

"Overreact? I think I have good reason to be angry, Emmett!"

Emmett put his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, sorry! I just mean that...well, you were worse than Edward. Which is sorta bad."

"Of course I'm reacting worse than Edward! Think about it, Emmett!"

Emmett stood, sheepish for a minute, thinking. I was thinking too. Why _would_ Alice's reaction be worse than Edward's?

"I'm in the same situation as Jacob."

Emmett nodded in both understanding and questioning.

"And I behave. I have restraint. And that filthy _dog_ thinks he's special? That he doesn't have to respect her wishes and boundaries? That he doesn't have to ask for her consent to kiss her? That he can touch my Bella..." Alice stopped dead, eyes widening when she realized she'd used a possessive in front of my name.

I saw Edward bristle a little beside me. Emmett looked like he was trying not to laugh, naturally. Carlisle seemed unsure whether to send some of us out of the room to break it up. Esme and Jasper looked worried. And I, inexplicably...smiled. I couldn't help it. I could think of no explanation for it, no reason behind it. I just couldn't help but smile.

Alice looked confused, but her shoulders sagged in relief at my smile. She grinned back a little ashamedly.

"Sorry."

I shrugged, still smiling.

"Why would I have reason to be mad at you? You're not the one who kissed me without my permission, are you?"

Alice just smiled and knelt back down, gently lifting my injured hand from my lap. She pillowed my purple hand in her delicate porcelain one, grimacing. She took her tiny thumb and traced it, whisper-soft down my middle finger, all the way to my wrist and back up. I smiled wider. It was as if I couldn't not smile with Alice around. She was

hypnotic. I sat there and stared at her swirling amber eyes while she made the circuit seven or eight times. Carlisle broke Alice's spell.

"Here we go, Bella. Let's try and fit this brace on you."

I nodded, but I was still focused on Alice. Even though I wasn't quite hypnotized anymore, it was a little difficult to shift my focus.

I turned slightly to give Carlisle access to my hand. He gently took the black brace and slid it slowly over my hand. I winced a little as it passed over my knuckle. I knew the brace had to be a little tight to be effective, but it didn't stop it from hurting.

"You must've punched him pretty hard," Alice smiled softly.

"As hard as I could," I sighed. "It wasn't hard enough."

"No, I'm proud of you," she grinned. "It doesn't matter that you didn't hurt him. It matters that you tried."

The latter part of Alice's statement bubbled over in giggling.

"That's one of the many reasons why I love you, Bella. When you're angry, you're pretty fearless," Alice sighed through her final bouts of laughter.

"I'm not fearless," I whispered, thinking of the countless things I was worried and scared about.

Alice shook her head, "You're about as fearless as it gets, Bella. I'm not saying you don't worry. I'm saying that you don't usually let it get to you. If you're really unhappy about something, you do whatever you can to fix it. I wish I had your tenacity."

I shook my head. "Yeah, well my 'tenacity' got me a broken hand, so..." I trailed off, watching Carlisle place the brace on my hand and thinking. I really was angry at Jacob. I knew he loved me, so I expected a little awkwardness and a small conflict of interest. But I had thought he'd at least show me some common decency. I was really more affronted than I let on. I had expected more respect from him than I had been shown.

I felt Carlisle tug slowly at the the velcro straps on my brace. I jumped a little and winced.

"Sorry," he murmured.

"No, no it's fine."

In the few moments I had been talking to Alice, I had forgotten that the rest of the family was present. Hypnotized again. Suddenly something occurred to me. I had never heard Alice talk about her feelings for me in front of anyone besides Edward and Jasper. I had never heard any of the other family members mention it either. I looked around at the faces of the rest of the family. No one looked uneasy or uncomfortable. Everyone, including Rosalie, who had ghosted into the room to stand with Emmett without my noticing, looked almost completely unfazed. It was nice. It had felt much like a conspiracy before this. This openness was a relief. The only abnormal expression I noticed coming from them was worry. They were all eyeing Alice with the same concerned, distressed expression. Alice didn't notice. She was slowly and gently stroking the fingers that curled out of my brace, running her index and thumb up and down each of my fingers as Carlisle continued adjusting the velcro straps. I closed my eyes. It felt nice. I heard Alice sigh a laugh with a small, breathy, amused 'hmm' as I closed my eyes. I smiled back, eyes still calmly shut. I felt some of the tension and anger that was roiling around in me dissipate. Alice, apparently, noticed the change.

"Are you okay?"

I sighed. "I'm a little better now. But no, not really."

"I'm sorry," Alice whispered. Her voice was even more beautiful with my eyes closed. I could focus fully on it this way. "Does Jacob even realize the power he has over you? Does he understand how idiocy like this tears you up? Does he know how he hurts you sometimes?"

I inhaled deeply, listening to the silver, flute-like timbre of Alice's voice as it faded into silence.

"I think he realizes it after the fact. Jacob doesn't think before he acts. He just does things. And then analyzes afterwards. And he always feels bad about things after he's realized that he's hurt my feelings. But it'd be nice, for once, for him to just _think_ for a minute."

I opened my eyes to see Alice nodding at me.

"It makes me appreciate you a lot more, Alice," I spoke, thinking about it. Alice was always so careful. She always had my best interest in mind, even if it conflicted with her own. She always took my opinion into account. She was...amazing, when I thought about it.

"I was thinking along the same lines," Edward spoke quietly. Alice turned to him with wide, shimmering eyes, beaming.

"Really?" She squeaked.

Edward nodded.

"If I'm ever angry at you again, Alice, all you have to do is remind me of Jacob. That should put things in perspective," he joked bitterly.

Alice looked like she could cry.

"Plus, _Alice_ knows if she kissed Bella she'd get punched in the face," Emmett joked.

Alice shook her head. "No. It's a nonissue. I'd never do that. I'd never kiss Bella because I would never push Bella beyond what's comfortable for her. Ever. However, Emmett, if your hypothetical case became true, I'd try to dodge it, just to save Bella another injury." Alice glanced meaningfully at the hand that was now encased in the brace.

Punch Alice? Something about that seemed wrong. It seemed...barbaric to me. There was no other way to describe it. I imagined taking a swing at her flawless, fragile-looking face and shuddered. Even though I knew that punching her would do me immense damage and that it wouldn't touch her, I still couldn't conceive of even attempting to cause harm to tiny Alice. She looked so _breakable._

I shook my head at Emmett. "I wouldn't punch Alice."

Everyone in the room stilled and looked at me confusedly. The stares were making me a bit uneasy.

"What?"

Emmett stared at me for a minute before speaking slowly. "But you punched Jacob."

I nodded. "Of course."

Emmett spoke again. "But you wouldn't punch Alice? In the same situation?"

I found Emmett's question annoying. Did Emmett _want_ me to deck her or something?

"No. No, I wouldn't."

"Why?"

"Jeez, Emmett," I huffed in exasperation. "Do you _want_ me to hit her?" I asked, verbalizing my previous thought.

"No."

"Well, I don't know why not. She's...I don't know. She's just so _little_. It'd feel weird."

Alice started giggling uncontrollably.

"Bella," she bubbled, "you realize that punching me would _destroy_ your hand. My being 'little' wouldn't matter."

"I know," I defended. "Still. I wouldn't."

The whole family stared at me with the strangest expression. Speculative, almost. I couldn't imagine why. What in the world were they thinking?

Alice, whose fingers had stilled on my hand, spoke.

"I appreciate the thought, Bella. Very much. But you won't ever have to worry about it. It's a nonissue. I'd never put you in that position. You know that."

I nodded. "I know."

I looked back down at Alice. Her expression took me a little aback. It wasn't one I had seen on her in awhile. Lately she had looked depressed and very, very guilty. Almost all of the time. I studied her gently gleaming eyes, trying to decipher the emotion that swirled in them. It was a happier emotion. Hope? That's what it was. I frowned. I had pinpointed the emotion, but I couldn't figure out _why_ it was there. I was generally confused today. Confused by the common stare my family was giving me. Confused by Alice's hopefulness. Just very, very confused.

I sighed, exhausted, looking down at my brace. I hadn't noticed that Carlisle was done adjusting it. He was hovering nearby, watching me, trying to make sure it was adjusted correctly. When I looked up at him, he took that opportunity to speak.

"Is that too tight, Bella? Move it a little. See if that feels alright."

I flexed my hand as much as I could. It was as perfect as an arm brace could be. Of course.

"It feels fine. Thank you."

Carlisle nodded, "Of course. You don't have to thank me, Bella. I consider you one of my daughters. It's my job to make sure you're looked after."

I blushed, but smiled at him anyway. I wasn't sure I'd ever get used to the way the Cullens treated me. Like I was something special. I had no clue what gave them that idea. I'd never understand it.

"And," Carlisle produced a small orange bottle with a white cap, "I'm giving you a little something for the pain. It's nothing too strong," he added, acknowledging my aversion to strong medication. "But it'll work. Tylenol isn't going to be functional for an injury of this magnitude."

I nodded reluctantly, took the little orange bottle, and pocketed it. I didn't like the idea of pain medication. But my hand really did hurt pretty badly.

"Take one every twelve hours," Carlisle smiled softly, probably a little relieved that I hadn't refused the medication. "You may be able to drive, but have Edward drive you just in case."

I nodded, yawning. I was exhausted. Edward picked up on it immediately.

"I think it's time we head home, Bella. You've had a long day."

I nodded again. I wanted to go home and sleep. Sleep on everything that had happened today. That is, I would sleep if I could get my brain to stop working for a bit. Memories of today kept running across the back of my eyelids. Confused thoughts analyzing today's events kept circling in my head over and over, making me dizzy. I sighed. It might take some of this medication to wind me down.

Edward helped me up and I said goodbye to everyone. Carlisle did one last brace-check and gave me a warm, one-armed hug. Esme threw her arms around me and told me to feel better, to make sure I took my medication, and to make sure I didn't take that brace off before I was supposed to. Emmett picked me up and spun me around twice, putting me back down and high-fiving me on my good hand for punching a werewolf. Jasper nodded and smiled. Rosalie nodded. No smile, but at least it was an acknowledgement. Alice fluidly stood up from the floor and gently lifted my bad hand. She didn't say anything. She just softly pressed the back of my hand to her cheek. She turned her head slightly towards my hand, as if considering something, but then turned back. The family followed Edward and me and waved as we stepped out onto the front porch, heading for the Volvo.

Edward walked me across the lawn, one arm around my waist, the other softly shielding my injured hand. He opened the passenger side door for me. He refrained from picking me up and placing me in my seat, but he did buckle my seatbelt for me. A split second later, Edward was in the driver's seat, door closed, seatbelt also buckled. The car purred to life and we began pulling out of the Cullens' long, winding driveway. I turned around. All of the Cullens had gone back inside. Save Alice. Faithful, loving Alice. She just stood there, watching with the same wistful, hopeful look she had worn in Carlisle's study. My eyes locked with her golden ones. I stayed turned around, watching her as well. Right before the car turned out of sight of the front porch, Alice smiled very softly and moved her hand in a slight wave. I smiled back. Then the Volvo took a curve in the driveway and Alice disappeared from view. I didn't turn back around. As the silver Volvo wound through the woods, I oriented myself so that I knew I was facing the Cullens' front porch. _I_ couldn't see Alice. But _her_ vision was much better than mine. I continued long after we had pulled out on the highway, wondering if Alice was still watching. Hoping she could still see me.

**I'll do a happy dance around my workplace if you click that little review button down there. I'll do the dance every time I get a review. I swear. Because reviews are like cute little fuzzy kittens! :) And that might be the most bizarre closing note I've ever done.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello readers! I'd like to give a big thank you and one of the aforementioned fuzzy kittens to all of my reviewers! If you're allergic to cats, we'll work something out. I'd also like to thank my reviewers for the many weird looks I got at work this week. I'm sorry I don't have a recording of the dance. Why? Because I work at an attraction for a large company and there's no way they'd let me bring a camera in there. But I can tell you that dancing is allowed (sometimes even encouraged) at my workplace and that I danced a lot this week! Big thanks again to all of you!**

**This chapter's quote is on page 433 in my edition of _Eclipse_. It's on the last page of chapter 19. That's all for now! Enjoy chapter 6! :D**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Stephenie Meyer does. :(**

Jacob barked another laugh.

_ I settled deeper into his warm fur, resting my head against his neck._

_ It was strange. Even though he was in this bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be-the easy, effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out- than the last few times I'd been with Jacob while he was human. Odd that I should find that again here, when I'd thought this wolf thing was the cause of its loss._

_ The killing games continued in the clearing, and I stared at the hazy moon._

I sighed, looking back down to watch the Cullens' fight training. Esme and Jasper were squaring off right now.

Esme. I blanched. Warm, loving Esme. I hated this. Knowing they were going to fight was bad. Watching them _practice_ was hideous. I shuddered. Jacob's ears rolled around, perking up as he looked at me concernedly. He was asking me what was wrong.

"I just don't like watching them fight. It really, really scares me. I don't want any of them to get hurt. It'd be my fault. I can't lose them, Jake. _Any_ of them." I looked down at the ground, examining the grass underneath me. I heard the Jacob-wolf snort.

Jacob rolled his black-brown wolf eyes and shook his enormous head. All as if to say, 'Stop worrying. Everything will be fine, okay? And stop blaming yourself all the time. It's annoying.'

I pursed my lips, but didn't comment on his expression. Jacob put his head on his paws and sighed. The sound rumbled in his chest.

I continued watching, even though it made me sick to do so. I couldn't look away. I kept studying each of their faces, trying to memorize them. Just in case I lost them tomorrow.

Esme's soft eyes and warm, loving smile. Her lovely, caramel brown hair. Emmett, with his wide, dimpled grin, playful, mischievous eyes and dark curls. Disapproving, but nonetheless stunning Rosalie whose hair fell in thick, golden ropes down her back. Understanding, stoic Jasper. His honey-blond hair, battle scars, and empathetic eyes. Carlisle's white-blonde hair, gentle, kind smile, and soft, compassionate eyes. I stopped breathing when my eyes moved left of Carlisle. Messy bronze hair. Perfect features. Fiercely loving. Loyal. Intelligent. Eloquent. Kind. Beautiful crooked smile. Just...perfect. I couldn't even think the name. I looked back at the ground, choking back tears. I wondered what my reaction would've been like if he were going to fight tomorrow. I was making him stay with me and my reaction was that violent. I didn't want to know what would've happened otherwise.

Wait. I looked around. Where was...? Ah, there she was. Alice was sitting apart from the rest of the group. She was curled up on a boulder, chin on her knees, staring up at the moon. The foggy, alabaster light gleamed in her eyes. Optimistic, faithful, loving, sad little Alice. Her silver voice and lit-up amber eyes. I took a moment to memorize her face, too. Why was I trying? My memory wouldn't do any of them justice.

I sniffed, still looking at Alice. Both she and Jacob turned to look at me. Both worried, both curious. My eyes met Alice's amber ones from across the field. I barely noticed Jacob look behind him to see what I was staring at. Then I heard him snort again in disapproval. I didn't pay attention. I was still looking at Alice, now memorizing those remarkable eyes. She didn't break our gaze, but rose off of her boulder, dancing towards Jacob and me. I could see the hackles on Jacob's neck rise.

"Be nice. She's not doing anything to you," I admonished, pinching one of his furry ears. He emitted a defeated, grumbling growl and put his head back on his paws.

Alice crossed behind Jacob, giving him a very wide berth, before fluidly coming to sit cross-legged beside me.

"Are you alright?" She asked worriedly.

I shook my head. "No. Not at all." my voice broke at the end of my statement.

Alice moved forward as if to embrace me, but doubled back, wary. I rolled my eyes through my unshed tears and nestled against her, burrowing my head in her tiny shoulder. She wrapped her brittle-looking arms around my shoulders.

"What's worrying you this time?" she asked gently.

"You. All of you. What if someone doesn't come back, Alice? Everyone keeps telling me that everything is fine, but I don't believe it. Jasper even said that the probability of losing someone was high." I sniffed, trying to keep myself from breaking down completely.

Alice didn't say anything. She just put her hand tentatively on my head before running her fingers gently through my hair. I closed my eyes at the contact and broke down, sobbing. Alice just kept brushing my hair with her fingers. She didn't say anything. She just let me cry it out, occasionally whispering an almost inaudible 'shh.' I felt her rocking me infinitesimally back and forth. After about ten minutes my sobbing calmed, reduced to a few irregular hiccups and some sniffles. I kept my eyes closed, trying to breathe evenly, letting the gentle, almost imperceptible sway of Alice's rocking calm me. My hiccups finally stopped and I heaved a sigh of relief.

"Better?" Alice murmured. I nodded against her shoulder before resurfacing, looking up at her.

"I think I needed that," I breathed.

Alice nodded again, "You needed to let that out. Your whole affect has changed, Bella. That was weighing you down."

I nodded again. "I feel a little better. I'm still worried to death, though."

"I know you are. I really think we're going to be okay, now that the do-...wolves are on our side. Try not to worry too much," Alice said, concern and pain flooding her eyes. "It's making you sick."

"I'm trying," I sighed. I stared at the damp grass. Its color was almost leeched in the moonlight.

"Alice?"

"Yes?"

I pulled her tighter against me.

"You'll be okay, right? You'll come back?" I asked, desperate. My hands, now curled around her waist, clenched around fistfuls of her shirt as if it would keep her here with me. As if it would keep her safe.

Alice smiled. "Yes, Bella. I'm in better shape than most, remember? I have an unfair advantage." She tapped her temple smugly.

I sighed. "Yeah, you're right. Just promise me you'll come back." My hands tightened further. I felt my injured hand strain against the brace with the pressure. Alice reached back and dislodged my hand, bringing it in front of her and stroking it where the pressure of the brace had left a red line. She pried my other hand away and held it, pillowing it in her free hand.

"I promise. I promise you I'll come back. I'll be fine."

I nodded and looked over at Jacob. He was staring at us, eyes narrowed suspiciously. Alice looked over.

"May I help you?" she asked coolly. Her eyes flicked down to my broken hand, threatening. She was still murderous over the kissing incident.

Jacob's lips curled over his teeth as he growled lowly and threateningly.

"Guys..." I spoke uneasily.

"No, Bella, I'm feeling the same way Jacob is right now. I'm a little miffed, too."

She continued, addressing Jacob, "You know, I don't think you appreciate how much effort it takes for us to trust you with Bella." Jacob cocked his head curiously and angrily at the 'us.'

"And for you to return her _damaged?"_ Alice lifted my braced hand a bit, pointing out the damaged appendage. "That irritates me, Jacob. It _really_ irritates me."

My eyes widened as I listened to Alice. Her quiet, matter-of-fact approach made the threat sound that much more dangerous.

Jacob bared his teeth further, rising from the ground into a crouch, fur standing up on the back of his neck. He eyed Alice petulantly, obviously thinking that Alice did not have a full understanding of his situation.

"There are others in your situation who know how to behave, Jacob," she sneered.

Jake's eyes narrowed further, reducing to slits. The suspicion and anger in them were overwhelming.

Alice opened her mouth to speak again. Somehow, I thought I knew what she was going to say. And I knew that that would end up causing a nasty fight.

"Knock it off, guys!" I warned. "Alice," I murmured, "let me break it to him. It'll be easier on everyone."

Alice stared at me, considering this. Then she nodded grudgingly. "Alright. Are you okay here by yourself?" she asked, mostly directing the question towards Jacob. I nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just give us some space. This is not going to be pretty."

Alice nodded once more before very gently disentangling herself from me and dancing back to her boulder.

Once she was gone, Jacob's growls slowed. He flopped back on the ground, with a disgruntled look that clearly read, 'Okay, spill.'

I ran a hand through my hair uneasily.

"Well, obviously Alice is a little...irked by you right now. She feels like you should be acting differently in your current situation."

Jacob growled. His expression very obviously said, 'Alice doesn't know what she's talking about.'

Jacob was oddly easy to communicate with even as a wolf. I guess our friendship was really that strong. I knew exactly what he was telling me and what he meant even without the luxury of speech. It was the strangest thing. I shook my head, remembering the subject at hand.

"Alice knows what she's talking about more than you'd think," I whispered.

Jacob cocked his head at me, confused. He looked back and forth between Alice and me a few times. When he settled on me again, he cocked his head further. I fought the urge to laugh. He looked so funny. I swallowed my laughter. Jacob was still confused. I sighed. Of course I'd have to spell it out for him. Jacob didn't always have strong inferential skills. Sometimes he was uncannily insightful. And sometimes, like now, he was a tad dense.

I bit my lip hard, easing off when I was afraid I'd draw blood. How did I say this? I shook my head. I'd just have to say it. There was no other way. I couldn't lead Jacob on a guessing game. He wasn't getting it. I'd just have to tell him plainly.

"Alice's situation is almost identical to yours, Jake. She feels about me the same way you do."

Jacob froze and stared. I braced myself for his reaction, hoping a fight wouldn't break out. Jacob leaned forward towards me, incredulous, as if to say, 'Wait, what?'

"She feels the same way about me that you do, Jake," I reiterated. "She's in love with me. Just like you."

Jacob just stared blankly at me for a moment, letting it sink in. Then, abruptly, he leaped up and wheeled around, snarling deafeningly in Alice's direction.

"Jake, stop! Stop it, Jacob!" I cried, jumping up with him, yanking on his ears. I had to grab onto him in case he decided to lunge at Alice. Not that I could stop him if he really wanted to hurt her. But I had to try.

Jacob didn't even feel it. He kept snarling. The sound ripped through the clearing. Alice didn't retaliate. She was angry, yes. I could see it spark in her eyes. But the spark was dimmed by mist. She looked back at Jacob in livid, miserable, guilty, fellowship. The rumbling in Jacob's chest gradually slowed to a stop as his expression grew to mirror hers. They stared at each other for awhile. Hating each other. Hating that they were connected. But at the same time they were recognizing that connection. Recognizing that shared feeling of misery and sorrow and overwhelming, drowning love. I could feel each individual emotion crackle in the air.

Then Alice turned slightly to look at me. The anger in her eyes melted. I watched Jacob's reaction. Something strange happened. His eyes softened too. He wasn't even looking at me. But he knew that Alice was. He knew exactly what she was seeing as she looked at me. Knew exactly what she felt. And he couldn't help but feel it too. He stared at her for another moment before turning back around and flopping back down beside me.

He couldn't object to her loving me. It made too much sense to him.

He turned to look at me. He wanted me to talk. He wanted to know all that had happened. How it had all started, how I figured it out. Everything.

I sighed. "Well, I found out a couple weeks ago. The weekend that you got me from school? When I told you when I'd become..."

Jacob nodded shortly. He didn't want to be reminded of my fast approaching transformation into a vampire.

"That night I had a nightmare. It was about what you had said."

Jacob whined an apology, ears flat against his skull.

"It's okay. But it woke me up and when I woke up Alice was there on the couch with me. She thought the reason I hadn't slept well the night before was because Edward wasn't there with me. She thought that having a vampire with me would help, even if it wasn't Edward."

Jacob didn't look happy about my having vampires in such close proximity to me as I slept, but he nodded, indicating that I should continue.

"So I told her about everything you had said that day. And when I started talking about how you told me you were in love with me, she started looking funny. She looked so _sad_, Jacob. So I wanted to know why. I wanted to know what was going on. I...well, I bullied it out of her, really."

Jacob barked a laugh. His expression said 'typical.'

"It's not funny, Jake. At all. I don't think I've ever seen someone look so heartbroken. Or so guilty. She was miserable. She wouldn't even look at me for a good hour after she told me. She thought I'd hate her for it. I still don't think she's entirely sure that I'm alright with things."

Jacob raised his wolf-brows. 'Well, are you alright with things?' he mimed.

"Of course I am. I love Alice. It may not be in the way she wants, but I love her _so much_, Jake. She's like my sister. I'd be lost without her. And as a sister, I love her unconditionally. No matter how she feels about me. I won't let that split us up. I love her too much to let something like that to ruin our relationship."

Jacob stared at me for a moment. I couldn't read the expression. He just looked at me oddly. After a moment he nodded, asking me to continue.

"Well, Edward found out the next day."

Jacob cringed. Even though he hated Alice, he knew what Edward's reaction must've been like. He knew that Edward had treated her horribly.

I nodded. "Yeah. It was really bad. He was so mean about it, Jake. And I understand why he was. I understand why he was upset. But he almost broke her. I can't even describe it. She was already miserable. And he was cruel to her. He hurt her so badly. I can't think of a word bad enough to describe her condition after that. Just fragile. So very fragile."

Jacob nodded, asking me if there was more.

"I found out from Jasper that this has been going on since before Alice even met me. She just didn't recognize it for what it was until later. But Jasper said that Alice was the first Cullen to say she loved me. Not Edward. She's loved me since she knew I existed. And it's just been eating at her for that long. She didn't even know it was eating at her. It's been that way for a year and a half."

Jacob looked back at Alice. She was still staring at the moon. Still trying so hard to put on a brave face. Everyone could see through it. As I had told Jacob, Alice was so breakable. You could see the fragility in her eyes. The moonlight shone so that her eyes gleamed like orbs of amber of glass. Glass that had a tiny fissure in it. A tiny crack that, if pressured, would splinter and spiderweb until the glass shattered completely.

I looked at Jacob...and I saw it. A microscopic touch of empathy in his eyes. Even Jacob, who hated Alice, couldn't look at her anymore without feeling just a little tiny bit of her sadness. It was impossible not to. It was all she was anymore.

I felt tears well up in my eyes again. Jacob whined concernedly, asking what was wrong.

"Look at her, Jacob. She's going downhill so fast. I'm just waiting for the day when she finally breaks. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix it. No one does. We all see it, and we can't do a thing about it. We can't do anything but watch her crumble. Watch her die."

Jacob examined the grass. I looked over at him. The look in his eyes was hardly different than the one in Alice's.

"She's going to die, Jake. Not physically, of course. But, eventually, emotionally, she's going to break. I don't know what that'll mean for her, and Jasper, and the rest of us. But I can see it happening. Eventually it'll be too much. She'll just get bled dry of emotion completely. Emotionally dead."

Jacob continued to look at the ground. Then I realized _why_ he was staring at the ground, eyes downcast, head bent over. He felt that he was heading the same place Alice was. His sorrow wasn't as noticeable as hers. He was better at covering it up with jokes and attitude. But as I looked at him, I saw a small fissure in his eyes, just like the one in Alice's. Eventually it would also splinter and spiderweb. He would break, too.

I hated myself for this. But what was I supposed to do? I didn't ask for them to fall in love with me. And now I had to watch them both collapse. Shatter. I had to watch them die knowing I was the cause of it.

My tears spilled over. I wasn't sobbing like I had been earlier. This was different. It was an agonizing, grudging acceptance of inevitability. My tears coursed down my cheeks in silent streaks that gleamed in the moonlight. I was crying all the time lately. I was just tired of hurting people. But I didn't know how to avoid it. I just kept hurting them. I hurt Jacob and Alice just by being around them. But I'd hurt them worse if I tried to distance myself from them. I couldn't win. I just had to watch myself ruin their lives.

I heard Jake whine at my elbow. He nudged it with his cold, wet nose.

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I sniffed bitterly. My voice sounded thick and nasal. Jacob didn't buy it. He put a paw on my knee and looked me in the eye, whining again. I looped my arms around his massive russet neck and buried my face in his warm fur. I didn't break down this time. I kept myself together. But I wanted to be close to Jake. He was my best friend, and he was hurting. And even though I was the one causing it, I couldn't stop myself from trying to make it better.

But was that really going to make him feel better? I paused to think about it. No. Was that why I was doing this? I thought about that, too. No. That wasn't why. The truth was, hugging him, keeping him close kept _me_ together-kept the guilt from eating me alive. I clutched him, wishing he would let this go so hecould be whole, and knowing he wouldn't. I sat there, trying to memorize him, too-memorize him before he broke. Before my Jacob left forever.

Suddenly I felt a tiny, frosty hand settle on my shoulder. I clutched Jacob tighter. I didn't want to look at her. I couldn't handle seeing them both in close proximity, knowing what I was doing to them. It would be too much. Too overwhelming.

"Bella, look at me."

I didn't look up. I pressed my face harder into Jacob's fur. It smelled like earth and rain and pine.

"Bella, please look at me." The voice was closer this time. I felt her cool breath on my ear. Felt her tiny, nimble fingers brush my hair back behind my ear, away from my face. I felt myself loosening my grip on Jacob. I didn't want to. But, somehow, I couldn't deny her her request. Hypnotized again. That happened a lot with her. I didn't know why. I didn't care.

I turned to look at Alice. Her eyes were flooded with pain and worry.

"Bella, you have _got_ to cut yourself a little slack. You blame yourself for too much. It's tearing you apart. Do you think I want that? That Jacob wants that? We love you, Bella. We just want you to be happy. Beating yourself up over us is not what we want. Right?" Alice asked Jacob.

Jacob nuzzled me again with his nose, nodding. Of course Alice would know exactly why I was crying. It was almost as if she could read my mind. I had thought that I was hard to read. Edward said I was. But Alice and Jacob saw through me so easily it was ridiculous. I guess Edward was just too used to reading minds that he had forgotten how to read emotion and expression. He didn't have that kind of sixth sense that Alice and Jacob seemed to have.

I shook my head hard, trying to clear it. Having them comfort me made me feel worse. Seeing the love and worry in their eyes. Seeing them torn up over me. I wished more than anything that they would let me go. Because I couldn't be what they wanted me to be and I wished, oh I wished that I could. I wished I could fix that little fissure, wished I could make the mist disappear.

"I'm just tired of hurting you. I know I do. And I don't know how to fix it and I wish I could..." I babbled, voice rising into hysterics the longer I spoke.

"Bella," Alice tried to cut in. Jacob pawed my knee, trying to hush me.

"...and I don't know what to do. I love you both and I hate myself for making you miserable. It's all my fault. And don't you dare try to tell me it isn't, Alice..."

"_Bella!" _

Alice raised her voice and put an index finger over my lips. The gesture more than the raised tone of voice stunned me into silence. Alice was usually scared of making any physical contact where I was concerned. This gesture seemed more intimate than what was customary for her. Not that I really cared. She wasn't being inappropriate. Poor Alice was just trying to get me to shut up.

Alice sighed exasperatedly. "Bella, please let me say something. Without interruptions."

Alice waited for me to respond.

"Okay," I squeaked against her finger. I liked feeling the contrast of her cold skin against my warm, albeit chapped, lips.

Alice removed her dainty finger. I looked at the way the moonlight hit her. It looked almost exactly like it had the night she told me she loved me. The moon was behind her, and the foggy light made a similar outline. It filtered through her hair again, creating that same feathered halo. Her eyelashes cast the same curved, oblique shadows. She looked so much different now, even after two weeks. She looked worn. Emotionally exhausted. But still beautiful. Somehow, she looked more beautiful now than she had two weeks ago. As sad and worn looking as she was, she looked stunning. How did she do that? I shook my head lightly, trying to focus.

"Listen to me carefully, Bella," Alice spoke. "I. Do. Not. Blame. You. For. This. Any of it. I know you feel like it's your fault. If it's anyone's fault, it's mine. But I don't really think anyone is responsible. It's just a bad situation and we have to make the best we can of it. Your beating yourself up over it doesn't help. All it does is make you feel worse. It makes me feel guilty as sin, too. That you're agonizing over me when you didn't ask for this. You didn't want this. Jacob and I are your friends. It's natural that you want to spend time with us. You don't have to try and distance yourself for our sakes. You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to talk to us, for seeking out and enjoying our company." Alice glanced at Jacob to make sure that she was speaking the truth for him, too. He nodded shortly. "We love you enough to be what you need us to be."

I sighed. I wasn't sure that that was true in Jacob's case. After all, he was the one who kept insisting that I was in love with him. He was the one who wouldn't let things go. He was the one who had kissed me without my permission. But I believed wholeheartedly that that was true for Alice. She had made it clear from the very beginning that she would always respect my boundaries and my wishes. She would truly be what I needed. I needed her to be my friend. My sister. And she was doing just that. She was the most caring, attentive, insightful, sweetest, most nurturing sister anyone could hope for. I just wished she was as happy with that as I was.

I whispered a lame, "Okay."

I should've thanked her for being so careful and patient and good. But it took all I had to mutter that 'okay.' I was still too distressed to say anything else.

Alice nodded and extended her arms, offering a hug. And it was just that. I knew it was an offer. I could decline if I wanted. I threw myself into her willowy, fragile looking arms, my own arms latched around her shoulders. She giggled at the force of my landing. She snaked her arms around my waist. Then I leaned to my right, propping myself against Jacob. Alice looked warily at him, wondering how he felt about having her that close to him. Worrying about having her arm, the arm that was around my waist, touching him.

Jacob stared warily at her for a moment before relaxing and placing his enormous head in my lap. Alice grinned. Her flawless, pearly teeth glinted in the moonlight. I sighed happily, sandwiched between the cold, hard, petite frame of my sister and the warm, massive wolf that was my best friend. I idly played with Jacob's whiskers. He closed his eyes and sighed. The force of his breath blew dirt across the grass. I laughed. His lips crooked up in a wolfy grin.

Alice snuggled into the crook of my neck. Her spiky hair tickled me. I grinned.

"Why aren't you participating, Alice?" I asked, nodding towards the circle where Emmett was trying frantically to capture Jasper.

"They won't let me," she pouted. "Jasper says it's pointless. I don't need help."

I nodded. "He's kind of right, Alice. Training you would be a waste of time."

Alice nodded, hair brushing against my collar bone. "Yeah. So I get to miss out on the fun."

I rolled my eyes. 'Fun.' Right.

Alice shrugged against me. "Whatever. I'm happy right now. So it's fine."

I smiled and pressed my cheek to the top of her head and inhaled. She smelled like oranges and orchid and honey.

I sat idly talking with Alice and Jacob. I loved that they weren't fighting with each other. It was nice being able to have them both there, keeping me company, taking my mind off of troubling and saddening things. We talked until my words were indistinguishable between yawns. I drifted to sleep, smiling, propped between Jacob and Alice, both of their temperatures and scents and voices swirling around me.

I woke up some time later, smelling a third scent, hearing a third voice.

"Bella, it's time to go home."

I smiled so wide I thought my face would split in two.

"Edward," I slurred through sleep.

"Hello, love."

"Hi."

Edward slipped his arms under mine, trying to lift me into his arms.

"Bella we have to leave," Edward smiled.

"Okay," I murmured, wondering what the problem was.

Edward chuckled, "Bella, you have to let go of Jacob and Alice."

I frowned before gaining enough consciousness to realize that I had one hand in a vice-like grip around Alice's freezing, dainty hand, and another tangled in Jacob's shaggy, warm fur.

I frowned further. "No. I like this."

Edward sighed amusedly. "Bella..."

"No. You're all here now. This is good. I want to stay here like this."

I was enjoying lying here between Alice, Jacob, and Edward. I inhaled deeply, smelling rain and oranges and sun and earth and lilac and orchid and pine and honey. It was wonderful. I wanted to stay here forever.

The last thing I heard before I drifted off again was laughter. A rough, amused bark, a quiet, velvet chuckle, and tinkling, silver wind-chimes.

**Please click that little button right there and tell me what you thought! Pleeaasseee? Reviews are like new toys! (I just saw Toy Story 3. It's awesome. Go see it.)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello readers! First things first, I'd like to give a big, big thank you and a shiny black Audi to all my lovely readers. (Those are my favorite cars. :) ) There's nothing like waking up and finding a bunch of reviews on here. Makes 5:30 am much more bearable, haha. So thanks bunches and bunches! You rock my socks off.**

** This chapter's quote is on page 481 in my edition of **_**Eclipse.**_** It's when Jacob's walking Bella through the woods, right before the tent scene. It's in the last few pages of Chapter 21. **

** Also, I know some of you all have questions about the direction of this story. Some are even worried that there's going to be zero Alice/Bella in here at all. I can't tell you where I'm going with it because it'd ruin the story. But I can tell you that the main pairing in the story is absolutely Alice/Bella. I wouldn't have posted this on the community if it wasn't, so don't worry. :) I also know you guys are getting anxious about the Alice/Bella part of this story. You've all been very patient. :) So that's why something's going to happen very soon. It's not in this chapter, so don't get too excited. But you're gonna see some Alice/Bella action **_**very**_** soon. ;) *cough*nextchapter?*cough***

** I think that's about it! Sorry for the long note. Thanks for reading, everyone, and enjoy Chapter 7!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own crap. Stephenie Meyer owns it all. Lucky bitch.**

_He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. _"When _are you finally going to figure out that you're in love with me, too?"_

_ "Leave it to you to ruin the moment."_

_ "I'm not saying you don't love him. I'm not stupid. But it's possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I've seen it in action."_

_ "I'm not some freaky werewolf, Jacob."_

_ He wrinkled his nose, and I was about to apologize for that last jab, but he changed the subject._

_ "We're not far now. I can smell him."_

I nodded. I was glad we were close. I was tired of this conversation. Jake was always ruining the moment like that.

I sat for a moment, feeling the gentle jouncing of Jake's running before the remorse hit. I thought about the last thing I said to him and blanched. I really should apologize. It wasn't fair to act like I didn't know what he was talking about. I understood what he was trying to explain to me.

"Jacob?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm sorry. That was mean. You're not a freaky werewolf."

He grinned, but the sadness remained in his eyes. "Yes, I am."

"No. Well, I mean you _are_ a werewolf, but I understand what you were getting at just now. About being in love with more than one person."

He blinked a few times before his black-brown eyes widened. "You do?"

I sighed. He had misunderstood, as usual. _I_ wasn't saying I was in love with more than one person. I just knew someone else that was.

"Yeah, but not from experience. Just watching others in that situation."

Jacob frowned for a moment. His dark expression matched the purple-black clouds overhead. I was glad we were almost there. Those clouds didn't look good. After a moment Jacob's eyebrows slid up in comprehension.

"Oh. You're talking about the little one. Midget-vamp."

"She has a name, you know," I huffed.

Jacob shrugged playfully. "I like midget-vamp better."

I ignored him. "Yes, I'm talking about _Alice._"

Jacob rolled his eyes. "Fine. _Alice. _What's up with her, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"So, is she still in love with her...mate? The one with the freaky eyes? The blonde one?"

"_Jasper,_" I growled. He knew their names. He was just doing all this name-calling to annoy me. "Yes, of course she still loves him. I told you she loved more than one person. She loves Jasper _and_ me."

Jacob grimaced.

"What?" I asked defensively. It was obvious, judging by his expression, that he found Alice's loving me a little disgusting. That didn't sit well with me at all. Jacob should have more respect. He was in the same situation as Alice. As far as I was concerned, he had no right to act superior.

"It's just so _weird_," Jacob said, nose wrinkling again, this time in repugnance.

"I don't think so," I snapped. I thought it was bizarre at first, yes, but I didn't find it nearly as strange as Jacob did.

"Oh come _on_, Bella," Jacob rolled his eyes again. "You can't tell me you don't think it's a little odd."

I snorted. "What's so odd about it?"

Jacob snorted exasperatedly before speaking. "Well, for one, she already has her mate. Aren't vampires supposed to stick with their mates forever? You hear stories all the time about how pissed they get if you mess with their mate. I didn't think you could break that kind of attachment. It thought it was almost like imprinting."

I cut in to try and help explain it. "They do stick with their mates forever. It is like imprinting. Almost just like it. But Alice told me that it's not like her love for me is splitting, or damaging, or getting in the way of her love for Jasper. It's more like it just grew to include me. She loves Jasper just as much as she always has. I'm just an addition to it. An equal addition. It's like if you imprinted twice. Imprinted on one person, and then on another one later."

Jacob nodded slowly in comprehension. "Imprinting on _two_ people? Wow, that's...that would be really hard."

I nodded. "It is hard. From what I've learned from Alice, it's almost impossible to cope with."

Jacob nodded, for once in true understanding.

"Okay, I guess that makes sense to me. That clears up weird-thing number one."

I scowled. "What's weird-thing number two?" I wasn't quite sure I wanted to know.

Jake rolled his eyes again. "Bella. She's a _girl._"

I didn't understand what Jacob's problem was. Of course Alice was a girl. I knew that Jake could be dense, but this was just excessive.

"What? Of course she's a girl. I don't understand the problem."

Jacob stared at me incredulously for a moment before speaking again. "She's a girl. _You're_ a girl. You're _both_ girls."

Maybe he really _was _that dense.

"Duh, Jacob. Your point?"

"Bella, come on, don't play dumb. Don't tell me that's not the first thing you thought when she told you. Don't tell me that part of you wasn't thinking 'Hmm... I didn't know she swung that way...'"

"Jacob! That was rude!"

"But you thought that, didn't you?"

I sat for a minute, thinking. 'Didn't know she swung that way.' I couldn't believe he was being so horribly rude. Trust Jacob's mind to go there. I scowled. But then I tried to remember my thought process when Alice told me she loved me. I sifted through my memories, trying to find instances where had I noticed or thought it odd that Alice was female _and_ in love with me. I couldn't find any. I honestly hadn't thought about it and I had no idea why not. I mean, I had never had an issue with that sort of thing. I had had a far too liberal upbringing with Renee to have a problem with it. But Jacob was partly right. It should've been one of the first things I thought of. It was a fairly obvious complication. But sexuality issues had never even crossed my mind.

"No. I really didn't think that. Honestly."

Jacob examined my face, eyes boring into mine, obviously trying to make sure I was telling the truth.

"Jacob, I'm telling the truth. You know I'm a terrible liar, you would know if I was lying to you."

Jacob nodded. "Yeah, you're right. But, that in and of itself is odd, Bella. That it never occurred to you that that was odd or unexpected."

"Well, I don't know why it didn't. I just don't think of Alice that way, I guess. It's hard to put her in a box like that. She's so hard to describe. Hard to peg. She's utterly unique, so it's impossible for me to fit her into a mold. So, I guess I don't really think of her as any kind of label, positive or negative or neutral or anything. She's just Alice to me. And I think Alice thinks of things a lot like that, too. Alice sees people. Only people. She's not the type of person that pays much attention to trivial things. She doesn't pay attention to race, or gender, or physical appearance, or anything like that. She's drawn to people. It's not that she ignores those kinds of outer traits. She doesn't even think to consider them. It's almost like they don't even register."

Jacob was watching me intently as I spoke. There was a funny look in his eyes.

"You seem to know her very well."

"As well as I do you and Edward."

That gleam in his eyes grew stronger. It was familiar. I had seen it last night, when I was talking to Jacob in his wolf-form. I wished I knew what it was. I couldn't pinpoint the emotion behind it.

"You're...closer to her than the others. Besides him, I mean."

I nodded, ignoring the fact that Jacob refused to say Edward's name. "Yes. Definitely. I mean, don't get me wrong, I _am_ close to the rest of the Cullens. I don't know what I'd do without any of them. But Alice is... I don't know. She's..."

Jacob stared at me before speaking.

"Special."

I looked at him, surprised. "Yes. Exactly. She's family to me."

Jacob nodded, scowled lightly, and opened his mouth to speak before the wind silenced him. It gusted around us, blowing brush and soil in my face. Jacob curled around me a little, trying to protect my eyes. I shivered and nestled closer to his scorching skin. It was unseasonably cold for May.

When the wind died down, Jacob started talking again. "But the others are family to you, too."

I frowned. I was having trouble describing the distinction between Alice and the rest of my family. "Yes, they are, absolutely. But it's not quite the same, still. I don't know how to describe it." I sat thinking. There was something that set Alice apart from Emmett, Carlisle, Jasper, Esme, and Rosalie. "I just...I don't know."

Jacob nodded. "I think I do. You feel like you know her. Not like you've gotten to know her really well. More like you've _always_ known her."

I scowled further. "Yes. Exactly like that. It's weird, and I probably sound totally crazy, but...the first time I saw her, I... I _recognized_ her. Does that make sense?"

Jacob nodded. "I know the feeling."

I nodded back and paused for a minute. It was like Jacob was reading my mind again. He was putting into words exactly how I felt. It was a little scary.

"How do you do that?"

Jacob looked at me questioningly. "What?"

"Tell me how I'm feeling. How do you know?"

Jacob nodded in comprehension. "Because I've felt it."

"Really? With who?"

Jacob hesitated. "I'll tell you eventually. Tell me more about Alice."

Jacob wanted to know about Alice? He hated Alice. What was going on?

"Uh. Okay. What do you want to know?"

Jacob shrugged. "Nothing specific. I just have trouble getting a sense of her. I figure if I'm going to be fighting with these bloodsuckers, I might as well try and figure out who they are. I need to know who's most likely to turn on me." Jacob grinned jokingly.

I sighed. "Very funny. And on that note, I wouldn't push Alice. She's still pretty miffed at you, so she'd probably be the one who's most likely to turn on you at this point."

Jacob laughed. "I can take her. She's, what, like four something?"

I laughed back. "Yeah. She's _tiny_. Which scares me sometimes. She's so little. She could get hurt so easily."

Jacob rolled his eyes before asking another question.

"Does she have a temper? She kinda seems like she might."

"Temper? Oh yeah. She has a nasty one if she doesn't get her way. Especially if something gets in the way of one of her parties." I grimaced.

"Yeah, you told me she loves parties."

"She _adores_ them. You don't want to mess with Alice's parties. She threatened me within an inch of my life about coming to that graduation one."

Jacob frowned. "That's not the way you treat someone you're supposed to be in love with."

"No, it's not. But neither is kissing them without their permission, so I wouldn't throw stones. She means well. She only throws parties for other people. It's something she likes to do for others. It's her way showing them she loves them. So, yeah, it's annoying, but I let her do it anyway. She loves doing it, so I'll suffer a little if it makes her happy."

"Didn't she make your 'kidnapping' a slumber party?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes. It was horrible. She painted my toenails."

Jacob laughed his sharp, barking laugh. "That's torture."

"It is when it's Alice. That's another thing about Alice. She loves fashion. Clothes, makeup, the whole nine yards. She's always dressing me up and putting makeup on me." I grimaced, remembering the last time Alice had forced makeup on me.

Jacob plastered a look of mock-horror on his face. "Oh, God, no! Not makeup!"

I glared at him. "Do _you_ want Alice to treat you like her own personal paper doll?"

"No."

"Then shut up. Alice gets pretty intense about these things. It's frightening."

"You let her do all this to you. Do you ever get to be with her where she's not subjecting you to makeup and clothes and parties? Because it seems like you're pretty miserable around her, to be honest."

"No! I'm not miserable around her. Even with all that. Sometimes I get a little annoyed with the clothes and everything, but she tries to keep that kind of thing to a minimum, since she knows I hate it. And, even if I am stuck at one of her parties or something, I like seeing her happy. When she's happy it's... it's pretty contagious. You can't help but smile a little bit with her. I like spending time with her even if what we're doing is annoying to me. She's so loving. She's got a way of making people feel wanted. You can't help but want to be around her. Almost everyone I've ever talked to loves her. She's..." I sighed, failing to come up with a word that described her thoroughly enough. I kept talking. The words bubbled up in a continuous stream.

"And the thing that really amazes me about her is that she keeps trying to be positive and happy even now. She's so sad all the time and all she tries to do is push it to the side, keep things going. Stay optimistic. She's got a _lot_ of will. She's...amazing," I finished, still feeling that the adjective I had just used didn't do Alice justice at all.

Jacob's expression was almost blank, save a little tiny bit of distaste in the set of his mouth. He inexplicably changed the subject.

"She's very graceful," he commented. I sensed a microscopic touch of respect in his voice. "I noticed that last night."

"Yes, she is. I've always kind of thought she looked like she was dancing when she moves."

"Yeah. It is a lot like that."

"And did you notice her eyes? How the light reflects in them?"

Jacob didn't say anything for a moment. He just looked at me. Then he responded.

"No, I didn't notice."

"Yeah. Her eyes look different depending on how she's feeling. The light in them changes. It's different for every emotion. They shine when she's looking at someone she loves, and they flash when she's angry, and they do this sparkly thing when she' plotting stuff. She's sad a lot lately, though, so they're foggy most of the time now. They're so expressive. I've never seen anything like it. I love her eyes."

Jacob kept his eyes on the path as he spoke.

"You think she's beautiful."

Alice's image flashed behind my eyes. Her tiny, willowy silhouette. Her silky, jet-black hair, arranged in perfect, spiky disarray, that tickled when I brushed up against it. Her slow, bright, dimpled smile, tinkling silver laugh and glassy voice. Her amber eyes, lit up some from outside light, but mostly from within.

Jacob was on a roll today.

"Yes. I do think she's beautiful. I always have."

Jacob shut his eyes tight and started shaking his head. Then he started laughing. What was so funny? He was really starting to annoy me.

"What?"

"Three, Bella? Two is bad enough. But three?"

Three? Two? What was he talking about?

"What? You're not making any sense, Jacob."

Jacob laughed harder. It was loud, jarring, and oddly bitter.

"Do you even hear yourself, Bella?"

I didn't understand. What had I said that was so funny? What didn't I hear myself say that made Jacob react like that?

"Jacob, I obviously don't get it. Could you please explain?" I snapped.

Jacob stopped laughing, but a ghost of a sad smile remained on his face.

"How is it that I can tell who you're in love with, but you can't?"

Oh no. Not that again.

"Jake, we already had this conversation. Stop trying to tell me that I'm in love with you! I'm not, okay? I'm sorry!"

Jacob shook his head. "You _are_ in love with me, but that's not what I was talking about. I was talking about Alice."

"What?"

Jacob's smile vanished. His dark eyes bored into mine.

"Bella. Are you really that blind? It's so obvious."

"_What _is obvious, Jacob? Spit it out!"

"You're in love with her, Bella."

I froze.

"What?"

"You're in love with Edward, you're in love with me. And now you're in love with her, too. All three. Not two. Three."

I just sat there, curled in his arms for a moment before it registered and I started sputtering.

"What? I-no! What are you-? No, I'm not in love with her, Jacob! I'm not! I love her to pieces, but I'm not_ in_ love with her!"

Jacob sighed.

"Argue with me all you want, but you're in love with her."

Now I was angry. It was bad enough that he kept insisting that I was in love with him. But Alice, too?

"I'm not, Jacob! And I would probably be the best judge of my own emotions, don't you think?"

Jacob shook his head.

"No, I don't. In fact, I think you're probably one of the worst judges of your own emotions. It comes with that selflessness of yours, Bella. You're so focused on other people all the time that you don't pay enough attention to yourself. You don't focus enough on what's going on with you. If you were more in tune with yourself, you'd probably be able to come to these conclusions on your own. But since all that focus is directed outward, a lot of times other people have to help you realize things. Because you aren't paying enough attention to see it yourself."

"Just because I'm not selfish, Jacob, doesn't mean I'm stupid. I know what's going on with me."

"I'm not saying you're stupid," Jacob shook his head in disagreement. "I'm saying you're pretty unobservant when it comes to yourself."

"What makes you think you can tell me what I'm feeling? What makes you think you know better than me?"

"Because I focus on you. All my focus is on you. All the time. You know that. And you never pay attention to yourself. So I'm bound to know what's going on with you better than you do."

"Honestly Jacob? Excuse me for saying this, but I think that's bullshit."

Jacob shrugged at me. "You can think that. That's fine. But one day, hopefully soon, you'll figure out that you're in love with me and you'll figure out that you're in love with Alice and it won't be bullshit anymore."

I scowled deeper. "I highly doubt that."

Jacob nodded. "That's fine. I'm not trying to convince you anymore, Bella. It's not working. I've decided to just let you figure it out on your own. It'll happen faster that way. So you can say it's bullshit and that you don't believe in it. That's okay. I'm not trying to convince you otherwise. I'm just telling you what I think and hoping you'll keep it in mind. The only reason I told you you're in love with Alice is because I don't want it to take you by surprise later. Even though you don't think you are, getting over that initial shock now will help later when you finally realize. Trust me."

"Ugh!" I growled, threading my hand in my hair and clenching my fist around a hank of it. He was so _frustrating_. Why couldn't he just leave me alone? If he thought these things, fine. But could he keep them to himself, just once? And where had he gotten this idea that I was in love with Alice? It had practically come out of thin air. I decided to ask him.

"I have a question," I sniped.

Jacob shrugged off the tone. "Okay. Shoot."

"Where the hell did you get the idea that I'm in love with Alice? It's so random, Jacob, it doesn't make sense to me."

Jacob nodded and sighed. "You really don't hear yourself. Think about the way you talked about her, Bella."

I did as Jacob asked and didn't come up with anything. I had just said what I felt. I stayed silent, willing Jake to continue.

"The way you just took off when I asked you to tell me about her. You had so much to say about her. And the things you talked about, the things you thought were important. Those were telling."

"Like what?" I snapped.

"Like how you suffer through the parties because it makes her happy. Because you like seeing her happy. You didn't stress how they annoy you nearly as much as you talked about how much Alice loves them. The way you talked about loving she is. You should've seen yourself. As soon as you started talking about her, you lit up. The change was immediate. And the eyes. You should've seen your face when you were talking about her eyes."

I bit the inside of my cheek and didn't speak.

"When you told me about her eyes? That was it. You were talking about her like...I don't know...like this delicate, priceless thing. That's really the best way I can describe it. Your face had this wistful look. You're in love with her, Bella. I can see it in _your_ eyes."

I shook my head. "I'm not, Jacob. Really. Please stop trying to tell me that I am."

Jacob growled lightly in frustration. The animalistic sound rumbled softly in his chest.

"You _are,_ Bella! I don't understand how you can be so dense about this! The proof is right here in front of you, and you just keep lying to yourself! I really don't get it!"

"_I'm_ not the one who's being dense, Jacob! You're the one who keeps trying to tell me what I'm feeling when there's no way you could possibly know. If it were Jasper telling me this, I'd believe him, but you're just grasping at straws!"

Jacob closed his eyes, clenched his jaw, and inhaled deeply. When he exhaled he opened his eyes and spoke, quieter this time.

"I want to ask you a question and I want you to be honest with me."

"Whatever. It won't matter whether I choose to be honest with you or not, I'm incapable of being dishonest. So just ask your stupid question and leave me the hell alone."

Jacob ignored my nastiness.

"You told me that when you saw Alice for the first time, you recognized her. Correct?"

I didn't like where he was going with this, but I answered anyway.

"Correct."

"Obviously I wouldn't have had quite the same effect on you, since you vaguely knew me when you first came to live here last fall. But, you didn't know Edward." I saw Jacob flinch ever so slightly, as if being forced to say his name was painful. "Did you feel like you recognized him, too, when you first saw him?"

I knew the answer before he even finished the question. I had gotten that feeling the first time I saw Edward. It was part of what had drawn me to him so quickly. I was forced to answer honestly, knowing where Jacob would take this.

"Yes."

"Did you get that feeling with any of the other Cullens, besides Edward and Alice?"

"No." I was forced to answer once again, knowing that, logically, Jacob had me. Knowing the conclusion he wold draw and knowing that nothing I said would convince him otherwise.

Jacob sighed. "So you didn't get that feeling with any of the others. You felt the _same way_ when you saw Alice for the first time as you did Edward. You're head-over-heels in love with Edward. But you don't think you are with Alice?"

I snorted angrily. "No."

Jacob laughed that hard, bitter laugh once more.

"Bella, you are the most stubborn person I've ever met. You won't listen to anybody once you've made up your mind, not even yourself. You're completely abandoning logic at this point!"

"Logic isn't everything."

Jacob sighed. "No, it's not, but it's not insignificant either. Bella, do you realize that, after you mentioned Alice the first time, that I geared that whole conversation towards her to see what you'd do? To see how you related to her?"

I froze for a moment, letting that process before the anger engulfed me like a wave.

"You _what?_ You-I-I can't believe-let me down! Put me down, _now_! I'll _walk _the rest of the way!"

Jacob rolled his eyes and tightened his arms around me.

"Calm down, Bella. You can't walk the rest of the way. It's too steep for you, you won't make it.

I thrashed around, but Jacob's arms, thick as tree branches, were unmovable. I stopped moving to avoid bruising myself.

"Jacob, sometimes I really can't stand you," I snarled.

Jacob shrugged. "I'm really trying to do what's best for you, Bella. I'm trying to give you some warning so this doesn't sneak up on you. I suspected last night that you were in love with her. Just by the way you looked at her and interacted with her. So I decided, sometime today, that I was going to try and confirm that, and I did. You can be as angry with me as you want. It still doesn't change anything."

I ignored him. "I am officially not speaking to you," I snapped before shutting my mouth for the rest of the trip.

Jacob sighed. A simple, "Okay," was all that he said.

Neither of us spoke the rest of the way. I just sat there, stewing in my own anger, waiting for us to get there so I could be with Edward. So I could get away from Jacob. So I could try to forget everything that Jacob had said in the past few minutes. I closed my eyes to try and concentrate on that task. The, biting, freezing, wind strengthened and I tried fervently to let it carry all those worried thoughts away with it as we finally reached our destination.

** I would be forever indebted to you all if you would leave a review and tell me what you thought! Reviews are like a Cinnamon Dolce Frappuccino from Starbucks. Those are my favorite. I had one today and it was delicious. **


	8. Chapter 8

** Hello readers! First, before I say anything, I want to give a HUGE thank you and some 4****th**** of July fireworks to all my reviewers! (For my readers outside the U.S., you can have the fireworks just for the hell of it, haha.) Your reviews are the perfect pick-me-up. And I need a lot of those for when my boss decides to work me 7 days with no break. So thankyouthankyouthankyou! Ya'll are the shit.**

** This chapter's quote is on page 584 and 585 in my edition of **_**Eclipse**_**. It's just a few pages into chapter 26. It's the scene in Alice's bathroom. I've also got some lines in the chapter that were on page 585. You guys will probably recognize them. They're not italicized, but they're in there and they're not mine. I gotta make sure I say that so I can't get sued, haha. Also, please note that the rating for this story has changed. The changed rating does not apply to this chapter, it applies to the next one. I just wanted to change it now to give you guys a little warning if some of you are not a fan of M rated stuff. **

** I think that's about it for now. Sorry for the long author's notes. Enjoy Chapter 8, everyone!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own a damn thing. Stephenie Meyer owns all of it. So if you would refrain from suing me, I'd appreciate it.**

_ "One more thing. Can I ask you another question about the future? I don't want specifics, just an overview."_

_ "I'll do my best," she said, doubtful again._

_ "Can you still see me becoming a vampire?"_

_ "Oh, that's easy. Sure, I do."_

_ I nodded slowly._

_ She examined my face, her eyes unfathomable. "Don't you know your own mind, Bella?"_

_ "I do. I just wanted to be sure."_

_ "I'm only as sure as you are, Bella. You know that. If you were to change your mind, what I see would change...or disappear, in your case."_

_ I sighed. "That isn't going to happen, though."_

I just stood there for a moment. I didn't want to leave. Because I knew what was waiting for me as soon as I crossed the threshold of Alice's room. As soon as I left the Cullens', I had to go see Jacob. I had to tell him that I wasn't choosing him. I had to go break his heart. So I was stalling, trying to find something to do or say to delay my leaving.

"You don't want to leave," Alice murmured.

"No," I choked. "I don't. I don't want to hurt Jacob, Alice. I love him. I just keep thinking, maybe I could be okay with him. Maybe I could live without Edward. Just so I didn't have to break him like that. And I know it wouldn't work. I know what would happen to me if I chose him. I would be just like I was before Edward came back. I wouldn't be me anymore. I can't make myself do that. It's too much to handle again. But this-this is almost as bad as that. It's almost that painful. I can't-"

Alice shushed me lightly. "Bella, listen to me for a minute, alright? No talking. Just listen."

I nodded, allowing Alice's soothing silver voice to quiet me.

"I'm not going to give you any advice or voice any opinion on who I think you should choose. That's entirely up to you." Alice spoke quietly. "But I will say this: whoever you choose, don't make your decision based on what others want. Neither Edward nor Jacob want you to be miserable. They don't want to see the shell you were a month ago. That's not you. They want you to be whole and happy. I'll tell you what Jacob really wants. He doesn't just want you to choose him. He wants you to choose him _and_ be happiest with him. Unfortunately, that, most likely, is not what's going to happen. There's no winning in this situation. Someone is going to get hurt, no matter what. Either Jacob gets hurt, and you're happy, or Jacob's happy and you're miserable. And the latter, in the long run, is going to hurt him anyway. This is going to sound a little callous, but for once in your life, you're going to have to be selfish. You can't live your life trying to please other people, Bella. Eventually you have to do what's right for you. It's painful. I know it is. Trust me, I do. But, unfortunately, that's what life is like most of the time."

I sighed and looked up into her worried eyes. "I know. I just wish there were two of me, honestly. It'd be so much easier."

"I know the feeling," she sighed, hanging her head just a little. She closed her eyes for a moment, willing her own pain away for a moment before speaking again.

"Do you think you're making the wrong choice? I'm not trying to push you either way, I'm just asking. Are you sure you're sure?"

I nodded. "Yes. I love Jacob. So much. But I can't _breathe_without Edward, Alice. Literally. I've had to live without Edward and I've had to live without Jacob for a short time, too. I know which one is worse. I have to pick the lesser of the two evils and try and move on."

Alice nodded, eyeing me worriedly. "Okay. As long as you're sure."

I nodded. "I am."

Neither of us said anything for a moment. Then Alice spoke again.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I nodded.

"Do you wish you hadn't realized that you're in love with Jacob? Would you rather have never known? Would that have been easier?"

I thought about that for a minute.

"Easier? Yes, it would've been easier. But I don't think that's what I would've wanted, no. I don't want to be kept in the dark. I'd rather know exactly what I'm choosing and know what my other options are. Even if I don't choose the other option. I just wish it hadn't taken me so long to figure it out. I feel like I don't have any time."

"Bella, if you're not sure, don't make a snap decision. Neither Edward nor Jacob want that, either."

"I know. But I know who I'm going to choose. I don't see prolonging it."

Alice nodded. "I guess that makes sense."

"Can I ask you the same question?" I murmured. "Would you rather have not known you're in love with me?"

Alice smiled sadly. "My answer is the same as yours-no. I'm glad I figured it out. It was getting to me anyway. At least now I know what's eating at me. Before I just had this awful, miserable feeling and I had no idea what it was or why it was there. Even if I can't fix it, at least I'm not wondering why I'm miserable anymore."

I paced back and forth across Alice's bathroom a few times before wandering to sit back down in the chair that stood next to the counter. Alice's thin, arched brow furrowed.

"Something else is bothering you. What's wrong?"

"I-I don't know. I just have this weird feeling in the back of my mind. I've had it for a while now. Like I'm forgetting something, or missing something. I don't know. But it's bugging the hell out of me."

"Do you have any idea what it's about?"

I shook my head.

Alice frowned. "Come on, Bella. You must have some idea," she urged gently.

I shrugged. "I don't. I'm probably unconsciously ignoring it. Jacob says I don't listen to myself." I felt my throat constrict as I thought of him.

Alice smiled a little and laughed with a gentle 'hm'.

"He's right. It _is_ one of your worst habits. That's why it took you so long to figure out you're in love with him."

Alice wandered over to where I sat, idly playing with my hair again. I thought back to the conversation I had had with Jacob yesterday when he had told me I didn't pay enough attention to myself. Of course, he had also tried to tell me that I was in love with Alice, but I was ignoring that.

"Did you figure out what's bothering you?" Alice asked out of the blue.

"No," I said, puzzled. "Why?"

"You tensed up really badly just now."

"Did I?"

Alice nodded grimly.

"Oh."

I tensed up? Because I was thinking about the fact that Jacob said I was in love with Alice. It had been bothering me since Jacob brought it up yesterday. His statement kept floating up into the forefront of my mind and every time it did I tried to push it back and ignore it. I sat back and followed that line of thought. Jacob and Alice both said I didn't listen to myself enough. Maybe I shouldn't be ignoring what Jacob had said. I should try and delve into it. Dissect it. Figure out how I felt about it. He was convinced that I was in love with Alice. Why did his saying that bother me so badly?

Well, why it had bothered me when Jacob had insisted that I was in love with him? Because I had been in denial? I nodded to myself. Yes, that was it. I hadn't wanted to face it, so I had lied to myself. But if I had been in denial about Jacob, what did that mean for Alice? My knee-jerk reaction was to abandon that train of thought instantly. But instead, I pushed through and kept going. I was trying to listen to myself for once. Did that mean what Jacob had said was true? Was I in love with her? I wasn't sure now. I was never sure of anything anymore.

I closed my eyes, trying to clear my head. I had to stop _thinking_. There was too much going on in there. I couldn't tell how I felt about anything at the moment. My mind was too full. I took a few deep breaths to try and dispel the whirlwind of thought that ricocheted around in my head. As the storm in my brain calmed, I became increasingly aware of Alice's dainty hands running through my hair. I had barely noticed it before. It felt nice. I leaned back into her hands as Alice continued running her fingers through my hair, from my scalp all the way down to the ends. My troubled thoughts seemed to follow her fingers, traveling out of my head and with her hands. I just concentrated on the feel of Alice's porcelain fingers, letting them lull me into a semiconscious state. Before long goosebumps traveled behind her feather-light touch. My throat loosened. My muscles relaxed a little. My stomach stopped churning. I inhaled contentedly and Alice's familiar scent swirled around me. Oranges and orchid and honey. As I exhaled I felt Alice's frosty breath skim lightly across my face. Alice mistook my sigh of contentment for one of sadness. She put her arms around me and I burrowed into them. She rested her chin on my shoulder and her hair tickled my lower jaw.

"I'm sorry. I can't really _empathize._ My first memory is of seeing Jasper's face in my future; I always knew that he was where my life was headed." Alice paused before she continued. I could tell she was trying not to mention me. She was trying to keep things comfortable and uncomplicated for me. She thought I had enough going on without her own emotions complicating things. "But I can _sympathize_."

I felt Alice's arms loosen and I held them there. I wanted her to stay where she was. I liked having her slender arms there, encasing me. They were soft. Soothing. Safe. I liked feeling her delicate, pointed chin rest lightly on my shoulder. I loved having her hair tickle me like it always did. I loved feeling her silken cheek pressing against mine, loved feeling the very tips of her long eyelashes whisper across my cheekbone. I loved it when everything around me was Alice. Every sight, every sound, every touch, every smell was her. I loved talking to her, listening to her bell-like voice and quiet breath. I loved watching the light change in her eyes, throwing my arms around her tiny frame, breathing her intoxicating scent. I loved her soft, wintry skin, her silky hair. I loved...her. I stopped breathing as I processed the thought that had just run through my head. What had I said to myself? I swallowed hard. My God, I had said that I loved Alice. This couldn't happen. I couldn't take it.

"I'm so sorry you have to choose between two good things," Alice finished with a sigh.

Two. That wasn't right. The more I considered it, the more I felt that it was three. The more I felt Jacob was right about my feelings for Alice. But I still wasn't one hundred percent sure. It had taken kissing Jacob for me to figure out I was in love with him. Would it take the same to see if that was absolutely true for Alice?

I shook off her arms. "Don't feel sorry for me." There were people who deserved sympathy. Jacob. Alice. I wasn't one of them.

Alice sighed. "I do feel sorry for you, Bella. Look at you, you're shaking like a leaf."

I looked down at my hands. They were trembling. I had too much nervous energy in my system. Knowing what I had to go tell Jacob had already made me a mess. But this new worry? The worry that Jacob was right and I was in love with Alice too? It was enough to drive me insane. To send me over the edge.

Alice walked around from the back of the chair and knelt down in front of me. She clasped both of her icy hands around mine, trying to still them. "You're a nervous wreck. I just wish there was something I could do to help."

I inhaled shakily. I almost shook my head at her, almost said, 'No, there's nothing you can do that you've not already done, Alice.' But then I stopped. I had thought to myself that it might take kissing Alice for me to know if I really loved her. But I had dismissed actually acting on that thought. Until now. No. It was selfish of me to think that way. I had hurt too many people already. I shouldn't even bring it up. But the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"I think- I think maybe there is," I breathed. I put a hand over my mouth in embarrassment and frustration.

Alice tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, peering up into my eyes. "What is it? What can I do?"

"I-," I paused. "Never mind. It's nothing."

Alice scowled. "You have something in mind, I know you do. Just spit it out, Bella. I'll get it out of you eventually, anyway."

She was right. But I wasn't sure if I could force this out. Alice was staring at me, frowning lightly. I knew why. She couldn't get a read on my future. Because I hadn't decided what I was going to do yet. Should I tell her what I was thinking? Or make something up to placate her? I knew which one was the kinder option. Alice had told me I needed to be a little selfish for once. Still, she hadn't known what was coming when she had said it. If she had foreseen this, would she have given me that advice? Whatever I did, she wouldn't see it coming. It would be a snap decision. I felt bad about blindsiding her. But I was on the fence about this and couldn't help it.

I swallowed hard and opened my mouth. "When you said you were sorry? About me having to choose between two good things? The number...it's not completely right."

Alice cocked her head at me. "What are you talking about?"

"You said two. I'm not totally sure, but- I think it's three. I think I have to choose between three good things."

Alice just stared at me for a moment. Her amber eyes shone with curiosity and her eyebrows pinched together in confusion. Then she looked to study the bathroom floor as she realized what I meant. "Three. And who would this third person be?"

I couldn't really see her face, but I could hear in her voice that she hoped it was her. She didn't think it was. The set of her shoulders said that she was bracing herself for disappointment. But she wanted so badly for it to be her. I felt it radiating off of her.

"You, Alice," I said. I could hear my own voice trembling. "Who else would it be? Who else besides Jacob and Edward has ever loved me as much as you do? Who else besides them has ever been as kind and patient and loving to me as you? It'd be hard not to love you, Alice."

Alice hadn't looked at me. "You said you weren't sure?"

I bit my lip. "Almost, but not completely, no."

She nodded. "How does this relate to what I could do to help? What-what do you want me to do?" Her voice was strained, as if she were holding something back.

"I-," my voice faltered for a moment. "I want to know for sure. I want-"

Before I could finish my sentence, Alice shut her eyes. She had seen my answer. "Bella. I'm not sure about this. I mean, if Edward found out he'd be _livid_."

"Not if I _ask_ you to. He didn't say a word to Jacob. Because I asked him to kiss me. And now...now I'm asking you," I stuttered. "Will you- will you kiss me, Alice?"

Alice still hadn't opened her eyes.

"Is there something wrong? Did I say something?" I murmured, backtracking.

"No," Alice shook her head. "It's just...I've fought this for so long. I'm just afraid if I do kiss you, I won't be able to...I don't...I-" Alice stopped speaking and shook her head, jaw clenched. It was one of the only times I ever saw her incoherent.

"Please, Alice. Kiss me."

Alice sighed heavily and shakily.

"Please?" I pleaded one last time. "I want to know if I'm right. I don't want to wonder what could've happened."

Alice didn't move. I sighed ashamedly.

"I'm sorry. It was inexcusably selfish of me to ask that of you. I shouldn't ever have asked that much of you. I'm so sorry. I'll leav-"

Before I could move to stand up, Alice's hand was on my shoulder, keeping me in my seat.

Alice turned to look at me. Her amber eyes, with their long, feathery eyelashes, bored straight into mine. My breath caught in my throat.

"You know I can't say no to you. You know it's useless for me to try." Alice trailed off.

"But you don't want to kiss me," I murmured.

Alice's striking eyes widened before she shook her head.

She slowly brought her palm up to rest on my cheek. The tips of her tiny fingers snaked into my hairline and her thumb stroked, whisper-soft, along my cheekbone to my ear.

"Of course I want to kiss you, silly girl. It's all I've wanted since the night I found out you were still alive after your cliff-diving stunt. I've never wanted anything so badly in a hundred years." Alice stopped for a minute, trailing off as if her throat had closed up momentarily. She took a breath and continued.

"I'm just trying to make sure this is what you want." she whispered.

"It is."

Alice leaned up until her face was inches from mine. I felt my heart beat and my breathing quicken.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes," I breathed. "I want to know. It might be easier for me not to. But I don't want to wonder for the rest of my life if I'm in love with you."

Alice nodded. Then she buried her dainty fingers deeper in my hair and gently tugged me down to her perfect, pink mouth. My eyes fluttered shut right after hers. Alice hesitated for a split second before brushing her lips lightly and chastely against mine. She pulled back a little and sighed, wintry breath fanning across my mouth before she captured my lips with her own frozen, silken ones in a real kiss. I whimpered a little at the contact, but was too entranced by her to be able to be embarrassed by it. When I kissed Jacob it had taken me awhile to let go enough to kiss him back. Not with Alice. That first, small, chaste kiss was all it had taken to completely destroy the remains of the wall I had built up. Kissing Alice was so much different than kissing Edward or Jacob. As I reveled in the contrast of my warm lips moving with her gentle, icy ones, I felt that there was something absent from her kiss that was present in theirs, something that bothered me when I kissed them. As I moved my hand and slipped it into her silky, ebony hair I realized what it was. It was tension. When I kissed Edward, it was strained and guarded. It had to be because my blood appealed to him so much. When I kissed Jacob, there was so much heat, so much bitterness, so much anger in it. Jacob resented the fact that I didn't love him the same way I loved Edward, and it had reflected in his kiss. It wasn't that there wasn't love there when I kissed them. There absolutely was. It was just that there was added strain and that bothered me.

There was nothing like that there while I was kissing Alice. I didn't feel so tightly wound with her. Edward and Jacob made me tense. Alice made me melt.

I broke the kiss, in need of breath, and sat there, eyes still closed, gasping. I didn't remove my hand from Alice's glossy hair. My eyes slowly flitted open and they locked with Alice's gleaming, amber ones. I leaned forward a little to rest my forehead on hers and sat there, drowning in those eyes until I noticed something. Two crystalline drops rested on Alice's cheek. I moved to dry her tears before I realized that they weren't hers. They couldn't be. They were mine. I was crying. That's when I felt the tears welling up in my eyes. Alice moved to dry them, but before she could, I pulled her back up to me, with the hand that was still threaded in her hair, to kiss her again. Our first kiss had been hesitant. Sweet. Gentle. The second was unfaltering and had a desperation to it that the other had lacked. Because now I knew for certain that I was in love with her. And we both knew it wasn't enough. Even with my love for her and Jacob combined, it wouldn't be enough to overpower Edward.

My tears kept flowing as Alice kissed me as hard as she could without hurting me. It wasn't hard enough. I leaned and trailed my hand down her side to her waist. When my hand stopped she moved. Instead of kneeling in front of me, she was suddenly perched lightly on my lap, one leg on either side of me. I barely felt any weight on me. As soon as she had settled there, I snaked my free arm around her tiny waist and tugged her to me, locking her there, holding her as close and as tightly as I could. My hand tightened to a fist in her hair. Every fiber of my being was concentrated on keeping her there with me. Because I was going to have to let her go much too soon.

Alice shocked me a little when I felt her tongue run lightly across my lower lip. Edward hardly ever did that. It had taken him forever to build up that kind of control. I quickly shook off my surprise, opening my mouth and allowing her in. I sobbed into her mouth as her tongue gently and carefully met mine. She tasted just as beautiful as she looked, sounded, felt, and smelled. Alice tasted of honey and snow and silver moonlight.

I stayed there, kissing her long after I had run out of breath. I didn't care. I'd rather suffocate than leave her. As if she had read my mind, Alice forced my mouth from hers. I opened my eyes, blinking tears out of them, and started to complain, but Alice quietly cut me off.

"Bella, you were going to pass out," she murmured. I stared into her eyes. They were clouded with pain, but they were also shining with love and shimmered ever so slightly with relief.

"I wish you had let me," I whispered. That was the last thing I choked out before the tears got the best of me. I buried my face in her shoulder, sobbing. Like with Jacob, I was hopelessly in love with Alice. And, as with Jacob, I loved her both far too much and not nearly enough. My heart was fissuring into thirds. Two smaller pieces were separating from the whole. Together, the smaller shards almost equaled the size of the whole. But not quite. The third piece still overshadowed the other two.

Alice rocked me, held me, stroked my hair, and let me ruin her blouse as I sobbed and wondered why this had happened to me. Wondered why I had been both blessed and cursed with three soul mates. One was more than I deserved. Why did I have three? Why was I forced to break my own heart _and_ theirs? Why was I forced to choose between the three people who, together, made me whole?

I unconsciously moaned a muffled "Why?" into Alice's shoulder. She kissed the top of my head and whispered brokenly, "I don't know, dear. I don't know."

I have no clue how long I sat there, sobbing to the point of choking. After a while, Alice placed both hands gently on either side of my face, removing it from her shoulder. I felt soft, frosty lips on my cheek, right where one of my tears rested. Alice cradled my head in her hands and kissed every tear that rolled down my face. I don't know how long she stood there, kissing each drop off of my face. Long enough for me to run out of tears. When the tears stopped flowing, she kissed both of my closed eyes, and placed one last kiss on my mouth.

"Bella," she whispered and I opened my eyes. I started to speak, but she put a finger over my lips and shook her head.

"Not today. We'll talk about this tomorrow."

"But-"

"No, Bella. You already have to talk to Jacob today. You can't handle two of those conversations in one day. Trust me."

"But-"

"Bella," Alice sighed, closing her eyes. "You can't handle that conversation today. _I_ can't handle that conversation today. Just-I...I want one day. Just give me one day to-" Alice stopped abruptly.

I suddenly understood what she was trying to tell me. She wanted one day of real hope. She wanted one day to know that I loved her back and revel in it. Even though I was sure she could see what I was going to say to her tomorrow, she wanted one day in which to hope that I'd prove her wrong. She wanted one day to hope that I would choose her and know, however slim it was, that it was a possibility. I nodded.

"Okay. We'll wait till tomorrow." I sighed shakily. "I-I have to go home. Report back to Charlie and all," I laughed falsely and weakly.

"Yes, you do," she whispered. "That's part of being a Cullen. You have to play your part and cover your bases before anything else."

I wrapped my arms around her and held her so tightly that, if I didn't know she was a vampire, I'd be scared I was hurting her. She squeezed me back as hard as she could without it hurting me. I inhaled, breathing her scent one last time before I left. I exhaled, "I love you, Alice."

I felt her shake with dry sobs. "I love you, too, Bella." We stood there for a moment before Alice let go. She kissed me lightly once more.

"Go. I'll see you tomorrow. Good luck."

I didn't say goodbye. I rushed out of the house as fast as my legs would carry me. I knew if I stayed any longer, I'd never leave. I leapt into my truck, jammed the keys into the ignition and rocketed backwards up the Cullens' driveway. I barely remember the drive home. I do remember wondering if it was the rain or my tears that was clouding my vision as I drove, hearing Alice's voice in my ear, smelling her on my clothes, still tasting her on my tongue, and seeing her eyes reflecting in my tears and in the rain that coursed down the windshield.

** The story is NOT over, so please don't come at me with torches and pitchforks yet! D: If you guys would be so kind as to click that little button right there and tell me your thoughts, I'd be ever so grateful. Reviews are like a kiss from the lovely Miss Alice Cullen. :) Appropriate, no?**


	9. Chapter 9

** Hello readers! Before we get down to business, I'd like to give a huge, huge thank you and a vacation to the location of your choice to all my reviewers. :D You guys give the most delicious, encouraging feedback and I love you all! Thaaannnkkk yooouuuu! :D**

** Alright, down to business. This chapter has no quote. Why? Because we're running into **_**Breaking Dawn**_** territory and this chapter is situated in a small sliver of time that Stephenie Meyer didn't cover in her books. This chapter is after the last chapter of **_**Eclipse**_**. It's right after the small snippet of **_**Breaking Dawn**_** that covers Bella's telling Charlie about her engagement. **

** Also, a note about the rating. I originally changed the M rating so it would apply to this chapter. However, as I was writing, things got a little lengthy and I was forced to split this section of the story into two chapters when I had originally planned on one. So that means nothing M-like is happening in this chapter. I apologize to those of you who were waiting for M-rated goodness. It's coming in the next chapter! Pinkie promise!**

** I think that's about it, folks! Enjoy Chapter 9! Thanks for reading!**

** Disclaimer: I own nothing, as usual. And, as usual, Stephenie Meyer owns it all.**

I took a deep breath, running my fingers violently through my tangled hair. It was about 8:30 p.m. as I sat on my bed, propped against the headboard waiting for Edward to appear in my window. I buried my fingers in the knots against my scalp to try and still my trembling fingers. I was shaking for a few reasons.

One was fatigue. I was too tired to even sleep at this point. I had only gotten a couple hours of sleep last night. The only reason I had even fallen asleep that long was because I had utterly exhausted myself with my crying. I had sobbed myself into oblivion after having said my goodbyes to Jacob.

Another reason for my trembling was Charlie. Edward and I had just broken the news of my engagement to him. While his reaction wasn't as bad as I had predicted, the anticipation of his reaction had drained me of whatever energy I had left from last night.

The third and last reason? I had yet to speak to Alice today. I had seen her earlier to talk about my wedding, but with everyone else in the house listening in, the conversation and interaction between us had been false and contrived. Worse, I hadn't spoken to Edward about what had transpired between Alice and me yesterday. I was scared to death of Edward's reaction. I had already hurt him by kissing Jacob and now I had to tell him that I had kissed his sister as well. But even worse still, I was scared of having to break another heart. I had smashed Jacob's to pieces. Now I had to do the same to Alice. It wasn't fair. Any of it. It wasn't fair to Alice, wasn't fair to Jacob. And damn it, it wasn't fair to me either. I just wished everything would fall into place peacefully without all this pain and worry. But I should know better. Nothing was ever easy or simple. It all had to be so complicated. I bit my lip and dug my nails into my scalp, trying to force my line of thought away from this mess. It didn't work. I couldn't tear my thoughts away from her. Couldn't help but try and rehearse in my mind what I was going to say to her in order to cushion the blow as much as possible. Couldn't help but wonder what she'd do when I said it. Couldn't help but imagine the look on her face and in her eyes.

I felt hot tears well up in my eyes and spill over onto my cheekbones. How on earth did I have tears left after last night? Maybe the headache I had was dehydration. It would make sense.

"Bella?"

I jerked to my left to see Edward slip gracefully into my room from the window. I scraped my hand across my face to try and remove the evidence of my crying. Edward, of course, wasn't fooled. He was sitting at my side in the blink of an eye, arm curled around my shoulders, fingers deftly tucking stray strands of hair behind my ears and catching the tears that continued to fall despite my best efforts to prevent them.

"Don't cry, love. I know you've had a tough day, but it's over now. It's done. Everything is taken care of and there's nothing else to worry about now. Don't cry," he murmured gently.

Edward produced a tissue from somewhere - I'm not entirely sure where. He gently tucked it into my clenched fist and continued stroking the tears off my face. I shook my head at him.

"No."

Edward frowned lightly. "What is it?"

I started hiccuping through the tears.

"It's n-not over y-yet."

Edward was silent for a moment before he murmured gently, "I don't follow you, dear. Would you mind explaining it to me?"

I could only force out one word through my tears.

"Alice."

Edward cocked his head at me. "Love, you don't have to settle anything with Alice. While I am a little worried about her, to be honest, she's not your responsibility. She's lived a long time. She can take care of herself. And I assure you, she'd tell you the same thing I'm telling you right now. Don't worry about Alice. She'll be alright."

I shook my head violently. "No. Y-you don't understand-"

I took a deep breath so I could continue, but Edward interjected before I spoke.

"What don't I understand, love? I understand that you're upset about Alice because she hasn't been...handling things all that well. And she's like your sister. It's upsetting to see her in bad shape like she's in right now and-"

"_No_, Edward, that's not it." I was getting frustrated. He meant well, but Edward wasn't listening to me. Thankfully he picked up on the tone of my voice, understood that I was getting a bit annoyed with him, and nodded, allowing me to continue. I was terrified to tell him about Alice. But it had to be done. I shut my eyes as tight as they'd go, forced my jaw open, and spoke.

"She's _not_ like my sister, Edward," I gritted my teeth. "She never was. I just didn't understand that until yesterday." I slowly opened my eyes and turned to look into his golden ones. At first all I saw in them was confusion. But apparently the look in my own eyes answered Edward's questions. He blinked at me a few times. He was shocked and unsure of what to do. He opened his mouth, closed it back, took a breath, and then opened it again to speak. "What happened? Did she-"

I cut in before his line of thought became accusatory towards Alice. "_I_ kissed _her_, Edward. I asked her to. It was all my doing. Because I'm in love with her, too. Don't be angry with her. If you're angry, be angry with me. You _should_ be angry with me. I deserve it." I inhaled violently, hyperventilating through my tears.

Edward shook his head, "I'm not angry, love. I-"

I rose my voice, "You should be! I'm _engaged_ to you, Edward! And I go off making out with other people! That's not okay! You can't tell me you're not even a little bothered by it! I'm so stupid!" I punctuated the last word of my sentence by punching my mattress.

"You are not, nor have you ever been, and nor will you ever be _stupid_, Isabella Swan," Edward spoke, gently catching my fist as it made a second attempt against the mattress. "I told you, I'm not angry. Am I bothered? Yes. Because I love you and, well, I get jealous when others have successfully...piqued your interest. And yes, we're engaged, but that doesn't mean I own you, Bella. I'm not going to tell you how to live your life. That's not my place. I will always love you, no matter what. If you told me right now that you had to go kiss each of them again twenty more times just to make sure you were making the right choice, I'd say 'okay.' I just want you to be happy, whatever that means."

"I wish you were angry with me. I'm having trouble understanding why you're not. I feel like I'm getting away with things that I shouldn't. I feel like _someone_ should be mad at me or something. I feel like I'm doing bad things and that people are just turning a blind eye to them."

Edward nodded in understanding before voicing his viewpoint.

"Maybe no one's mad at you because the things you're doing aren't actually that bad, Bella. Tell me what you've done that you think is bad."

"I kissed other people, Edward! When I'm _engaged_! And I knew even before that that Alice and Jacob were in love with me and that being around me was difficult for them. And I still insisted on having them around all the time! I just keep hurting people! I hurt Alice and Jacob by just being around them, and then I hurt them more by kissing them when I know it doesn't change anything, and then I hurt you by kissing them!" I paused to take a breath and Edward cut in.

"I think you fell in love, Bella," he smiled sadly. "And I don't see anything bad about that."

"I do. And I wish you were mad at me. It'd be a little less confusing," I muttered, defeated.

"Well, I'm not. You're just going to have to get over that one, love," Edward chuckled sadly. Edward continued brushing the tears off my face. I took a deep, shaky breath and spoke.

"Are you mad at Alice?"

Edward's sad smile drooped and he sat, pensive for a minute before answering.

"No. More...hurt, to be honest. You have to understand the relationship between us. Jacob doesn't have the ability to arouse any emotion in me besides anger, so his kissing you didn't affect me the same. Alice has been my best friend since she and Jasper joined our family. Alice and I understand each other better than the rest of our family does. It's because we're both gifted that we gravitate towards each other. We're the freaks of the family, to put it bluntly. Not that anyone in my family has ever insulted us or shunned us for our gifts. They merely don't understand what it means to have them. They don't always understand the pressure they put on us for having them, or the inconveniences we suffer from them. It's difficult to hear everyone's thoughts all the time. It has its uses, but I never have known what it's like to have complete quiet, without being bombarded with everyone's thoughts twenty four seven. Except, of course, when I'm with you. Alice's situation is similar. It's difficult for her to be socked over and over with visions as she tries to go about her business. Then, after one has hit, she's often agonizing over what it is, what it means, and, if it's bad, how to change it. It's a lot of worry for one person. Did you know we're the only vampires we know that can suffer headaches?"

I felt my eyes widen. "Really? I thought vampires didn't get sick or feel pain unless it was inflicted by another vampire."

Edward nodded, "That's true for all vampires, save me and Alice. If I walk into a room of more than about three hundred, I'll get a headache. Or if I'm trying to tune out someone whose thinking is particularly loud, I'll get one. If Alice's visions get too complicated, if they change too much and she gets too many of them, or if she's trying to see past the gaps the wolves leave in her sight, she gets them. I remember that when one of us got a headache, we used to go sit together in the attic until it wore off," Edward smiled as he spoke. "We'd play chess up there. Alice is the only one who has ever been able to beat me. We'd rummage through the boxes up there, finding things we used and wore decades ago. Or just talk. Alice and I could talk forever. We haven't done that in a while, though. That's mostly my fault." Edward's smile faded slowly.

"She misses you," I whispered.

Edward smiled shakily, "I miss her too. But you can see the strange emotional predicament we're caught in now. You are my reason for existing. The love of my life. Alice is my best friend. My baby sister. For her to love you the same way I do, to kiss you the same way I do...it's hard. I'm not sure if Alice and my relationship will ever fully recover."

"You need to try. Because I've still got to tell her that I'm not choosing her. She's going to need a lot of emotional support. I'm sure she'd want her best friend there to help her."

Edward frowned skeptically. "Are you sure I'm going to be any help? Remember, you're choosing _me_ over her."

"I don't know how she'll handle that. But I do know that she's still not convinced that you forgive her. She still thinks you hate her. And I think that knowing that you do forgive her will help a great deal."

Edward nodded grimly. "I'll try."

I nodded, my breath still hitching. "Thank you. I wish I could help, but all I'd do is make it worse. She's probably not going to want to talk to me after tonight."

Edward shook his head, "I doubt that. Once you work your way into Alice's heart, you're there to stay. She's one of the most loving, loyal souls I've ever met. Even after what you're telling her tonight, she won't ever leave you. She'll stick with you and be who you want her to be. She can't not love you, can't not stick with you and try to help you and protect you in whatever way she can. She's always been like that with those she loves. She deserves far more credit than I've given her. It bothers me to know that anyone loves you the way I do. But if I had to choose anyone other than myself for you to be with, if I had to choose anyone to take care of you other than myself...it'd be Alice. I wouldn't trust anyone else."

"You should tell her that," I whispered. "You should talk to her. _I_ need to talk to her. Edward...can you call her or something? I just need to see her. Soon. I've put it off long enough."

Edward nodded wordlessly and pulled out his tiny, sleek, silver phone. I just sat, trying to breathe normally as Edward held the phone to his ear, waiting for an answer. Finally, Alice answered and Edward responded.

"Hello, Alice." He paused for a moment and continued, "Bella wants to see you."

I sat listening to Edward's half of the conversation, trying again to figure out how to say what I needed to say without breaking her heart, and knowing that nothing I said would keep it together.

"Yes, at her house...Yes, she told me what happened...No, I'm not angry with you, Alice...No...Yes, of course it's alright with me. I trust you...You're welcome...Okay...I'll see you in a minute." Then Edward smiled sadly, "I love you, too. Bye."

Edward clicked the phone shut and turned to me. "She'll be here in about three minutes. I'm going to leave so you two can talk without anyone hovering over you. Alice will call me when she's leaving."

I nodded. "Thank you. I love you."

Edward kissed me softly and murmured, "I love you, too." before disappearing out the window.

I sat, waiting for Alice, terrified. What would she do when I told her? Would she cry? Would she be angry with me for kissing her like I did yesterday when I knew it probably wouldn't change anything? Would she try like Jacob to convince me to choose her? Would she just get up and leave? I chewed on my lip and continued twisting my fingers through my hair, trying to keep busy so my nervousness wouldn't get the best of me. Suddenly I heard a knock on my door. Strange. Alice normally came in the window.

"Come in."

I breathed a sigh of momentary relief when Charlie stepped through the door. It delayed my speaking to Alice; she would have to wait until Charlie left my room to come in. I knew I had to speak to her eventually. I was just scared.

"Hey Bells. I'm, uh, going to LaPush for a little while to keep Billy company. He's going a little stir crazy. He's got to stay with Jake, you know, but Jacob's been sleeping because of the drugs and everything and Billy just needs..."

I cut him off before I had to hear more about Jacob. I felt horrible about leaving Jacob in a fragile emotional state when he was in pain physically. I didn't want to hear about the complications of his injuries.

"It's okay, Dad. Just go, I understand."

"Okay. You'll be alright by yourself? You look a little-"

"I'm fine, Dad. Thanks, though." I smiled weakly. I knew he could tell I'd been crying. But explaining the cause of my emotions _after_ having told him about my engagement would've been overkill. Charlie could only handle so much drama in one day.

Charlie nodded. "Okay. I just want to make sure I'm taking care of you. It's not going to be my job for too much longer." Charlie stopped as his voice cracked and his eyes watered faintly. His face turned the same tomato red that mine did when I was embarrassed.

I smiled again. "Thanks, Dad. You're doing a good job. Now go see Billy. I know he'll be glad to see you."

Charlie nodded once more and mumbled an "I love you," before backing out of my room.

"I love you too, Dad. See you later." I sighed as Charlie shut my door again. My nerves flared back up immediately. She was going to be here any second. I felt the tears start to well back up in my eyes. I was so tired of crying. It made me feel like a whiney little kid. I clenched my eyes shut trying to cut off the tears, but my tear ducts disobeyed and salty drops started plopping audibly on my quilt.

"Bella?"

I clenched my fist around a handful of my quilt as soon as I heard her tinkling, silver voice. I forced my eyes open to see Alice's delicate, worried face in the window. I sighed.

"Hi, Alice."

Her frosty pink lips curved up in a slow, melancholy smile. "Hi, Bella."

She slipped into my room, and padded, feet silent like a cat, over to my bed. She sat right next to me, adopting the same cross-legged position that I had. Alice wordlessly lifted me up, one arm hooked under my knees, the other curled under my arms and around my back, and placed me gently in her lap. My arms automatically encircled her slender waist, squeezing her lightly. I pressed my cheek to her collarbone, inhaling lively orange, exotic orchid, and sweet honey. She kept her arms around my shoulders, threading her fingers together to keep her arms looped around me. I sighed as I felt the cool, gentle weight of her cheek on the top of my head. My hair fluttered lightly as Alice inhaled. I heard the many high, silver pitches and tones that made Alice's voice as she spoke.

"Your heart was just _thrumming_ a minute ago. You are one nervous little wreck, Bella."

Alice began stroking her fingers through my hair like she normally did when I was upset. I squeezed her harder, knowing what I had to do. I didn't know how I was going to say it. I just had to do it soon before I lost my nerve. I lifted my cheek from her collarbone, and Alice followed suit, removing her cheek from the top of my head. I just stared into her bright eyes, watching the moonlight dancing in them. On a whim, I leaned up and kissed her one last time on her icy, pale pink lips. Then I pulled back, and gritted my teeth.

"Alice-"

Alice shushed me gently and I frowned lightly, confused. She shook her head.

"You don't have to say it." Then Alice smiled that sad, sad smile that I was so used to. "I know. I knew yesterday. It's Edward. It's _always_ been Edward."

"Alice, I'm so sorry," I whispered, shutting my eyes. "I should've known that nothing was going to change. I shouldn't have done what I did yesterday. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I knew before you kissed me what was going to happen. I knew that you'd choose Edward. Because it's always been Edward for you. And, Bella, you have to know - it's always been Jasper for me."

My eyes snapped open and I looked at her, startled. "What? Does that mean-?"

Alice shook her head again, seeing my question before I finished it. "No, it doesn't mean I'm not in love with you. I'll _always_ love you. It means that I thought about what I've been doing to Jasper. And, even if _I_ had a choice, I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't hurt him like that. Jasper's face is the first memory I have. We've been the constant in each others' lives for far too long. We literally don't know how to live without each other. Our lives didn't _mean_ anything until we found one another. And I can't destroy that. It'd destroy me."

I just sat for a minute before asking another question. "So, if you had to choose between me and Jasper, you'd choose him?"

Alice nodded, "Yes. It doesn't mean I love you any less. I don't. It's more like Jasper just got there first. Does that bother you?" Alice's thin eyebrows arched worriedly.

"No. It actually makes me feel better. I feel a lot less guilty now. I don't feel like I'm singlehandedly destroying your life anymore."

Alice laughed. "I feel better too. It feels more like a choice now. I feel like, even though it breaks my heart not to be with you, that I had some sort of say in it."

I nodded in understanding, feeling my smile fade away. Alice had taken the news better than I ever could've expected. But that still didn't change the fact that I loved her dearly, and that I had to say goodbye to her tonight. My eyes started clouding with moisture, and my chest started aching, signs of the quickly growing grief that overtook me. Alice's eyes widened, misting, mirroring my own sadness.

"What's the matter? Did I hurt your feelings?" she questioned, lightly panicked as she brushed tears off my face.

I shook my head, "No! I'm _happy_ about what you said. It's just-I was so scared of telling you that I was choosing Edward that I pushed all this back. And then I realized that I still have to say goodbye, and-"

Alice tugged me to her and I buried my face in the crook of her neck.

"Yes, we have to say goodbye in a way. We can't be together the way we want. Not and stay with Edward and Jasper. We have to say goodbye to this part of _us._ But I'm not _leaving_, Bella. I'm not going to avoid you for the rest of my life or anything like that. You can't hurt Edward, and I can't hurt Jasper. But that doesn't mean we won't always love each other. That doesn't mean we won't see each other again. It just means that we have to distance ourselves in such a way as to not jeopardize our other relationships. So no, I can't kiss you ever again, I can't hold you quite like this. But I will always, always love you...and I'll always try to take care of you in whatever way I can. Nothing will ever change that."

I nodded. "Okay."

I felt a little better about saying goodbye to Alice. But, as with Jacob, I felt like I hadn't had enough time with her. I had just figured out that I was in love with her, and now I had to leave her when I hadn't even really been with her. I'd kissed her a few times and that was it. I wasn't emotionally ready to leave her and I had to anyway, just like I had with Jake. I pushed away from her a little, threaded my hand in her glossy, sable hair, and kissed her velvet lips one more time. I had to leave her much too soon. I was at least going to kiss her while I still had the chance. Alice didn't hesitate like she had yesterday. Our lips fell into rhythm almost immediately. I had only kissed Alice a few times, and I already knew I was going to miss it. Everything about it was so soft, so sweet, so safe. I felt a tiny hand bury itself in my hair, and another curl around my hip, thumb rubbing gently back and forth. I pulled back for just a moment to catch my breath, and then captured Alice's lips once more. After a minute, I felt Alice's tongue gently and tentatively sweep my lower lip, just like yesterday. I smiled a little against her lips and allowed her in. I couldn't help but whimper a little into her mouth. She just tasted so beautiful. I would miss the way she tasted, too. I kept kissing Alice, losing track of the time. I was never going to be able to kiss her again like this, so I wasn't stopping anytime soon. Alice, apparently, shared the same sentiment. I forgot about the time, the outside world, my obligations, my should'ves, my would'ves, my could'ves. I was completely focused on the movement of Alice's silken mouth against mine. I shifted after a while. I had been sitting sideways on Alice's lap, and I was forced to turn a certain way to kiss her. I moved so that I was facing her, legs unconsciously wrapping around her. Alice stopped only to shift so that her arms were wrapped around my waist, clutching me to her, before continuing. My left hand, the hand that wasn't buried in Alice's shining hair, was in motion, gliding slowly along Alice's shoulder blade, running down her spine, skimming along the waistband of her jeans, stroking the soft plane of her stomach, memorizing her before I had to leave her. I noticed after a while that Alice's kiss was no less gentle, but it had lost some of its sweetness in place of a vivid heat and urgency. I didn't mind. As long as it was Alice, I was happy. My left hand moved from Alice's stomach to dance up the side of her ribcage, thumb tracing the curve below her breast. Alice gasped and snapped backwards, breaking the kiss immediately, staring at me with wide, shocked eyes. I thought at first that she was staring at me in disbelief until I recognized the faraway, slightly vacant look in her eyes and realized that she was caught in a vision. She stared, blank for about a minute. Then she closed her eyes, and when she opened them again I knew what she had seen. There was no mistaking the slightly dazed, heated glow emitting from her amber eyes. She shook her head before speaking.

"Bella...I-"

"I know what you saw. You don't have to explain it," I murmured, leaning back towards her to kiss her again. Alice's dainty hand gently stopped me.

"Bella, stop-"

"Why, Alice? We have this one night. Just this. And then it's over. I didn't get to say goodbye to Jacob, because he'd misunderstand. But you won't. I want to say goodbye to you. If _you're_ opposed to this, then I'll stop. But if this is about _me-_"

"_I_ have no qualms about this. _You_ I worry about. You're not _thinking_, Bella."

I growled lightly. "I know. That's the _point,_ Alice. I'm tired of over-thinking, I'm tired of agonizing over things, I'm tired of trying to please everyone. So, you're absolutely right, I'm not thinking. For once I'm not going to think. I'm just going to _live._"

Alice stared at me for a moment, a tiny bit of the heated glow I had seen moments ago creeping into her eyes. Then she nodded and crushed her mouth to mine.

**Hey you! Yes, you! See that little button there? Yeah, that one! If you click it and tell me what you thought about this chapter, I'll love you forever and ever! Reviews are like sex and chocolate. At the same time.**


	10. Chapter 10

** Hello, readers! Sorry it took me longer than usual to update! But this chapter is about twice as long as the others, so hopefully that helps some. I'd like to give a ginormous thank you and the biggest hug ever and anything else you want to all my readers. I'm giving you all a bigger thank you than normal because this is going to be the last chapter in this story. I'm really sad to see it go, but this is where I planned to end it all along and I think continuing it would detract from the story line. You guys have been the sweetest, most enthusiastic readers and I thank you guys for every favorite and every review you guys have given me. :) Thank you, thank you, thank you.**

** I do have to tell you guys where this chapter's quote is. This one is from **_**Breaking Dawn **_** and it's on page 42 in my edition. It's just a few pages into Chapter 3. And don't worry when you don't see M rated stuff immediately. It's in here, just like I promised. :) I think that's about it, folks! Thanks to those who've read this from the beginning, those who just started reading today, those who reviewed any of these chapters, those who favorited this or added it to your alert subscription. Thanks to my lurkers, too! :) Thanks to everyone who gave this a chance. So, without further ado, here's Chapter 10! Enjoy!**

** Disclaimer: I don't own anything, as always. Stephenie Meyer does.**

_ She didn't uncover my eyes until we were in her oversized bathroom. I stared at the long counter, covered in all the paraphernalia of a beauty salon, and began to feel my sleepless night._

_ "Is this really necessary? I'm going to look plain next to him no matter what."_

_ She pushed me down into a low pink chair. "No one will dare to call you plain when I'm through with you."_

_ "Only because they're afraid you'll suck their blood," I muttered. I leaned back in the chair and closed my eyes, hoping I'd be able to nap through it. I did drift in and out a little bit while she masked, buffed, and polished every surface of my body._

I was slowly getting used to the breezy, cavalier attitude Alice adopted whenever others were around. It had bothered me at first. I missed my tender, gentle Alice. I missed her slow, sad smiles. Pined for her soft, pillowy embraces and touches. Ached to hear her soothing, silver words and whispers again. I thought, for awhile, that I had lost my Alice forever.

It took me a few weeks to understand Alice's new, strange behavior, to know where to look for my Alice underneath the façade. I didn't understand, at first, that Alice had to change her behavior to keep the rest of the family, especially Edward and Jasper, on an even keel. To restore a little bit of emotional balance to things. Our decision to be apart in order to stay with our respective partners wasn't worth much if we appeared to be emotionally sidetracked. I also understood later that Alice knew I wasn't a talented enough actress to help her share the burden of putting on a brave face for everyone else. Alice had to convince me, at least for a little while, that her attitude was genuine. Her casual attitude towards me was so convincing that, one day when we were in her room discussing wedding plans together, my eyes started welling up with tears. I couldn't understand what I had done to make Alice act that way. There were a few family members milling about in other rooms of the house, so I was unable to ask about it.

Alice's eyes widened as she realized that she had been a little _too_ convincing. She didn't _say_ anything to comfort me. She disguised my crying for the rest of the family with an "I'm sorry, Bella. I know all this planning gets a little overwhelming." I was about to break down into full-blown sobs when I felt cool, gentle hands flowing through my hair. I opened my eyes to find Alice kneeling down so that her eyes were level with mine. She never said a word. She didn't have to. I only had to look into her swirling amber eyes to know exactly what she was trying to tell me. Her eyes said that she had been trying for weeks to get me to understand that this was a farce. But, being my unobservant self, I had only taken her _words_ to heart. I hadn't thought to look for more subtle communication. Alice's eyes still held that gentleness and love that I had been missing so badly. My tears slowed and she smiled slowly. She was glad that I finally understood. She patted my cheek gently, tucked one last strand of hair behind my ear, and resumed talking about the guest list.

As Alice spoke, I searched her eyes for messages and meaning that weren't conveyed through speech. It was a little like communicating with Jacob in wolf form. Alice couldn't _say_ certain things to me. But, as usual, Alice's eyes told all. Alice was talking to me about who to invite, how may people we could reasonably expect to attend, how we were going to arrange the ceremony and reception. But her eyes said that she had been worried sick about me, said that she was sorry that she had hurt my feelings, and asked if I was alright and if I understood now. I tried responding without any gestures, or nods, or smiles. I tried my best to say, with my eyes, that I was fine now that I understood that this was an act. Alice nodded infinitesimally. I smiled and she continued. I remember wondering how I could've been so foolish. The expressiveness of Alice's eyes was one of the things I loved most about her. For me to forget to search her eyes for the real message was an enormous oversight.

When no one else was in the room, Alice allowed small amounts of physical contact. A brief embrace, a light brushing together of the hands, an imperceptible stroke of her finger against my cheek, a fleeting running of her fingers through my hair. But the non-verbal communication came in handy when others were present. Alice and I could communicate without the rest of my family ever realizing it. We could retain the status quo and still keep a tiny bit of the emotional bond we had had.

Our interaction was a little different right now, though, as Alice prepared me for my wedding. This required more extended physical contact than we had had in a while. It was both refreshing and a little nerve wracking. It was difficult for me to have this much physical contact with her after having not had it for a while.

At first, things felt very normal and fairly platonic. Alice was giving me a manicure. I was quite content to have Alice's nimble, dainty hands filing, and buffing, polishing away. It was nice, simple, safe contact with no complications. When my hands looked perfect, Alice sat cross-legged on the bathroom floor to work on my feet. This was equally safe and platonic, at first. I sighed, counting the tiles in Alice's shower, a little bored. Alice was concentrating on making me look perfect and wasn't feeling terribly verbose at the moment, so I had to find something to do to fill the void left by the lack of conversation.

I was fine until Alice leaned up to the counter to grab a bottle of nail polish. Her hair brushed my knee and I stiffened, images flashing along the back of my eyelids. I swallowed hard. If Alice noticed the slight quickening of my heart rate, she didn't say anything about it. She continued painting my toenails, making sure they looked flawless. She replaced the top and set the bottle back on the counter. Then she uncrossed her legs, and rose up on her knees. The chair was low enough that she was almost level with my face. I knew she was examining my face so she could get a sense of what she wanted to do with my makeup. To a passerby, everything would've looked completely innocent and I was sure that Alice hadn't meant anything by it either. But there was something about the way she was positioned, something in the way she held herself that reminded me of another time and place. I inhaled forcefully, and Alice's eyes flicked up to meet mine. I could tell she knew what I was thinking as her lips parted and her jaw went a little slack. I closed my eyes and turned my head as the memories flooded my brain...

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Alice's mouth met mine. I felt heady adrenaline begin coursing through my system. I had expected more of a protest from Alice, so her quick, zealous reaction had caught me off guard. There was a gentle, heavenly electric current running through my veins. Alice had been so cautious around me lately, so her sudden abandonment of that wariness was surprising and exciting. I was basking in this feeling. True, my elation was mixed with grief that I had to leave her. But I was, for the most part, happy for now. I was going to let things just happen without worrying about what was going to happen later. I was going to revel in the fact that I had the opportunity to - I felt myself blush as I thought the words - make love to Alice before I had to leave her. I grinned against her mouth at the thought and I felt her velvet, wintry lips smile back.

My left hand continued dancing along Alice's ribcage, where it had been before Alice's vision. I let my thumb skim the curve on the underside of Alice's breast before my hand skirted to Alice's sculpted collarbone and around to her tiny shoulder blade. I slowly brought my hand back to the front of Alice's ribcage. I was a little nervous about being too bold, or too hasty, or too clumsy in my actions. I was, after all, utterly inexperienced. As if she knew what I was thinking, Alice brought a hand up to my face, thumb stroking my cheekbone softly. I was reassured, remembering who I was with. This was Alice. Alice whose sole goal was to make me feel comfortable and loved. She would take care of me. I had nothing to worry about. I kissed her with greater fervor and moved my hand to cup her breast. Alice moaned softly into my mouth and I smiled at feeling that wind-chime voice vibrate against my lips. I kneaded her breast gently and I felt her sharp intake of breath. I was doing alright so far. I kept my hand where it was, enjoying the soft, cushioned weight of Alice's breast cupped in my hand.

I broke our kiss to come up for air, and kissed along Alice's delicate jawline all the way to her ear, before nibbling softly on her earlobe. Alice tilted her spiky head to one side, allowing me better access to her ear and slender neck, encouraging me. I nipped and nuzzled and kissed all the way down Alice's graceful, porcelain neck. When I reached where Alice's pulse point should've been, I heard her breath hitch. I'd forgotten that vampires were particularly sensitive about those. I was wondering if that was a mistake when I felt Alice's tiny hands slip into the back pockets of my jeans, yanking me closer to her, allowing my legs to wrap around her waist more tightly. Definitely not a mistake. I continued sucking at her pulse point, enjoying the feel of Alice's quickening breath fluttering in my hair. I wondered briefly why Alice wasn't taking action as much as I was. I was about to ask when Alice, who had obviously seen my question, answered.

"I'm following _your_ lead, Bella," she explained, voice just a tad huskier than normal. "This is all under _your_ control."

I nodded. Alice couldn't completely abandon the cautiousness she'd adopted around me in the past few weeks. She didn't want to take any sort of control for fear that she'd do something that made me uncomfortable. I was a little nervous about taking charge, but I shook it off quickly. I continued kissing Alice's neck until I reached the base, lips brushing her soft, cotton shirt. I took a deep breath, inhaling her comforting scent, before bringing my fingers to her collar, unbuttoning it. I kissed the milky, satiny skin that appeared. I inched down the line of buttons on Alice's shirt, kissing the few inches of skin that were revealed every time I unbuttoned a button. I kissed the base of her neck, her breast bone, the valley between her breasts, the space between her ribcage, her stomach just above and just below her navel. Her smooth, frigid skin felt wonderful against my warm lips. Alice's shirt soon fluttered open, like curtains rippling in a gentle breeze. She shrugged it off, revealing a simple, elegant, black satin bra. I admired the curve of her shoulders and the flawlessness of her skin. I leaned back in to kiss her and felt her hands tentatively touch the hem of my shirt. Alice wasn't sure whether to act or not. I placed my hands on her icy ones and guided them so that they tugged my shirt over my head.

I tossed the shirt on the floor. I leaned back, mouth still locked on hers, to lie on my side, keeping my legs clenched around her waist. I tugged Alice as close to me as I could, savoring the first few moments of skin-on-skin contact and the taste of her lips and tongue moving feverishly against mine. We stayed like this for a few minutes, just enjoying kissing each other and exploring newly exposed skin. Suddenly, on a whim, I took Alice's left hand, which had been meandering along my side, and dragged it to the button of my jeans. Alice paused for a minute, wary, and I whispered in her ear, "It's okay, Alice. I trust you. You're not going to upset me."

I kissed her tiny ear and Alice nimbly flicked the button open on my worn jeans. Alice turned gently so that I was on my back and she was now hovering over me. She curled her fingers in my belt loops, tugging downwards and I lifted my hips so that my jeans easily slid off. Alice let them drop to the floor, where they pooled in a heap of frayed denim. Alice stopped for a minute and I looked up to her bright amber eyes boring into mine. She smiled slowly and I giggled at her. She was starting to relax, starting to let go of that wariness and fear that had bound her for months. It would take a little more coaxing to get her to let go completely, but we were making progress.

I looped my arms around her back, and she planted her arms on either side of my neck. I dragged myself up to kiss the smile that graced her face and I felt it widen. My hands wandered down to the satin band that hugged Alice's back. I pulled away from her lips, locking eyes with her as my fingers reached the clasp of her bra. Alice just stared back as I pulled the two ends of satin so that they tightened at first, and then gave way. Alice's bra slipped down her shoulders and she sat up to remove it completely. I gasped. Everything about Alice was stunning, and her breasts were no exception. They were perfectly shaped, large enough to fill my hand, but not so large that they looked disproportionate. There was a halo of light cinnamon brown in the middle of her breast, at the center of which lay Alice's nipple, a beautiful, soft petal-pink. I sat up and kissed her yet again, softer this time, in awe of her. She was heartbreakingly beautiful- so much so that I was starting to feel a little cowed by it. I kissed her slowly and gently, bringing my hand up to cover her bare breast. Alice pulled back and sighed, whimpering a little as she did so.

"You're so warm," she breathed.

I smiled, pushing her gently so that she was now on her back. I hooked my fingers into the waistband of both her expensive gray jeans and her panties, looking at her for permission. She kissed me, raising her hips and I removed her last two articles of clothing. I sat on my knees at the foot of the bed, staring at Alice who was now completely naked. The moonlight was pouring in from my bedroom window and Alice's porcelain skin gleamed and shimmered lightly in the bright, silver light. I have a few memories like this one. Moments where I couldn't speak, couldn't move, could barely cry because I was too awestruck by something or someone. The first was the first time I saw the sun rise in Phoenix, when the world glowed in hues of pink and orange, and it seemed that the dusty desert stretched forever out into the horizon. The second was when I finally found Edward in Volterra, when I first set eyes on him after five black months of grief, shining like diamonds in the Italian sun. The third was the first time I saw snow, here in Forks, blanketing every surface in crystal ice and sparkling powder. The fourth was the first time I recognized Jacob in wolf form - his russet fur, his understanding brown eyes that I knew so well, and his aura of wild, rustic power and grace. The last one was this. Alice, lying naked and vulnerable on my bed, propped up on her elbows, skin shimmering like stars in the moonlight, and eyes shining with love so strong that it thickened the air between us so that I was sure I could reach out and touch it. I felt tears well up in my eyes. I whispered, "You're perfect."

Alice smiled sadly. "Far from it. But I'm glad you think so."

I smiled. "I do think so." I was so glad I had decided to let go and let this happen. To think that I could've _missed_ this. The thought was heartbreaking.

I paused for a moment. I was still partly clothed, sitting in my cotton bra and panties. I was cowed by Alice. She was utterly flawless. I was afraid to undress completely because I could never compare to her. I would always look plain in comparison. Alice noticed my hesitance and leaned up, kissing me reassuringly. I felt her two icy, delicate hands situate themselves so that one was dancing along my back and the other was at my hip. With a quick, nimble flick of her wrist Alice removed my bra with one hand. I felt it slide down my upper arms and I briefly removed my arms from Alice's shoulders to toss it to my left. Alice gently pulled away from me, nudging me towards the foot of the bed. I felt her tiny fingers inch into the elastic hem of my panties and I understood. I briefly stood up, and Alice slid my purple cotton panties down my hips so that they fell to the carpet beneath my feet. I stood there, intimidated at being completely naked in front of one of the most devastatingly beautiful people I'd ever laid eyes on. I crossed my arms, covering my breasts in a moment of insecurity. Alice sighed, reaching out and placing a gentle hand on mine. She laced her fingers with my left hand and eased my arm away from its folded position in front of my chest. She did the same with my right hand, so that my arms dangled by my side. She was now holding both of my hands, thumb stroking the back of each one.

I saw Alice's amber eyes slide down my frame and back up. I shivered a little in nervousness and excitement. Alice locked eyes with me, whispering, "You are so beautiful." I was going to protest, was going to tell Alice to stop lying for my sake when I stopped. I couldn't because of the way Alice was looking at me. Alice's amber eyes were lit up with that silvery, loving sheen of hers. It stunned me. She _really_ thought I was beautiful. There was no mistaking the look on her face and in her eyes. She wasn't telling me that to placate me. I felt tears well up in my eyes again. This was one of the few times in my life I had truly _felt_ beautiful. _Alice_ made me feel beautiful.

Alice's thin eyebrows arched worriedly. "Is something wrong? Why are you crying?" she questioned apprehensively.

I smiled through the tears. "Because I love you."

Alice's eyes shone like they would've if she were capable of tears. "I'm glad you do, even though I'm not sure _why_ you do."

"Why?" I asked, laughing quietly. I leaned in, slipping my fingers in her dark, silky hair, kissing her so softly I could barely feel it. I put my free hand on her delicate shoulder, pressing back, so that Alice reclined on the bed. She slid up so that her spiky head rested on my pillow. I moved so that I was suspended above her. I kissed the corner of her mouth, her chin, along her cheekbones.

"Why do I love you?"

I kissed her nose, her forehead, the top of her spiky head.

"Because you risked your life to protect me from James in Phoenix when Edward couldn't."

I kissed her tiny, delicate ear, nipping her earlobe.

"Because you didn't listen to me and celebrated my birthday even when I asked you not to."

I kissed down her slender, graceful neck.

"Because you make sure I always have something pretty to wear because you know I can hardly dress myself and you want me to look appropriate."

Alice giggled at that one, and my lips felt it vibrate in her throat. My hands traveled down Alice's shoulders, tracing the elegant curve of them.

"Because I can always tell how you're feeling by the way the light reflects in your eyes."

Alice's perfect lips parted slightly, stunned a bit by my last statement. My hands trailed all the way down her sides, moving in a perfect hourglass pattern and she shivered.

"Because you always search the future to look out for me, to make sure I don't get in any trouble."

My hands danced around her sides to her soft, smooth stomach. I saw a little bit of that heat start creeping into her eyes.

"Because your hair tickles my neck when you hug me."

Alice grinned. I moved my hands so that they rested under her breasts, hands stretched in an L shape to follow the curve of her breasts. I heard Alice's breathing quicken a tiny bit.

"Because you let me take control to make sure I'm happy and comfortable."

I kissed her firmly on her velvet lips, thumbs brushing across her nipples. Alice whimpered into my mouth.

"Because you held and stroked my hand when it was broken."

I kept moving my thumbs in circles, feeling Alice's nipples harden. Impulsively, I nudged Alice's graceful legs open with my knee and slipped a thigh between them, adding gentle pressure. I could see Alice's stomach moving faster up and down as her breathing picked up.

"Because you told me you were in love with me, even though you were scared."

I moved my leg a bit, adding pressure, and then easing off, over and over. Alice closed her eyes, breathing heavier.

"Because you stay optimistic when others can't. Even when there's nothing positive to be said about a situation."

I took her nipples between my thumb and forefinger, rolling them. Alice bit her lip and moaned with her mouth closed tight.

"Because you slept on the couch with me that night because you know I can't sleep without a vampire anymore."

I kept my left hand on Alice's breast, and moved my right all the way down her left leg, from her thigh, to the bend of her knee, to her calf, and around her ankle.

"Because when you smile, I can't help but smile back."

I removed my thigh from between her legs and slid to lie down on top of her, left elbow on the mattress, propping me up so I could see her face. I shivered, that electric feeling returning as I realized that our breasts were touching. I inhaled slowly and deeply, my right hand moving from her ankle up her inner calf.

"Because you said you loved me before anyone else ever did."

My right hand slid up to her inner thigh, nudging her legs open again. Alice pulled her knees up a bit, so that her feet were flat against the mattress.

"Because you always respect my wishes."

I wasn't entirely sure what I was doing. I knew what _I_ did when abstinence became a little much and I needed release. I decided to just mimic that and hope for the best. I slipped my middle finger into her folds, making a soft circle around the swollen bud just underneath. Alice gasped rather noisily and I bit my lip. Alice felt like wintry, liquid silk.

"Because you know how to make me feel better when I cry."

I made a few more circles, adding a little more pressure. Alice closed her eyes, tilting her head back and breathing heavily through her nose.

"Because I love the way you taste."

I leaned down and kissed her, lightening the pressure and then intensifying it again. When I pulled back I saw Alice's tiny hands clench around fistfuls of my sheets.

"Because you watched for my future when you were gone, even though you were told not to."

I sped up the circles I was making and Alice moaned for quite a few seconds behind her tightly closed, frosty pink lips. She was guarding her movements a little to make sure she didn't hit me. Unrestrained contact with me while she was in this vulnerable state would kill me.

"Because you waited with the phone in your hand every time my future disappeared."

I replaced my middle finger with the soft, strong pad of my thumb, using a finger to tease her opening before entering her. Alice's hips bucked once and her silver voice filled the room as she moaned loud enough to make me appreciate that Charlie was out of the house.

"Because you came back when no one else did."

I started sliding my fingers in and out, thumb still going in circles. Alice's hips started moving in rhythm with my hand.

"Because you didn't leave me once you were back."

I added a second finger and Alice started panting.

"Because you make me feel beautiful," I murmured. "Am I doing this right?" I questioned, blushing.

"God, yes," Alice breathed and I blushed further, feeling it burn in my cheeks. Alice opened her mouth to speak, heavy breathing punctuating her words. "Just...move your fingers...like...this.." Alice lifted her hand, curling her fingers in a come hither motion. Alice's hand went back to clutching the sheet.

I did as Alice asked. I replaced my right thumb with the fingers on my left hand. I turned my right hand so that the underside of my wrist was facing the ceiling and I curled my fingers up, towards me. As soon as I did so, Alice's feet slammed into the mattress as her knees pulled up and she yelped so loud it made me jump. I recovered quickly, and continued pumping my fingers as I had been doing, making sure to curl them as Alice had asked. Alice got pretty noisy after that, moaning and mewling so loudly it echoed in my tiny bedroom. At one point, when I leaned down to kiss her, feeling her voice vibrate against my lips, I heard something rip. I knew it was only a matter of time before Alice shredded my sheets. After a few minutes, I got a little worried. I wasn't experienced, but I knew enough to recognize that things should've been progressing a little more than they had. I wondered if it was something I was doing wrong when I looked at Alice's face. She was biting her lip so hard she would've bled if she were human, her eyes were clamped shut, and her forehead was wrinkled. I knew part of her stiffness was that she was trying not to hurt me. But, after a moment, I understood that part of it was that Alice still hadn't let go of that wariness enough to give herself over to me. She was still holding back.

"Alice," I whispered. "You're not letting go. You have to let go."

Alice shook her head. "But if I do, I might hurt you." Alice's wind-chime voice was breathy and faint.

"No, that's not what I meant. I didn't mean physically, Alice. You have to let go _emotionally_."

I waited for a minute, still moving my fingers back and forth, but I didn't see a change.

"Alice, you _have_ to let go. Let yourself feel it. Let yourself love me, Alice. It's okay. No one can get mad at you for it. You're not going to hurt anyone. Let go, Alice. You want to know why I love you? I love you because _you_ love _me_. You have to let yourself do just that. Just let go, Alice. It's okay. _Let. Go."_

Alice nodded and I felt her back start to arch and her hips moved faster.

"That's it," I murmured. "I love you, Alice."

As soon as those words left my mouth, Alice's knees jerked up almost to her shoulders, her back arched in to a c-shaped curve, her head snapped back so that it almost touched the space between her shoulder blades, her eyes clenched shut, her mouth hung open, and she cried out my name so loud it rang in my ears for a few minutes. I felt her contracting and releasing around my fingers and I relished the feeling. I kept pumping my fingers until the movement of her hips slowed. I waited until I thought she had calmed down enough and I kissed her slowly, withdrawing my now slick, freezing fingers. Alice unclenched her hands from my sheets and draped her willowy arms gently around my back. I felt one hand snake into my hair. I pulled back and rested my forehead against hers, looking into Alice's heated, slightly dazed, happy amber eyes. Her lips were still lightly resting against mine, whisper soft.

"I love you," she murmured, and I felt the words move against my lips, her breath breezing across my lips and into my mouth. I felt a mixture of joyful and melancholy tears run down my cheeks and drop onto hers. That was the first time she'd ever said that without being prompted first by me. It was the first time she'd been able to say it without being scared. It killed me that she only had tonight to express how she felt without having to censor herself. But for now I was going to be thankful that we had tonight at all. Jacob and I hadn't. I was grateful for the chance to feel and act openly before I had to cover up my grief for others' sakes. Alice said it again, reveling in the fact that she could do and say what she'd been aching to for so long. "I love you."

I smiled through my tears. "I know. By some miracle, you do," I chuckled softly.

Alice shook her spiky head at me. "It's no miracle, Bella."

"It is. I _know_ you love me. I don't know _why._ I've never been able to figure it out. I can't understand what _anybody_ sees in me, Alice. I don't get it."

Alice shook her head again. "You never have been able to see yourself clearly. I can't speak for others. But I can tell you exactly what _I_ see in you. You told me why you love me. It's only fair for me to do the same for you."

Alice leaned up to kiss me. As soon as her wintry lips met mine, I felt gentle pressure on my left shoulder. I gave in to it and Alice turned us over so that my back was pressed into my downy quilt, Alice's cool, gentle weight on top of me. I felt Alice pull away and I opened my eyes seeing her delicate face suspended over mine. I couldn't help but smile at the way the moonlight hit her. She looked the same way she had that night she had told me she was in love with me for the first time. The light cast the same feathered halo as it drifted through her hair, created the same oblique shadows across her cheekbones as it shone through her eyelashes. The only difference was that now there was bright love and happiness in her eyes as opposed to misty sadness.

"I love you because you saw a family of vampires as people instead of monsters."

Alice's soft lips trailed from the corner of my mouth, along my jawline, to my ear. I felt my heart rate pick up just a little as Alice kissed my ear, carefully avoiding it with her sharp teeth. I felt her cool breath in my ear as she whispered, "I love you because you are so fearless you punched a werewolf in the face."

I couldn't help but laugh a little. I felt Alice's own giggling bubble in my ear, felt her stomach bounce on top of mine. I wrapped an arm around her waist, and draped the other between her shoulder blades, fingers moving to play with the soft, short hairs at the base of her neck. Alice moved back to my mouth, capturing my lips in yet another kiss. I tasted honey, snow, and silver moonlight again. Alice moved her lips, trailing in the same fashion to my other ear. I kept my fingers in her hair, still tasting her as her icy lips closed around my earlobe. I felt her breath in my other ear just as I had a minute ago.

"I love you because you asked Edward to apologize to me when it would've been easier for you not to."

Alice's mouth moved downwards from my ear to the area just below the curve of my jaw and I tilted my head, giving her access to my neck. It was a risky move to make around a vampire, but I trusted Alice. Alice kissed her way to my pulse point, freezing tongue darting out to lap at my skin for a split second. Alice then quickly moved away from my neck before my scent became too much for her. I felt her lips on my collarbone, close to my shoulder.

"I love you because you let me torture you with clothes and makeup because you know _I_ love it."

I smiled and Alice began kissing her way down my arm. Occasionally I felt her tongue lap lightly against my skin. When Alice reached the bend of my elbow, she kissed the line of dried blood left from when I cut myself during the battle to distract Victoria and Riley.

"I love you because you're brave enough to sacrifice yourself to protect others."

I met Alice's amber eyes for a moment as she rested her head between the bend of my arm and my stomach. I ran my fingers through her silky hair, trailing my thumb across her cheekbone. She smiled at me and leaned down to kiss my lower arm. She lifted my hand to her lips, kissing along my knuckles. I gasped, shocked as she took two of my fingers in her perfect mouth. I could feel her silken tongue on my fingers and I felt the muscles in my arm tense excitedly. She sucked on my fingers very gently, making sure her teeth didn't nick my skin, before releasing them. She bit her lip and I realized that she could probably taste herself on my fingers. I felt a gentle pulse at the apex of my thighs, felt that electric current crackle in my nerve endings.

"I love you because you didn't disown me when I told you I was in love with you."

Alice kissed back up my arm, along my collarbone, and finally to my breastbone. Her hair tickled the curve above my breasts and I felt the customary tug in my chest that meant my heart was picking up speed.

"I love hearing your heartbeat," she whispered, pressing her tiny ear to my chest right above my heart. I felt her eyelashes brush my skin as she sat there for a minute, listening. She picked her head up, kissing my breastbone again. Alice then trailed her soft, icy lips between my breasts, her silky black hair brushing against them and I felt my breathing shallow just a little. She kissed the curve under my breasts, running her hands down my sides. I clenched my thighs together reflexively, trying to gain some pressure to relieve the quickening pulse between them.

"I love you because you worry about others so much that you ignore yourself."

Alice's velvet, icy lips kissed my breast, an inch away from my nipple and my hips rocked infinitesimally. Alice then moved to do the same to my other breast and I was forced to close my eyes and breathe deeply. I was stewing in my own anticipation, muscles pleasantly tense, gentle heat growing between my legs. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for Alice to act. I felt her kiss between my breasts again and I growled under my breath, mildly frustrated. Alice was teasing me.

"I love you because you kissed me yesterday when it would've been easier for you not to."

I squirmed a little, feeling the cool air that was Alice's breath on my right breast. I was about to say something to her when I felt her silken lips close around my nipple. I heard myself moan involuntarily and I felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed. My hips started rocking softly, searching for pressure as Alice's freezing tongue swirled around my nipple. I reached up, clenching my fingers in her hair, swallowing hard. Alice pulled away from my right breast and I gasped as the air hit my wet nipple and it pebbled, hardening enough that it was almost painful. Alice's mouth moved to my other breast and she whispered,

"I love you because you're the most trusting person I've ever met."

Alice's thumb moved in circles over my hardened right nipple, and I clenched my teeth before she moved to suck on the left one. My back arched automatically, pushing my breasts closer to her. It was almost too much sensation for me to handle. I was panting now, and I could feel a light film of sweat start to gather on my skin. I was surprised at how automatic and involuntary all of my reactions were. I wondered if I should be embarrassed by them, but Alice didn't seem to think it was a problem, so I didn't worry about it. Alice released my left nipple, using her left thumb to mimic the circles her right one was making. My head tilted back a little as Alice kissed down the middle of my stomach. I felt Alice's lips moving just above my navel.

"I love you because you're humble when you have no reason to be."

Alice's mouth kept moving south, veering to the left a little. She kissed my hipbone, removing her hands from my breasts. I clenched my thighs together again and felt them slide a little, slick with moisture. Alice then kissed her way down my left leg, hand sliding down my right to mimic the path made by her mouth. She kissed down my thigh, my knee, my shin and to my ankle. Alice's mouth moved to my inner ankle bone before she began kissing up the inside of my calf. I shivered. Just before Alice reached the bend of my knee, her dainty fingers wrapped around my ankles.

"I love you because you're one of the kindest people I know," she whispered, hair tickling my knee. Alice pushed gently on my ankles, sliding my feet up so that my knees bent and my feet were flat on my mattress, like hers had been earlier. I could barely breathe at this point. I was suddenly glad that Alice's skin was so cold. I could feel sweat already soaking my shredded sheets. Alice moved up to kiss the soft bend of my knee and my inner thigh. Then she placed two gentle hands on my inner thighs, exerting soft pressure. I drew a shaky breath and opened my legs further. I whimpered as Alice kissed the bend of my thigh. Then I felt Alice's lips kiss the mound at the apex of my thighs, and my head snapped forward, eyes locking with hers. I felt her breath caress my skin as she stared into my eyes and whispered, "I love you because you make me feel like I'm human. I love you because you make me feel _alive_."

I felt tears in my eyes again, and my head dropped back onto my pillow, eyes clenching shut and rolling back slightly as Alice's gentle, freezing tongue ran, flat, up the length of me. My hand automatically slipped into her silky hair, clenching into a fist. Alice's tongue circled the sensitive bud that had been softly pulsing earlier and I gasped forcefully, hips bucking involuntarily. I was slowly abandoning rational thought, slowly losing awareness. The only thing I could focus on was the movement of Alice's mouth and the only things running through my mind were fragmented thoughts and images of her. Alice's tongue flicked against that bud and I moaned, her face, lit by moonlight, flashing across my closed eyes. As Alice alternated between soft, strong circles and nimble, staccato flicks of her tongue, I was hearing the reasons she said she loved me, repeating like a broken record in my ears. I vaguely heard myself cry out as Alice's tongue moved down a little, lapping at my opening before she slipped a tiny, frosty finger in me. I felt my hips rocking violently as I saw her bright eyes and slow smile flash across my mind's eye. Alice started sucking softly on that little bud and I felt like my blood had been replaced with alka-seltzer. I heard Alice's laugh, like tinkling silver wind-chimes, echo in my ears as she curled her tiny finger, like she had told me to do, and pressed down on the space between my hip bones with the flat of her left hand. My hips started moving faster in response to the increase in sensation. I felt adrenaline tingling in my blood stream, and I felt like I had gone numb and like every nerve ending had suddenly become hyper-sensitive at the same time. I could feel it before it happened. I felt my back arching very slowly, felt my lungs steadily filling up as I inhaled, felt my muscles slowly tighten like a spring. It was like standing in the ocean, watching in anticipation as a wave reared up and gained height and speed, where you could almost feel it crash down on you before it even hit. As Alice sucked on me, tongue swirling around the little bud, as her curled fingers pumped faster, as her hand pressed harder on my stomach, I felt that wave rear up. I felt a surge of heavenly sensation rush between my legs as the wave crashed. I felt my knees jerk up, hips bucking. I heard rushing in my ears as well as fragmented snippets of the song Alice sang to me that night she told me she loved me. I couldn't hear anything I said, but I remember feeling the air in my lungs empty and I suspect I cried out the only thing that was on my mind - Alice. I felt like I was floating in the ocean, or maybe in space. I just remember that I had lost the sensation of gravity. I remember seeing Alice's face in my eyes as well as random flashes of color that looked like the Aurora Borealis ribboning across the back of my eyelids. It was like heaven, or paradise, or Nirvana. Something. Whatever it was, wherever I was, it was perfect.

I remember feeling Alice's silky hair brush against my knee and I was vaguely aware of a pair of icy lips on mine. When Alice's lips left mine I opened my eyes. She was smiling softly at me, index finger stroking my cheek. I smiled back for a minute, but it faltered. My vision clouded with tears. I saw Alice's smile fade as well.

"Bella, what's wrong?" she whispered, eyes misting.

I sniffed. "It's over. You're going to leave me now."

Alice nodded. "I will have to leave you soon. Everything ends, Bella. It's sad, but it's true. But, Bella, I don't have to leave right this moment."

I dragged a hand across my cheek, sweeping tears away. "You don't?"

Alice smiled sadly. "No, Bella. I don't have to leave quite yet."

I nodded. "How long do you have?"

"Till just before the sun comes up."

I sighed in relief. We had a little while yet. "Won't Edward and Jasper wonder where you are?"

Alice shrugged. "Let them. They've got the rest of eternity with us. They can handle one night by themselves."

I smiled slowly before craning up to kiss her again, and again, and again.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I was fighting sleep, curled up against Alice's freezing, willowy frame. I had both of my arms looped around her waist, squeezing her to me in a vice-like grip. My head rested on her wintry shoulder as I yawned for the millionth time. I had been lying like this for about an hour and a half, talking to Alice before she had to leave. Alice kissed the top of my head and sighed.

"Bella, you have to go to sleep sometime."

I shook my head stubbornly, turning to look at her. "If I sleep I'll miss something. I don't have much longer with you. And I have a question."

Alice giggled. "Okay. Go ahead."

I was sure that Alice had already seen the question, but was doing me a courtesy by not reacting to it before I had asked it.

"Why do you want to help me with my wedding? Isn't it difficult for you?"

Alice sighed. "It's a good question. For one, I am a rather spectacular wedding planner..."

I swatted at her. "Be serious."

Alice grinned. "Sorry. I do enjoy doing it, no matter whose wedding it is. But mostly, it's the control aspect of it. If _I_ can't marry you, then at least I have control over it. And I get to see you in your dress and everything before Edward does. That helps some. Does that bother you?" she asked, eyebrows arching.

I shook my head. "No. I don't really care enough about the ceremonial aspect of it for it to bother me."

Alice nodded. I sat for a minute before another question floated up into my mind.

"Alice?"

"Hm?" she murmured, eyes closed.

"You said that if I chose Jacob that my future would've disappeared. Did you ever see anything for us? Did we have a future?"

Alice smiled sadly. "I saw one, when you kissed me yesterday."

My eyes widened in surprise. "What was it like? Were we happy?"

Alice sighed. "It was a difficult one. When we were together, just us, we were very happy, yes. It was others that made it difficult. Particularly Edward and Jasper. They didn't handle things well. They tried. We tried for awhile to make things work between us and still have a relationship with Edward and Jasper, but it didn't work. Things like that rarely do. Edward and Jasper left. That put a strain on the rest of the family. We were happy, but there was a cost."

I sighed. "There's a cost to this path, too. I have to leave you."

Alice nodded. "That's one of those lessons you have to learn. There's _always_ a cost, Bella. There is no decision you make in life that won't have some kind of cost. So yes, the path we're choosing now has a cost. An equal one, emotionally. The outcome is just a little less messy than the other one."

"So you think we're making the right decision?" I questioned.

Alice nodded. "I do. It's just as painful, but a lot less destructive. So yes, it's the better choice."

I nodded, yawning again. Alice whispered in my ear.

"Bella, you should sleep. I have to leave soon anyway. It'll be easier on you if you're asleep when I do."

I fought tears, whispering, "It's not daylight yet."

Alice sighed, smiling mischievously. "It was the nightingale, and not the lark that pierced the fearful hollow of thine ear?"

I nodded, chuckling in spite of my tears. "Exactly."

Alice laughed softly back before her smile faded. She quoted a little more text from memory.

"It was the lark, the herald of the morn, no nightingale: look, love, what envious streaks do lace the severing clouds in yonder east."

I closed my eyes, listening to Alice's silver voice quoting some of my favorite text. I nodded.

"I know. I just don't want you to leave me. But it has to happen sometime."

Alice nodded, eyes misting over. "I'm sorry. But we decided this together. Have you changed your mind?" She looked at me worriedly.

I sighed, shaking my head, voice cracking. "No. It's just hard."

"I know," she whispered, kissing the top of my head.

I sighed, tracing lazy circles with my hand on Alice's hip, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. Alice's quoting had gotten me thinking. Thinking about what Edward and Alice and Jacob were to me. I remember Jacob telling me that he was the natural path my life would've taken. But then what were Edward and Alice? I had decided that Edward was my fairy-tale. My happily ever-after. I had originally thought, as cliché as it sounded, that we were star-crossed lovers. But after Jacob and Alice, my relationship with Edward seemed easier. For the most part, Edward and my path fell together peacefully, without much fuss. Now, I felt like Alice and I fit the star-crossed lovers' description. Alice and my relationship was like a tragedy. We couldn't be together without causing an uproar. We couldn't have a relationship without it destroying our family. We had to be apart in order to keep everything together. I nodded to myself. This was the right choice to make. It hurt terribly, but it was the right one.

My eyelids were growing heavier, but I continued to fight sleep. Alice sighed again.

"Bella, you have to sleep. It'll be easier on you. Trust me."

I nodded, grudgingly accepting the fact that it was time for Alice to leave, feeling tears seep out of the corners of my eyes. I had one last request from Alice before she left.

"Alice? Will you sing that song again?"

I didn't have to explain which one I was talking about. Alice just nodded, taking a breath through her nose, and starting that delicate, melancholy melody I loved. There was no fighting sleep now. I let Alice's heartbreaking, glass-like song shimmer around me for the last time. I felt tears beading on Alice's skin as they fell from the corners of my eyes. Just before I fell asleep I felt her wintry lips on mine. She whispered "I love you," and I slipped under, letting sleep overtake me.

I couldn't tell if I was half-awake or dreaming when I heard hushed voices around me. I recognized the flute-like silvery one that was Alice's, and I smiled, realizing she was still here. Then I heard another voice, a lower, velvet one and I smiled wider. Edward was here, too. I assumed that I was dreaming since they were both here with me. I recognized each individual word they said, but I was too sleepy to understand what they meant together. I heard Edward's velvet voice.

"Alice, I was worried sick! I expected you to be here for a couple hours, not _all night_! I kept waiting for a call and never got one. Then I finally get a call at six in the morning! Then I come through that window, and I see in your mind what happened, and I can smell it in the room, and you expect me not to get angry?"

I frowned, recognizing anger in his tone. What was going on? I smiled when I heard Alice's calm, silver tone.

"I didn't say I didn't think you'd be angry. I only asked you to calm down enough to _listen_ to me for a moment."

"Calm down? Why should I, Alice? I come through my _fiancee's_ window and I smell _sex_ in her room!"

"Are you finished?" Alice murmured, a little bite of anger creeping into her tone. I heard silence before Alice spoke again. "As always, Edward, I made sure that Bella took control of the situation. I'm not going to take _advantage_ of her! I'm not like that damn _dog_, Edward. And I'm certainly not going to act of my own accord when I've got _you_ to answer to. But more than that, look at her, Edward. Look at her face. What do you see there?"

I heard more silence. Alice spoke again. "I'll tell you what I see. I see someone who's not distracted anymore, Edward. She looks _peaceful_ for once. She's not grinding her teeth, she's not tossing and turning, she's not talking in her sleep all the time. When was the last time you saw her sleep like this?"

No one spoke for a minute before Edward sighed, grudgingly answering.

"I haven't seen her look like that since before I left last fall."

"Exactly. She _needed_ this, Edward. She had to let go of me before she could be with you. To be honest, she probably needed a similar experience with Jacob-"

I heard Edward growl lightly and Alice stopped in her tracks.

"The point is, Edward, she's emotionally whole now. She can be with you without getting sidetracked. She's _really_ yours now. You can ask her yourself. She'd tell you the same thing. You don't have to like it, but I can tell you know it's true."

I heard another exasperated sigh. "Okay, she does look better, I'll give you that. Just give me some space, Alice. This is hard for me to swallow."

"I know. Don't be too angry with me. You get eternity with her. Can you blame me for wanting one night?"

I heard a pause before Edward spoke. "No. I would've done the same thing. And I'm trying to be understanding. Part of the reason I get so angry is because I miss you. I'm tired of everything being complicated. I just want my sister back."

I could hear in her voice that what Edward said had shocked Alice.

"I...I miss you, too. Give it some time. Things will die down. You can't get rid of me for too long." I heard a soft smile in her voice and I heard Edward chuckle softly. Alice's silver voice cut the silence one more time.

"We're going to wake her up if we keep talking. I need to leave now. She'll be upset if she wakes up and I'm still here. It'll be easier on her if she doesn't have to see me leave."

Edward whispered. "Okay. You can say goodbye to her before you go."

Alice didn't say anything. I knew I was dreaming when suddenly I felt cold lips on my temple and heard a silver, whispered "I love you" in my ear. I burrowed deeper into my quilt, smiling, the dream slipping away as I fell deeper into unconsciousness.

I remember waking up to something lightly scratching my wrist. I slowly opened my eyes, squinting as sunlight streamed through my window. I sat up, dressed in pajamas that I didn't remember putting on.

"Hello, love."

I smiled as Edward's velvet voice surrounded me. I turned to look at him, smile faltering as last night came flooding back into my brain. I didn't regret it. Not in the slightest. I was just worried about Edward's reaction. I bit my lip.

"Edward...I don't know how to say this-"

Edward shushed me gently. "Alice already explained the situation. You don't have to say a thing about it."

I nodded, thankful that I didn't have to break that news to him.

"Are you mad?"

Edward hesitated before speaking. "Well, I'm not thrilled, to be honest."

I nodded, swallowing hard. "Edward, I'm sorry. Just hear me out and then you can yell at me. I needed last night. I know I'm engaged to you and that it was uncalled for to do what I did. But I needed closure. I wasn't going to be okay, emotionally, to marry you otherwise. I don't regret what I did, for that very reason. I want to be able to give myself to you completely. I want to be _whole _for you. Last night had to happen for me to be whole. I'm sorry that I upset you. It's not going to happen again, so you don't have to worry about me being continuously...unfaithful. You have every right to be furious with me. You can say whatever you want to me now. I won't stop you. I probably deserve it."

Edward sighed. "I'm not going to yell at you, Bella. I understand the reasoning behind your decision. I'm not happy about it. Having said that, I'm not as upset as I could be since I know it's not going to happen again. I forgive you for it."

I nodded soberly. "Thank you. I love you."

Edward smiled softly. "I know. I love you, too."

I nodded once more before speaking. "I'll be right back. Human moment."

"Of course," Edward murmured.

I yawned, heading to the bathroom to brush my teeth and try and make sense of the tangled mess that was my hair. As I was trying to rip a brush through my hair, I felt that light, annoying scratching sensation against my wrist. I looked down to examine it and saw that a tiny, curled piece of white paper had been woven into the links of the bracelet that Jacob gave me, situated on the far left of the crystal heart and carved wolf that dangled there. I sat on the edge of the bathtub, carefully detangling the paper from the metal links. I felt something small and hard in the tiny scroll. I unrolled it, gasping as I found Alice's curling, whimsical script flowing across the page.

_Bella-_

_ I didn't give this to you before I left last night because it would've upset you unnecessarily. You can choose to wear it or not. I have two of these. They were the only possessions I woke up with as a vampire. Jasper has one. Now you have the other. Jacob and Edward gave you gifts similar to this. I felt I should do the same. You may do with it what you wish. I love you._

_ -Alice_

I could barely read the last few lines of the tiny paper as tears began running down my cheeks. I saw something taped at the bottom of the paper. It had a clasp on it, so I could attach it to the bracelet like I had the wolf and the heart. It was a gorgeous round gem that I recognized as an opal. It had a sparkling, milky cast to it that was identical to the color of Alice's skin. When the light hit it, it sparkled with hues of silvery-blue, and I also saw some hints of pinkish-red. My favorite color that reflected in the gem was an amber that matched the color of Alice's eyes. At the end opposite the clasp, I saw a disc attached to the opal. It looked like it had been altered, probably by Alice, from something else. I squinted, trying to figure out what this little trinket had been in a past life. An earring, maybe? It didn't matter much. I could tell exactly what it was supposed to look like now. I laughed through my tears as I took in the foggy little orb sitting on its spindly disc. It was a crystal ball. It was the perfect representation of Alice. I immediately peeled the tape off the clasp and hooked it on the delicate silver bracelet circling my wrist. I admired all three charms as they lay on the inside of my wrist. The smooth, strong sparkling heart lay in the middle, with the rustic howling wolf on its right, and the delicate, shimmering crystal ball on its left.

x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

I was examining the delicate bracelet now as Alice and my mother fussed around me, straightening my veil, smoothing out my dress, making sure my hair was perfect. I vaguely heard Alice tell my mother that it was time for her to go downstairs and I saw Charlie leave the room to go and fetch my bouquet. Alice ducked briefly under my dress, dainty hand clutching my ankle, slipping her garter onto my leg. I was about to snap at her for doing that with other people in the room when I realized no one else was here. It had taken me a moment to realize I was alone with Alice. I stared into her eyes for a moment before she rushed at me, arms curling around my waist, hair tickling my neck like it always did. I squeezed back, hugging Alice with everything I had. I tried not to ruin my makeup with tears just yet. I missed her. I had been trying to find traits in Edward to replace her and I couldn't. I realized nothing could. Nothing could replace Alice, just like nothing could replace Jacob or Edward. Coming to terms with that had been tough. Coming to terms with the fact that there was no happily ever after without a serious cost had been equally hard. But as Alice and I stood there, enjoying a brief moment alone together, I was reassured that we were making the right choice. Alice was telling me that it was okay. That she wasn't going anywhere. That she would always be here, like this, to take care of me. That things were going to be alright. She pulled away, smiling that slow, sad smile I loved so, stroking my cheek once with her index finger. She moved away quickly as Charlie stepped back into the room. Charlie handed me the bouquet and my heart started racing with nerves. Alice led us to the Cullens' huge staircase. I vaguely heard her tell me that my cue was right after hers. I was starting to sweat as my nerves got the best of me. Just before she left, Alice looked back and locked eyes with me. I let out a sigh of relief, staring into her bright amber eyes, nerves melting away. She reached back and discreetly brushed a finger against the little opal on my bracelet, smiling. I smiled back, watching Alice's willowy frame dance gracefully down the staircase, and feeling safer knowing she'd always be close, watching out for me, presumably for the rest of eternity.

**If you guys would give me a parting review and tell me what you thought of this chapter and/or the story in general, I'd be forever grateful. Reviews are like...you guys! Meaning they rock. I'm not done as an author on this site, so keep checking my profile every once in a while to see if anything pops up there in the future. Thanks for everything guys!**

** Much Love,**

** Belmione**


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